The Golden Girls: Second Motherhood

THE GOLDEN GIRLS: SECOND MOTHERHOOD

Written by: Christopher Lloyd

Directed by: Gary Shimokawa

Airdate: February 15, 1986

Each of the four Golden Girls has fraught issues with their children. One might think that one of them would welcome the chance for a Second Motherhood, but that is not the case. Second Motherhood has some strong dramatic moments, surprisingly effective physical comedy and a curious B-plot.

Blanche Devereaux (Rue McClanahan) has found her ideal man in Richard (Kevin McCarthy). He is rich, handsome, and available. Her thrill compounds when he asks her to marry him, which she accepts. There is a glitch though: he has children who are seven and nine. Blanche does not look forward to the idea of being a stepmother to such young children. Even though she and the kids do hit it off, Blanche realizes that she will always come third in Richard's life. His children, sadly, will come in second, for Richard, even though he is a good man, will always put business first. Sadly, Blanche opts to turn down his marriage proposal.

Her other roommates, Dorothy Zbornak (Bea Arthur) and Rose Nylund (Betty White) have a larger issue to contend with. They are replacing their shared toilet but find nothing but crooked plumbers. Worse is Lou (Alan Blumenfeld), as sexist a plumber as they have encountered. Dorothy angry rejects Lou's work, much to the consternation of her mother Sophia Petrillo (Estelle Getty). As Sophia points out, the man may be an idiot, but he knows how to fix a toilet. Eventually, after a few stumbles, Dorothy and Rose install the toilet.

There is nothing learned about the four female's backstory in Second Motherhood, possibly apart from Sophia's declaration that when she spots a hole in the ground where the toilet would be, she momentarily thought she was back in Sicily.   

Only one section is cut from most rebroadcasts. There is an extended scene of Blanche in Richard's jet that contains a great bit of physical comedy from McClanahan. Blanche accidentally has slung herself backwards on a chair and is desperate to prop herself back up before Richard notices his. His back is to her as he tells her his rags-to-riches story, and it is impossible not to laugh as Blanche works feverishly to be upright. She manages to bring herself up at exactly the right moment, a credit to director Gary Shimokawa. 

There is a lot of strong timing in Second Motherhood. When Blanche comes back to tell Dorothy and Rose about one of her wild dates with Richard, Rose is a bit too eager to discuss the toilet repairs. The blending of these two disparate stories works excellently in the episode. 

"Richard leaned over and took my hand and you know what he said?", Blanche tells Dorothy.

"What?", an eager Dorothy replies. 

"Our biggest worry will be tank sweat," the oblivious Rose replies. 

Second Motherhood has some great moments both verbally and visually. A good running gag is Dorothy's inability to remember Lou the plumber's name. I think it is a subconscious way for Dorothy to put the sexist Lou in his place, a deliberate snub against him. Their fight stemmed from his insistence that you have to be a man to install a toilet. This raises the ire of especially Dorothy, though Rose too is displeased. 

I think a better argument could be made that they were not incompetent because they were women. Rather, it is because they were total amateurs who were mostly winging it. They struggled to try and so much as lift the Dolan Standard Lowboy toilet Lou brought. Rose insisted that if the Egyptians could build the Pyramids, they could move a toilet, leading Dorothy to snap back that if Rose got her 20,000 Hebrews, she could move the toilet in no time. All I wondered is why they could not use a dolly to move it. 

I think McClanahan was the best in Second Motherhood, not surprising as she was the central point of the episode. Her physical comedy was excellent, but she also did well when she reluctantly turns down Richard's proposal. Arthur was great whenever she faced off against Lou and White did well stumbling her way to fixing the bathroom. Blumenfeld and McCarthy were good as the idiot Lou the plumber and Richard, the tycoon who was blind to the needs of others.

As a side note, I marveled at the sight of the main bathroom (Blanche probably had hers en suite). With the toilet, sink and walk-in shower, the house bathroom looks larger than some of the rooms. 

The B-plot of the toilet did not quite work for me. I do not think Rose and Dorothy would have faced such openly sexist figures (one of them snipping that they were getting into their feminist stage late). Most plumbers, at least the ones I know, would not have so openly insulted customers since they would want their business. 

