Out of Africa (1985): A Review

OUT OF AFRICA (1985)

I Had A Nap In Africa, By the Foot of the Ngongo Hills...

"We've rented Out of Africa five times and haven't gotten through it once," Golden Girls' Blanche Devareux tells her friend with benefits Mel Bushman in one episode. "I know, and it works every time," he answers gleefully, meaning they end up having sex over finishing the almost three hour film. Out of Africa, I suspect, might not get made today with the reasons being as varied as the film being another 'white savior' narrative or an ode to imperialism. Outside some technical elements, I am hard-pressed to find much to praise Out of Africa for.

The film is essentially about a love triangle. Danish upper-class woman Karen Blixen (later known by her alias Isak Dinesen) remembers when "I had a farm in Africa, by the foot of the Ngongo Hills...". Karen comes to 1913 Kenya to marry her friend, the Baron Bror Blixen (Klaus Maria Brandauer). It's a marriage of convenience for both: she gets back at her lover who happens to be Bror's brother and becomes 'Baroness Blixen', he gets her money. Both go into the marriage aware of things, but for a marriage not built on love it's amazing how quickly they grow to hate each other.

'Blix' is habitually unfaithful down to giving her syphilis. Still, Karen does the best she can with Blix going off hunting or World War I or safari, it really does not matter why. He just leaves. Over her objections, they opt to raise coffee even after being told the countryside is too high for such things. She also keeps re-encountering Denys Finch Hatton (Robert Redford), a big game hunter. They eventually fall in love, though it takes nearly two hours for them to kiss.

Denys, despite his feelings and admiration for the Baroness Blixen, won't be tied down. They pull and push until financial disaster causes her to lose both the Baron and her beloved African farm. She also loses Denys, killed in a plane crash. She goes back to Denmark, where we learn she becomes an authoress but never returns to Africa.

Has a movie gone so far out of its way to lull its audience to near-total slumber as Out of Africa? The film takes its long, long time getting virtually nowhere, with scenes, characters, and whole situations that either could have been cut entirely or were never integrated into whatever the story was. Out of Africa has an unfortunate habit of forgetting about characters altogether.

"Where's Belknap? I haven't seen him," Denys asks Karen at one point. It's an apt question, for Belknap (Shane Rimmer), the Blixen farm overseer, pops in at most three times and adds nothing to the myriad of stories flowing hither and yon in Kurt Luedtke's screenplay. He isn't an antagonist to Karen. He isn't a soundboard for her about the farm. He is neither cruel and antagonistic towards the native Kikuyu nation that lives on the Blixen estate or conversely kind and interested.

He's just...there.

Over and over we have characters who at first appear to perhaps have a part to play in the film only to reveal how unnecessary and irrelevant they are to it. There's Felicity (Suzanna Hamilton), a young Englishwoman whom the film seems to set up as Karen's only female British friend. However, she has at most two conversations with the Baroness and then essentially disappears save for a sight of her at a steeplechase and Denys mentioning he might take her on a flight. 

Same goes for Farah (Malick Bowens), her faithful attendant. He might have given our dimwitted, somewhat haughty white woman those words of wisdom, but instead he just stood around, looking dignified and taking things in with a surprising detachment. There seems a subplot bubbling with Denys and Karen's mutual friend Berkeley Cole (Michael Kitchen), but again, nothing came from it and added nothing to the film.

I'll walk that back slightly: it did give audiences a chance to see supermodel Iman as Berkeley's secret Somali love. I would have liked to have seen a film about their relationship versus the Karen/Denys one.

I'm not even sure Baron Blixen was necessary to Out of Africa. If this film weren't based on real events, one would think he was just a plot device to get Karen to Africa.

We get constant hints that Out of Africa wants to tell some kind of story only to never follow through. In the beginning of the film, the British male colonials are horrified to find a woman wandering into their club and have their Indian server essentially throw her out. At the end, these same male colonialist invite her into the club for a drink and toast her. Given that the film shows essentially no interaction with the British colonials one is puzzled why they had such a slow turnaround.

Perhaps they remember when she traveled across dangerous territory to deliver supplies to the British during World War I, but by the time she leaves that seems ages ago and one would not blame the audience for forgetting.

The film forgot, treating the war as another excuse for Baron Blixen to leave his wife. Like in almost every aspect of Out of Africa, the film desperately pushes for this to be something of importance but never does anything with it.