Second Motherhood flowed well and was entertaining. It was not brilliant but good, so there is no need to flush it down the drain.

At the risk of sounding sexist, I wonder if the girls would have asked Coco to help them lift the toilet and put it together. 

6/10

Next Episode: Adult Education

The Golden Girls: The Operation

THE GOLDEN GIRLS: THE OPERATION

Written by: Winifred Hervey

Directed by: Terry Hughes

Airdate: February 6, 1986

As the son of a nurse, I never dreaded hospitals. To be honest, I rather enjoyed them and still like hospital food. That would not be much comfort to one of the Golden Girls characters in The Operation, light on plot but winning on dance numbers. 

Housemates Dorothy Zbornak (Bea Arthur), Blanche Deveraux (Rue McClanahan) and Rose Nylund (Betty White) are taking tap dancing classes together and form the Tip Tap Trio. Dorothy, however, comes back after one class hobbling in pain. Her mother, Sophia Petrillo (Estelle Getty) is quite worried and pushes for Dorothy to go to the doctor. The other women agree, and Dorothy reluctantly goes. She comes back to tell them she has Morton's Neuroma, a benign tumor on her foot. She also tells them she refuses to have a simple surgery done due to her paranoia about hospitals. 

Reluctantly, Dorothy goes. However, when Dr. Revell (Robert Picardo) tells her about how her regular doctor is in the middle of a malpractice suit and presents release forms, Dorothy freaks out and flees. The other women push Dorothy back to the hospital. When she meets and talks to her hospital roommate, breast cancer survivor Bonnie (Anne Haney), Dorothy realizes how foolish she has been.

The dance recital Rose and Blanche ultimately perform almost does not come to pass. Blanche confesses to Rose her terror at performing, in front of audiences that is. A humiliating dance recital when she was five has traumatized Blanche from dancing in solo numbers. Rose is thoroughly unsympathetic and drags Blanche to the recital. Despite her initial fears, Blanche and Rose are a massive success. Dorothy, however, is enraged when she finds they are no longer the Tip Tap Trio but the Two Merry Widows. Performing Tea for Two, Dorothy eventually makes her rage known. 

The Operation does not fill in much if any character background. We learn that Dorothy's phobia about hospitals comes from when she was left alone in the hospital at age five when she had her tonsils removed. Sophia reveals that she was in labor for 23 hours to deliver Dorothy and that she worked as a fry cook to help Dorothy pay for college. 

Two scenes get cut from The Operation rebroadcasts. The first is a scene in the kitchen where Dorothy goes a little more into her hospital fears and shows she is physically unable to dance. The second is when a priest (Bill Quinn) accidentally performs the last rites of the Catholic Church to a horrified Dorothy. I think the second scene is not always cut though. In a curious note, Belita Moreno as the Nurse is uncredited. This is surprising given that she has dialogue in The Operation. 

The Operation's overall plot is simple: Dorothy needs surgery but is terrified of hospitals. The real highlights are the two dance numbers that White and McClanahan have. Rose and Blanche have a shared interest in showbusiness given how often they both perform on stage during the course of The Golden Girls. This is the second time where Rose and Blanche perform for audiences after The Custody Battle. In future episodes, we will see Rose and Blanche either auditioning or acting in community theater, even cohosting a telethon. Dorothy rarely partakes in performing in community theater with them. Yet I digress.

White and McClanahan have two dance numbers in The Operation. They showcase their dancing skills quite effectively. Both dance numbers are funny, but not because they are klutzes. Instead, the humor comes from the situations themselves. In the first dance number, the humor comes from how long they would be backups to what would have been Dorothy's very big and long solo section. In the second, once they magically appear in full costume, they perform Tea for Two, where the humor comes from Dorothy's visibly enraged reaction to being cut out. Rose and Blanche's obliviousness to Dorothy's anger, complete with them tossing a flower to a furious Dorothy, makes it all the more hilarious.

I think White proved herself the best dancer, as she had to do some impromptu tap-dancing steps twice. McClanahan was no slouch in the dance department by any means. Her dancing was smooth and flowing. The Tea for Two number, while good and amusing, was a bit uncoordinated as they were not always in sync. 

White had some excellent acting moments, with her confronting Blanche about her fears being a highlight. White is playing against the normal manner of Rose: sweet, kind and empathic. We see in The Operation a Rose Nylund who is thoroughly unsympathetic to Blanche's past traumas. Once Blanche confesses a deep, dark and humiliating secret, White's face immediately darkens. "Hey, we've all got our sad stories," a cold-blooded Rose quietly but firmly tells Blanche. Rose is absolutely right in her reproach. What makes it funny is how against type White is playing here.

Equally funny is McClanahan. The story Blanche tells Rose is in itself funny, with McClanahan's delivery of it hilarious. What puts the coda on the scene is McClanahan's shocked reaction at finding Rose so dismissive of Blanche's trauma. Her disbelief in being told off by Rose is brilliant. 

Oddly, Arthur came off as the weaker element despite The Operation being a Dorothy-centered episode. She was hardly bad in the episode. Arthur had a great scene where her growing panic about the hospital erupts in her fleeing in terror. She also has a great moment of alliteration, where she complains about being "probed, poked and prodded" by endless doctors to where more men have seen her behind in one day than in her entire life. She also has a quiet moment of reflection when Bonnie tells her about how she is there for her second mastectomy and how traumatic the first one was. 

It is just that Arthur had to carry more of the drama. That and she had no big musical numbers. Getty rattled off some strong quips both hilarious (at the end of Rose and Blanche's rehearsal, a deadpan Sophia says, "I won't dance, don't ask me") and heartfelt (pointing out Dorothy's ridiculousness by being ridiculous herself).

I think the dance numbers elevated The Operation. It was a good episode, with moments of humor and heart. 

Maybe if they wanted to keep being the Tip Tap Trio, Dorothy's spot could have been filled in by Coco. 

8/10

Next Episode: Second Motherhood

The Golden Girls: Nice and Easy

 

THE GOLDEN GIRLS: NICE AND EASY

Written by: Stuart Silverman

Directed by: Terry Hughes

Airdate: February 1, 1986

There are some family traditions that perhaps should not be followed, such as promiscuity. Nice and Easy takes a character's familiar trait, amplifies it onto a new character, and gives us both funny moments and insight into the original character. 

Blanche Deveraux (Rue McClanahan) is excited to have her favorite niece Lucy (Hallie Todd) come to visit and perhaps transfer to a local university. When Lucy arrives, she tells Aunt Blanche that she met a gorgeous doctor on the plane and wants to go out with him. Blanche is thrilled that her unofficial protege is modeling herself on her. Her delight increases when Lucy tells her that she is flying to the Bahamas with Michael. That delight is short-lived, however, when her housemate Dorothy Zbornak (Bea Arthur) tells Blanche that Michael is not the doctor. He's her college interviewer, whom Lucy met hours ago. In the words of Dorothy's mother, Sophia Petrillo (Estelle Getty), "Girl's a slut". 

Blanche's shock turns to anger when Lucy comes to the house late at night to pick up some things before going with Ed Collins (Ken Stovitz), a Miami vice officer who arrested Michael for drug smuggling. As Blanche cooly says, Ed picking up Michael was Ed doing his job. Lucy picking up Ed was something entirely different. A defiant Lucy storms out with Ed to his place. Blanche, Dorothy, Sophia and Rose Nylund (Betty White) go to Ed's apartment, where Blanche explains to Lucy that there is a difference between enjoying men and letting men enjoy her. Reconciled, they all go back home.

In a subplot, Dorothy is appalled to find a rat in the house. Rose is adamant about not killing the rat, insisting that she could communicate with animals. It turns out that maybe Dorothy can too, delighting Rose and irritating Dorothy. Will Dorothy have the heart to kill a living thing and a fellow mammal?

We learn that Blanche has a niece, though how exactly Lucy connects to the Widow Deveraux we do not know. Judging from the dialogue, Lucy is either Charmaine or Virginia's daughter since Blanche asks Lucy if her "mother" would let her do something. I lean towards Lucy's mother being Charmaine because Blanche, after reciting some of her wild antics in her rebellious stage, says that she had her big sister Charmaine to pull her out of her excesses. We also learn about Tyler's Landing, the flashy, seedy town near Rose's hometown, still unnamed but presumably "Little Falls". 