It might be that the story has so much material in it that director Sydney Pollack just wanted to through everything at it: love, adventure, danger, expecting thrills and swoons but only failing to deliver. The film moves slowly, painfully slowly, and I don't think anyone showed any emotion. Out of Africa is the type of film where the characters talk endlessly about how much they are in love but never show they are in love.

This applies to our love triangle, for Brandauer, Redford and Streep all have very little to show they can act. Brandauer probably got off the best, even if he has to say such silly things like "I thought you might be wanting a divorce," in an almost amused manner. Redford was miscast for a variety of reasons: one would never know Finch Hatton was British given Redford spoke as an American and he showed no emotion even when he's supposed to be arguing with his mistress.

Streep was all about her Danish accent, perhaps one of her worst moments. Like everyone else, there is a monotone to her performance, where moments that would cause people to have some kind of reaction get nothing from her. "I think you better get up Memsaab," one of her servants wakes her with as her coffee goes up in flames. "I think God is coming". As her work goes up in flames, Streep acts as if all this is distressing, but there's the trouble.

She ACTS, which could be forgiven if she made it plausible to believe this is Karen Blixen aware she is ruined. Instead, we see it's Meryl Streep putting on what I figure is a Danish accent flaying about.

The single worst aspect of Out of Africa is the green screen the film uses. While there is much beautiful cinematography of the African hills, plains and savannas, at least twice it is so painfully clear that the characters are not where they are supposed to be that it borders on negligent. One can perhaps overlook that Streep and Redford are not on the actual airplane but instead in front of a projection because we've got that beautiful cinematography and John Barry's simply gorgeous score.

There is however, no excuse as to why Streep and Brandauer are not in the Danish winter. It is so obviously fake that I'm aghast at how anyone could think the visuals were good, let alone worthy of Best Director or Picture.

I figure I should end on the only real undisputed brilliant element of Out of Africa: John Barry's score. Of particular note is its theme, this sweeping, elegant and mournful music that can make anyone fall in love.

Out of Africa is a film that constantly strives to be sweeping, romantic and epic, and constantly fails. Personally, I would recommend the miniseries The Flame Trees of Thika, which also has a pre-World War I Kenya setting, over Out of Africa.

Outside Barry's score and David Watkins' cinematography there is nothing in Out of Africa worth anyone's time, let alone three hours of it.

Out of Africa is as wide as the Sahara and just as empty.

1885-1962

DECISION: D-

1986 Best Picture Winner: Platoon

Captain Marvel: A Review

CAPTAIN MARVEL

Captain Marvel, for better or worse, has found itself the subject of antagonism and idolization even before the film screened for general audiences. Let's get this out of the way now: Captain Marvel is neither a turning point in cinema or a disaster. I found it to be a decent-enough movie, but one hampered more by the directing and nostalgia fetish than by its lead.

'Vers' is an intergalactic Kree warrior under the command of Yon-Rogg (Jude Law) who suffers from vague memories and dreams of an unknown woman. Vers goes with Yon-Rogg and others on what he says is a 'dangerous mission'.

At this point, I would like to ask 'is there such a thing as a non-dangerous mission'?

Vers is captured by the Kree mortal enemy, the shape-shifting Skrulls (whom my BFF Gabe said looked like Romulans. Not being well-versed in Star Trek lore, I can neither confirm or deny that assertion). She is cajoled into releasing what little she knows but makes her daring escape, eventually crashing on Planet C-53, the Terran world known to Terrans as 'Earth'.

She crashes in 1995 Los Angeles, something the film never lets us forget. A space woman crashing onto a Blockbuster Video and going into a Radio Shack attracts the attention of youthful SHIELD Agents Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) and Coulson (Clark Gregg). As the film progresses, we learn about the mysterious woman from 'Vers' dreams: Dr. Wendy Lawson (Annette Bening). We also learn 'Vers' true identity: Air Force pilot Carol Danvers (Brie Larson).

With help from Danvers fellow Air Force pilot/friend Maria Rambeau (Lashana Lynch) and Fury, Danvers pieces together her own story, with twist and turns involving both Yon-Rogg and Skrull leader Talos (Ben Mendelsohn), culminating to the rise of our newest superheroine, Captain Marvel.

I am astonished that for all the planning that goes into the world's longest and most expensive soap opera (aka The Marvel Cinematic Universe), Captain Marvel is essentially a pastiche of other films ranging from Top Gun and The French Connection to Guardians of the Galaxy and Iron-Man 3 to Spaceballs and most surprisingly Toy Story 3. Without giving too much away, we could have renamed the Jude Law character Yon-Lots O'Huggin' and Telos as The Skrull Mandarin.

Also, it is just me or does the name 'Rambeau' come off as a little too on-the-nose?

The 'oh look, it's the 1990's!' bit was a bit overdone. As much as I loved REM as a teen, I don't need to have Crush With Eyeliner playing in the background to remind me of the time.

As a side note, for the rest of Captain Marvel, Crush With Eyeliner kept playing in my head to where I almost missed hearing Man on the Moon. Pity that it was set a bit too early for one of my favorite REM songs, E-Bow the Letter, to be playing, though Drive sounds similar. Perhaps a better song would have been What's the Frequency, Kenneth?, especially the last one given we were dealing with otherworldly beings. Maybe when the superfluous Blue Man Group was attacking, but I digress.

I also think playing Just A Girl at Captain Marvel's climatic battle was way too much of a shout-out and felt out of place. Moreover, it hearkens back to Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 to where you wonder if Danvers was going to shift into Mrs. Pac-Man.

The screenplay by co-directors Anna Boden & Ryan Fleck (co-written with Geneva Robertson-Dworet) indulged in all these 'throwbacks' that called way too much attention to themselves. Why did we need Danvers in a Nine Inch Nails shirt other than to signal yet again when we are.

I think the main problem with Captain Marvel is the story itself. There are five people credited with the story, but I suspect it was far more. Not only is it a regurgitation of other films from within and without the MCU, but I think the flashbacks did the film no favors. A more straightforward story where we got to see Danvers before she became 'Vers' might have made us care more for her. It might not have made the 'shocking' twist actually shocking. However, it would have put us the audience ahead of Danvers, making a stronger emotional impact when the truth is revealed.

The Boden-Fleck directing also impacted the performances. First, contrary to the silly controversy Larson does smile in Captain Marvel. However, for the most part she is very remote, as if she were directed not to show any emotion. This holds true for almost the whole cast: Lynch, Law, Djimon Hounson as Kree warrior Korath all appeared to have no emotional range. There was no awe, no anger, no joy, nothing in their interpretation.

Bening had some but it looked as if she thought she really was above it all. Mendelsohn was a pleasant surprise, showing a nice comic touch after the shift from being the villain and even some tender moments. For me he at times looked as if he had wandered off Galaxy Quest 2, but it's a nice change of pace for him.

Jackson was having a ball as the two-eyed Fury, showing a lighter side apart from 'the how I really got my eye-patch' bit that wasn't funny; his de-aging was successful to where I forgot all about it. Gregg's smaller role was good but de-aging wasn't: he looked as if he overdosed on Botox.

There is a danger of reading too much into Captain Marvel from both sides of an absurd set of controversies; what the film is ultimately is a lesser Marvel Cinematic Universe film, one that recycles past MCU tropes with some weak performances (though I would argue it is more the directors' fault than the actors). The mid-and-end credit scenes were not good or funny, but the opening Marvel Studios credits were a nice tribute to Stan Lee.

Captain Marvel does not merit either the lavish love or fierce hatred it has received.

Next Marvel Cinematic Universe Film: Avengers: Endgame

DECISION: C+

Fahrenheit 11/9: A Review

FAHRENHEIT 11/9

After an unexplained eight-year absence, Michael Moore is back with his latest effort, Fahrenheit 11/9. By now one's view of Moore should be settled by the viewer: those who agree with him will love it, those who do not agree with him will hate it. I found Fahrenheit 11/9 quite amusing, even hilarious at times, and perhaps persuasive until he does what he often does: become scattershot and prone to going overboard.

Quoting from his previous take-down of his hated nemesis the GOP, he begins by asking "Was it all a dream?". We start with the 2016 election, one that guaranteed his somewhat personal choice, Hillary Clinton, would win massively. He and her supporters happily singing Fight Song and eagerly awaiting the electoral sweep; then things took a strange turn and we found that Donald Trump, whom the film suggests never really planned or wanted to be President, ended up winning.