I found three sections from Nice and Easy that are cut from reruns. There is a section where Rose expands on her ability to go all Doctor Doolittle. There is additional dialogue about Lucy's romp with both the doctor and Michael that is cut. The scene where Blanche is told about how promiscuous and wanton Lucy is gets removed too. It is a shame that these sections are not usually broadcast given that Arthur has one of the best lines here. As Rose goes on about her ability to talk to the animals, Arthur gives White a perfect deadpan look and says, "Rose, do you have any idea how weird you are?". 

Nice and Easy is hilarious and heartfelt. It is nice to see Blanche shocked by someone even more promiscuous than herself. Despite her own reputation as a woman of easy virtue, not even Blanche would go to bed with three different men in the course of forty-eight hours. She is appalled by this behavior, revealing another side to our Southern vixen. 

The episode gives insight into Blanche's worldview. As she tells Lucy, Blanche does enjoy the company of men and isn't ashamed of it; however, when Blanche submits to a man it is because she like him, not because she wants him to like her. Blanche pointedly tells Lucy that men do not find Lucy attractive but available. Blanche shows Lucy that their differences with men comes down to control: Blanche has it, Lucy does not. 

McClanahan plays this so very well, and Nice and Easy is a very good performance from her. Her scene with Todd is wonderful. She also has a great scene when countering Rose's story of when she went to meet up with a boy in Tyler's Landing which somehow evolved into her whole family becoming Lutherans. Her defiant recitation of her outrageous escapades from running off with an older man for a quickie marriage to performing as a Rockette under an assumed name is well acted.

White is also strong in Nice and Easy. She has a memorable moment when matching wits with Ed Collins, Miami Vice. One is surprised to learn that Rose Nylund adores the cop show Miami Vice, the mix of sweet, naive Rose delving into the criminal world of Miami a bit startling. The delight she has in answering Ed's allegedly difficult questions is wonderful. She also is great when doing her own oddball version of Our Town in her tale of the sordid love triangle Reverend McKenzie, Millie Beasley and her husband Emmett. 

Arthur has less to do, primarily relegated to the battle between Dorothy and the mouse. However, when she is talking to the rat, begging him to go so that she will not have to kill it, Arthur is extremely funny. Getty is able to rattle off some zingers in a strong way. There is when she declares Lucy a slut. After Dorothy tells Lucy that they loved having her, Sophia remarks, "So did half of Miami" in a somewhat audible way. 

Stovitz played the part of the himbo Ed very well, this young man so dumb that he modeled his life after the Sonny Crockett character without realizing it was all fantasy. His total idiocy outdid Rose, though to be fair Rose was merely naive and literal while Ed was just a moron. Todd did well, though I felt her Southern accent was a bit overdone. 

Nice and Easy is funny and moving, with the story moving well and with good performances. 

I wonder if Coco would have pointed out how so many men love Lucy. 

8/10

Next Episode: The Operation

The Golden Girls: The Truth Will Out

THE GOLDEN GIRLS: 

THE TRUTH WILL OUT

Written by: Susan Beavers

Directed by: Terry Hughes

Airdate: January 18, 1986

Many family issues and struggles result from one source: money. The Truth Will Out is, in retrospect, not a sign of a daughter's greed so much as disappointment. I see it with new eyes, making a case that a character long thought of as evil is actually misunderstood.

Rose Nylund (Betty White) is both happy and worried about an upcoming family visit. Her daughter Kirsten (Christina Belford) and granddaughter Charley (Brigette Andersen) are coming, but it is not just a friendly stopover. Kirsten is executrix of Rose's will, so she is coming in part to look over the estate papers. That is what worries Rose. For her part, Rose's housemate Blanche Deveraux (Rue McClanahan) is more interested in a high society murder case to give much thought to whatever deep, dark Nylund family secrets there may be.