The entire 'Trump for President' thing, if Moore is correct, was really a ploy to get more money for The Apprentice than The Voice's host Gwen Stefani. Once this megalomaniac saw how adored he was, he decided to keep at it.  This section ends with "How did the f*** did we end up here?"

After this though, Trump becomes an afterthought for a long stretch. Fahrenheit 11/9 then shifts to among other topics the Flint water crisis, the West Virginia teachers strike, the Marjory Douglas Stoneman High School shooting, various Democratic candidates running for Congress (including two rising stars of the Left: Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Rashida Tlaib), ending the Electoral College and declaring the United States is a Leftist country before returning to Trump, whom he compares to Hitler and strongly implies that we are inches away from becoming Nazi Germany unless we heed his call.

Again, there's never any subtlety to a Michael Moore film, so one should go into Fahrenheit 11/9 knowing that it, like all his films, is not a pure documentary. It goes even beyond what most 'documentaries' are now: essentially advocacy pieces for whatever they are chronicling. Fahrenheit 11/9 is a freewheeling cinematic essay where he can express his views and make the connections to what he wants however he wants.

As with all my experiences with Moore's films, he comes close to convincing to his views until he goes one step too far and I if not recoil at least think he goes overboard to the point of insanity. Fahrenheit 11/9 for example through subtle innuendo (to quote a song) suggests President Trump has incestuous desires for his oldest daughter Ivanka. He does not flat-out state Trump wants to have sex with or has had actual sex with his own daughter. Instead, he does this by showing a montage of pictures of them together, focusing on where Trump has his hands. He takes a Barbara Walters interview with his four adult children (Barron too young to be interviewed) and when they answer that Ivanka is their father's favorite, the music and the previous montage again suggest that there is something tawdry and grotesque in the Donald/Ivanka relationship.

Again, Moore is not openly saying "Donald Trump wants to screw or has screwed his own daughter", but the implication is there. The answer in the interview is very jokey and meant as the question is intended: that Donald Trump prefers one of his children over the others. It's Moore's wink-wink suggestion as to why Trump prefers one of his children over the others that is over-the-top.

Moore also fails when he 'dubs' Trump's voice onto an Adolph Hitler speech and rally. Again there is no subtlety in his arguments.That old maxim of losing an argument when you compare your enemies to Hitler either seems to have escaped Moore or is of no interest to him.

In fact, Moore doubles down on the Trump-Hitler comparison. Everything Trump says or does, from rather innocuous jokes about becoming "President for Life" to declaring media outlets 'fake news' all apparently come from Trump's The Art of Mein Kampf.

Fahrenheit 11/9, curiously though, does not delve much into exactly how we got a President Trump. He does circle back to it after going through the most effective element in the film: the Flint water crisis, a subject that would merit a whole film itself. Moore mentions that Trump was the only candidate of either party to actually visit Flint and takes former President Obama to task for essentially parroting the line about how the Flint water is now safe, down to pressing the point about Obama's 'stunt' of "drinking the water" when he just touched it with his lips.

What the end result of either visit really was we do not learn.

By the time we get back to Trump after he excoriates Michigan Governor Rick Snyder for his 'ethnic cleansing' and celebrates the Douglas Stoneman students for their activism (save for the more openly conservative MSD student-activist Kyle Kashuv), the viewer has pretty much forgotten all about Trump.

I think conservatives, despite their loathing of Moore, will find things in Fahrenheit 11/9 to enjoy. Those on the right will delight in reliving Mrs. Clinton spectacular failure to achieve her sixteen-plus year campaign to return to the White House as President in her own right. Moore, to his credit, also takes on the Democratic Party establishment, particularly in the way they tipped the scales for Mrs. Clinton against Senator Bernie Sanders.

As with almost all Michael Moore films, you won't see interviews with those who disagree with him or anything that contradicts his views. His films are as I've said: cinematic essays and should be seen as such. You also see that he again comes close to persuading until he goes one step too far (one can be Never Trump but not think he either wants to or has made his daughter his mistress).

Those who see Fahrenheit 11/9 should know what they are going into. It's partisan and your embrace or rejection of it will in large part be based on that. For my part, I can say I was fascinated by it all, if not convinced at least entertained at the sheer lunacy of it all, of both Donald Trump and Michael Moore.

DECISION: C-

Pope Francis: A Man of His Word. A Review (Review #1190)

POPE FRANCIS: A MAN OF HIS WORD

It should be noted that there is a pun in the title Pope Francis: A Man of His Word. 'His Word' has two meanings: both as referring to His Holiness as someone to be trusted and as someone motivated by Christ and the Gospels ('His Word'). This documentary has some words of wisdom within it, but it also has an idealized version of the Holy Father, more a set of homilies than an intimate portrait.

Director Wim Wenders (whom I figure also does the narration that tries to outdo Werner Herzog's soft, mournful Teutonic tones) first gives us a bleak picture of our world run by environmental devastation. We, however, have a visionary named Francis, but it's not POPE Francis.

It's St. Francis of Assisi, whom we learn and see via silent film-like reenactments. Then we shift to the former Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio's elevation to the Throne of St. Peter.

After that, we get a series of sessions with His Holiness, not so much interviews as we never see or hear the questions asked. Rather, we have Francis speak to us directly, offering his words of wisdom. This is intercut with scenes of his travels, speeches and more reenactments of St. Francis.

A Man of His Word displays one side of the Holy Father: that of the Pontiff As Activist. He speaks openly and passionately about two of his great concerns: income inequality and the environment. He laments that nearly 80% of the world's riches is in the hands of less than 20% of humans. He declares that 'Mother Earth' is 'the poorest of the poor' and is constantly horrified and appalled at the woeful destruction and polluting of the planet.

I do not know what solutions His Holiness offers, though he does what he can to lead by example: using smaller cars, eschewing the luxury of the Papal apartments for smaller quarters. These are deep concerns for the Holy Father, one he in his quiet and generally non-confrontational way addresses.

Of particular note is when he addresses the Roman Curia, which he gently condemns for its various maladies and sins ranging from 'spiritual Alzheimer's' to hoarding, the latter tying itself to his belief in the wealth gap.

The film even touches, if perhaps more gingerly than one would have liked, the rampant child abuse crisis the Catholic Church finds itself in. He takes a daring step in saying that pedophile priests and those who shielded them should be removed from office.

I imagine A Man of His Word has little interest in giving us the man in full. This version of Francis, one devoted to the causes of income and gender inequality, of workers rights, of environmental concerns, will please some people. The version of Francis who will under no circumstance shift his views opposing both abortion and female ordination never appears.

There are extremely wise words in Francis' various talks, mostly in Spanish or Italian. "Talk little, listen a lot, say just enough and always look people in the eye," he tells us. After a while though, one is almost exhausted by the routine of the homilies and the vaguely obscene comparisons between Saint Francis and Pope Francis. It makes one wonder whether A Man of His Word is meant to be an insight into this seemingly contradictory pontiff or a case for Pope Francis' sainthood.

Moreover, we sometimes get little hints of a greater agenda, such as his visit to the Grand Mufti in Jerusalem, along with a joining of then-Israeli President Shimon Peres and still-Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas. Is he working for world peace as well as Earth restoration?

Pope Francis: A Man of His Word is worth seeing if to get a glimpse into the thinking of the current successor to St. Peter. It is not a full portrait and at times the nobility of the man can be almost dull. The comparisons to St. Francis, subtle as they are, can also appear too heavy-handed. On the whole though, for those who wish to find some Christianity within the environmental movement and not some hippy-drippy New Age mysticism, you may have found your man.

DECISION: C+

Gotham: Nothing's Shocking Review

GOTHAM: NOTHING'S SHOCKING

Guess again, for there is something a little shocking in Nothing's Shocking, the newest Gotham episode. Nothing's Shocking shows us what might have been if the show had not gone off on some tangents, but with only four episodes left before the series ends it's a shame things went the way they did.

The main story involves Harvey Bullock (Donal Logue). His old former partner Dix (Dan Hedaya) appears to be not just walking (an oddity given he's wheelchair-bound) but killing, having iced two ex cops at The Sirens Club. Bullock and Captain Jim Gordon (Ben McKenzie) cannot believe Dix is the killer, but there are witnesses.

Dix, we find, is terrified because he obviously isn't the killer. Through twists and turns we find that the killings go back to a long-ago case where the rookie Bullock and his senior Dix got dubious testimony from a girl to get her mother convicted for killing her abusive husband. This girl, Jane Doe (Sarah Pidgeon) was affected by Dr. Hugo Strange's mad science. She could take the form of anyone she touched, leading to Dix's own death...and eventually her own.

There are two subplots. The first involves Bruce Wayne (David Mazouz) and Alfred (Sean Pertwee) tracking down a man named Hank at the request of his wife, who fears for his life after he disappeared in the sewers. Eventually, they find and save Hank from being devoured by a deformed man living in the sewers, affected by the toxic waters.

The second has Oswald Cobblepot (Robin Lord Taylor) and Edward Nygma (Cory Michael Smith) still working and arguing over the submarine, which Pengy names S.S. Gertrude, and how they are found by Mr. Penn (Andrew Sellon). Mr. Penn or 'Arthur' (which Penguin keeps getting wrong as 'Arnold') is not alone: he's got a dummy named Scarface, who unlike the timid, mousy Penn is murderous and full of gangster affectations. For once, Pengy and Riddler are scared, but after 'coming to terms' with Scarface, our Ventriloquist is shot dead and the two frenemies have a good laugh.

Truth be told there really is nothing left in Gotham on every level.  It's unfortunate that The Ventriloquist was essentially reduced to a cameo, all his scenes taking place in one room. Part of me understands that he could not be part of Gotham as the show is about to limp onto its end. However, given how surprisingly good and convincing Sellon was in the role, it seems a shame not to keep him around at least for a couple of more episodes.

It's a credit to Sellon and Gotham that the whole concept of The Ventriloquist (even if he was not mentioned as such) was surprisingly rational.

We'll leave aside the fact that there was never any real reason, logical or not, for how Mr. Penn came back to life. We should just accept that people pop up living after dying on Gotham and move on.

The misuse of The Ventriloquist should show how this show never really got full use of its Rogues Gallery. Why pop in The Ventriloquist if you were going to get rid of him so quickly? It seems almost a waste. Same goes for the Bruce/Alfred subplot, which seemed there just to give them something to do. I figure that it might lead to something later on (Killer Croc?) but even if that were the case, the filming of this encounter was so hard to follow.

The main story is what elevates Nothing's Shocking, in particular Logue's performance. Here, Bullock is a haunted, guilt-ridden man who finds he cannot atone for his sins, even when asking for absolution from Gordon. He is matched by Pidgeon as Jane Doe, who seems to have an invisible touch. Pidgeon makes her also haunted, down to where she is so far gone that she cannot see that she is not deformed when she unmasks herself.

Hedaya, who has not appeared in Gotham since Season One's Spirit of The Goat, makes the character one less haunted but with still a brutal end. The positive in Nothing's Shocking is that for a brief moment we forget Jane Doe's power and wonder whether Bullock, driving to desperation, could have crossed a line impossible to come back from.

We even get a brief moment of comedy when Bonkers Babs shows up and we find she's double the fun! There's also more comedy thanks to Taylor & Smith, the former wisecracking to his more paranoid partner "I KNOW you're being watched with this jingle bell contraption", mocking Riddler's security system. After Mr. Penn is killed off, Pengy screams at Nygma, "HE wasn't the threat! The DUMMY was the threat!"

Credit for making that sound rational.

Nothing's Shocking is lifted by Logue's performance and the Bullock storyline, with the others kind of just there.

6/10

Next Episode: The Trial of Jim Gordon

Basic Instinct 2: A Review

BASIC INSTINCT 2

Nearly 15 years after Basic Instinct shocked America with its graphic sexual and violent content, we're treated to the continuing adventures of our favorite bisexual murderess with Basic Instinct 2. The sequel, I was told, was horrible, with more obscene sexual content, bad performances and an illogical story.

All that is true, but goodness did I find it all hilarious.

Catherine Tremell (Sharon Stone) is involved in the death of football star Kevin Franks, who died when the car they were in plunges into the River Thames. Detective Ray Washburn (David Thewlis) is absolutely convinced she's a coldblooded killer, but they have to have a psychological evaluation. Assigned this task is Dr. Michael Glass (David Morrissey), who has his own issues.

A previous patient killed his pregnant girlfriend and Glass blames himself. Whether he knew said patient was dangerous is a subject of debate that hangs over the film and is mentioned repeatedly. Despite any common sense Glass agrees to take Catherine on as a patient.

There's a lot of 'despite any common sense' in Basic Instinct 2.

As more people start dying off (a nosy reporter, Glass' ex-wife, Tremell's drug dealer), Washburn is convinced Tremell is the murderess while Glass finds himself slowly seduced into her wicked sex games. And yet, who is the killer? The "shocking" ending leaves one person in a psychiatric hospital, with a hint that maybe even the master player got played.

Basic Instinct 2 requires a great deal of stupidity by just about every character, even the waitress with whom Glass has a one-night stand and is never seen or heard from again. The film is filled with outlandish coincidences and leaps of logic that will provoke one of two reactions: puzzlement or laughter.

Glass' mentor, Dr. Milena Gadosh (Charlotte Rampling), despite talking with Glass about the highly-covered Tremell case, has no idea who Tremell is when she talks to her at a party. More outlandish, the highly respected and literally wigged-out Dr. Gerst (Heathcoate Williams) has Tremell as his guest at said party and at Glass' informal interview for "the Douglas Chair" despite her connection to a murder case. Even more outlandish, Milena and Catherine have some 'girl-talk' while Gerst tells Glass that he cannot recommend him for "the Douglas Chair" because of the past patient who killed his pregnant girlfriend.

It's not because Glass (and Gerst) are running around with a woman who has been and is currently a murder suspect. It's because there are whispers that Glass may have known the past patient was dangerous, whispers that came via a sleazy tabloid reporter who was sleeping with Glass' ex-wife before the reporter was bumped off in some kind of kinky S&M death.

I wonder if "the Douglas Chair" was a tongue-in-cheek reference to the missing Michael Douglas from the original, though perhaps that is giving Basic Instinct 2 far too much credit.

Anyone else think this whole setup is already bonkers?

Leora Barish and Henry Bean's screenplay has a cacophony of stupidity that astounds. At the top is how it is almost at the end of the film that Glass discovers Tremell's connection to the original story, which astoundingly was not brought up or apparently discovered by either the sleazy reporter or the sour detective.

Over and over you keep thinking 'these people (Catherine included) must be stupid'.

The performances are of no help. Stone is trying too hard to be vampy and ends up campy. Her efforts of playing the femme fatale make her come across as overtly over-the-top, making her scenes with Morrissey come across as more hilarious as he tries desperately to play things straight. I sensed that Thewlis was suppressing giggles whenever he had to perform as the gruff detective who seems totally clueless. I could not suppress giggles, however, at Washburn's end. I flat-out howled with laughter.

Hugh Dancy as Adam Towers (said sleazy tabloid reporter) and Indira Varma as Denise (Glass' ex-wife) were not in the film long enough to leave any impressions, though here it may be a blessing.

Rampling somehow managed to come out of this disaster with her dignity intact as she, despite Milena's own idiocy, seems to be the closest person with reason.

The actual sex scenes are, apart from Glass' tryst with fellow doctor Michelle (Flora Montgomery) who also disappears from the film after he gets too rough with her, are hilarious. As a critic who tends to get lost in details, I kept wondering how Glass managed to keep breathing and thrusting with a belt tightly wound around his neck.

Worse of all, it takes an hour and sixteen minutes before Glass finally gives in to the pleasures of Catherine's flesh, with only forty minutes left in the film.

The film also has simply horrible camera work. If you notice, you can see the camera literally shaking at times, though perhaps the cameraman was struggling not to laugh as Catherine went for another "Would you like me to seduce you?" scenes.

Basic Instinct 2 is not a good film. However, it is a surprisingly funny one.

DECISION: D+

A Madea Family Funeral: A Review

A MADEA FAMILY FUNERAL

A Madea Family Funeral is not the first film of 2019 that I have seen. However, as one who has some knowledge of the Madea Cinematic Universe, I would be remiss not to look over what writer/director Tyler Perry says is his final turn as the wigged-out loudmouth matriarch of an ever-expanding family. A Madea Family Funeral is typical Madea material: an odd mix of soap opera melodrama and raunchy humor with a hint of morality thrown in. For better or worse Perry knows his audience and gives them what they want.

Madea, her brother Joe and his son Brian (Perry in all three roles), along with Madea's friends Bam (Cassie Davis) and Hattie (Patrice Lovely) are going to see Madea and Joe's other brother Heathrow (also Perry) to join his family for a 40th Wedding Anniversary party.

The happy couple are churchgoing Vianne (Jen Harper), whom I figure is Heathrow's daughter, and Anthony (Derek Morgan). However, the anniversary turns into a funeral when Anthony dies suddenly of a heart attack. This is where things start getting complicated.

Very complicated.

Anthony died while in the middle of some kinky S&M sex with his mistress, who happens to be family friend Renee (Quin Walters). As it happens, this is revealed because Anthony's son A.J. (Courtney Burrell) is in the very next room with his own mistress and he recognizes his father's voice before he dies 'with a ball in his mouth' as Hattie keeps telling anyone who will listen. A.J.'s mistress happens to be Gia (Ariel Miranda), who just happens to be fiancee to Jessie (Rome Flynn), who happens to be A.J.'s brother.

I think my Mom's tevenovelas are less convoluted.

Add to this wild mix the fact that Brian's group is staying at the exact same hotel and happens to come upon this very sordid scene and you have the makings of a very odd situation.

Now we have all these secrets that everyone is trying to keep from everyone else who does not know, meaning Vianne, A.J.'s wife Carol (Kj Smith) and A.J. and Jessie's sister Sylvia (Ciera Payton) and Sylvia's husband Will (David Otunga).

Vianne asks Madea to get the funeral in order within two days, which she does in her own way despite proclaiming that 'black people don't rush funerals'. The funeral goes as expected (read disastrously) and eventually everything comes out, with Madea at the ready to help sort things out and put everyone in their place.

Again, Tyler Perry knows his audience and gives them what they want. I heard a lot of laughing and more interestingly cheering and I think some affirmations to the characters coming from the audience. The ending where Madea tells it like it is to both A.J. and Carol got an especially enthusiastic response from the people around me.

I won't lie: I laughed at some of the outlandishness in A Madea Family Funeral. It is hard not to when we have a running gag about a dead man's erection constantly popping up and popping up the casket. It is hard not to when we see Madea, in a hat she may have stolen from the Pilgrims, insist on trying to keep the funeral down to seven hours long by literally throwing people off the lectern after their 'two minutes' is up. It's hard not to when you see Hattie (who appears to have the aftereffects of a stroke given how she holds her arm) fling herself on top of Anthony's corpse to 'give him mouth-to-mouth' (though it is unclear where she intended to give him mouth-to-mouth and I'll leave it at that).

The funeral scene is probably the funniest in A Madea Family Funeral, from her malapropisms to the spoofing of African-American funerals to the discovery that the majority of the female mourners knew Anthony 'in the Biblical sense'. It also keeps to the Madea Formula, which is to have the older characters (Madea, Joe, Heathrow, Bam, Hattie) say and do the most outlandish even obscene scenes while the younger characters either behave though all of this is perfectly rational or have no reaction to the wild goings-on.

One cannot single out any particularly great acting in A Madea Family Funeral save for Harper, who has a wonderful and surprisingly dramatic monologue about the sacrifices she has made for her children. This is the moralizing part of a Tyler Perry film, a moment that is both expected and even surprisingly rational in the bonkers Madea Cinematic Universe.

Apart from Harper (who also has her moments of having no real reaction to the lunacy of her extended family) and Perry's multiple roles, one cannot find much to compliment the rest of the cast on. Perry's best performance, oddly, was not as the brassy Madea (though he was up to his standards of the character) or the vulgar Joe or the legless voice-box speaking Heathrow (though the latter had funny moments). It was as Brian, the straitlaced and long-suffering rational one, the Marilyn Munster of the Simmons Family.

Brian's best moments are when he's stopped by the police and insists on being dutiful only to end up irritated, even slightly angry when the cop doesn't give him any citation and said cop changes his manner with Brian from almost unhinged to sweetness itself.

The other cast members attempt to play their soap opera script to the best of their abilities, but A Madea Family Funeral seems more interesting in displaying their delicious bodies than in giving them something to do. The film seems extremely fixated on showing off the physical beauty of both Flynn and Burrell, with them in many shirtless scenes. At least they had something to do, which is more than can be said for Payton or Otunga who seemed irrelevant to the story.

A Madea Family Funeral is what it is: typical Tyler Perry/Madea. Those who hate it will hate the film. Those who love it will love the film. Those, like me, who accept it and know what they are getting, will find some laughs and some groans, but such is life and death.

DECISION: C+