Secrets there are as Kirsten is upset to angry that her mother's estate does not have the millions that Kirsten's late father made. Rose tells Kirsten that she squandered the money on bad investments and get-rich-quick schemes, but the truth is much simpler. Rose, however, does not want to tell Kirsten out of fear of some kind. However, when Rose learns from her late husband's namesake that the only things she knows about Charlie is that he was handsome and very rich, she decides it is time for the truth. Charlie Nylund was not a good businessman. A mix of incompetence and generosity left him not broke but with few assets at the time of his death. Reconciled, Kirsten and Rose go to lunch, figuring the estate can cover a meal for three.

This is the first time we meet one of Rose's children and grandchildren. Rose has mentioned that she has a son, but Kirsten is one of the few Nylund children to pop up on the series. It is unclear whether Kirsten is married or not. They do still live in Minnesota, if not necessarily "Little Falls" (I don't think "St. Olaf" has been mentioned yet). Kirsten seems sensible and rational, making it strange to think she emerged from what Dorothy in the future would refer to as "the cradle of idiocy". As a side note, presuming that Alma Lindstrom, last seen in Blanche and the Younger Man, was still alive during the events of The Truth Will Out, Charley would have known her great-grandmother. 

There is only one section cut from The Truth Will Out in repeats. It is before Kirsten and Charley arrive where Blanche shows off some new purchases, Sophia keeps getting Charlie (the husband) and Charley (the granddaughter) mixed up and more about the murder case Blanche is obsessed with. She can't be that obsessed though, for despite it being the "Duncan Osgood" case, she at another time calls it the "Paxton Osgood" case. 

I think there is a sense among Golden Girls fans that Kirsten is basically a bitch for being so harsh against Rose over her lack of inheritance. I initially did not think well of Kirsten's reaction to finding out that she will not be living on easy street after her mother drops dead. I do still think that Kirsten was terribly wrong in emphasizing to Charley that Charlie Nylund was "very, very rich". Up to a point, I can see why she did. In The Truth Will Out, Rose mentions how Charlie was away from home so often due to work that he and the kids did not know each other as much as they would have liked. Still a bad thing to emphasize to your daughter on how their grandfather was loaded and they would be too once Grandmama kicked the bucket. 

Having a little more distance and perspective, I think Kirsten was somewhat right to be upset. I picture that Kirsten thought that with the inheritance she thought she would collect from the estate she could provide better and more to Charley. In short, she, I think, was counting on the money for her and Charley's future. Therefore, finding out that there was no money would devastate her dreams and plans. I can see now why she would be upset if we apply that thinking.

Still does not make it right to cut off your own mother because you are not getting more money, but it does not sound so cruel or arrogant if you look at it from that perspective. Your kids should be your top priority. Rose lied about the millions Charlie had in a way to protect him and make him successful to his kids. Kirsten may have wanted the money she thought she would get to provide for Charley. It also altered the way Kirsten saw both her parents, so I can somewhat see why Kirsten reacted as she did. 

Again, to cut your parent off over money is cruel, but looking at it again, I think Kirsten has gotten a bit of a bum rap over the will. 

On the whole, I think the performances are quite good. Belford has a more patrician air than I imagine someone who would be Rose's daughter would. Belford did well in more amusing moments such as presenting Dorothy and Blanche some very sweet logs. However, it was mostly drama that Belford had to do, and I think she did well. I thought Andersen was cute without being cloying. Her scene with White in which Charley discusses her childish ideas about going on a date with a prince or telling Rose all she knows about Grandpa were strong.

As a side note, Brigette Andersen died at 21 due to a heroin overdose. Seeing this sweet, adorable child give a good performance while knowing her ultimate fate makes it hard to watch. 

White again gave an excellent performance. She has the naive Rose who does not realize that the sugary logs are distasteful. She also has a more dramatic side, where she confesses the truth about Charlie. 

It is unfortunate that McClanahan, Arthur and Getty had less to do. To be fair, Arthur has a great moment where she attempts to dissuade Rose from giving out too much information by faking sleep only to reveal that she was perfectly awake. Getty too managed to throw out some good lines, such as when she is told by Rose that she and Charley are having a makeup lesson. "I hope the kid can help you. You wear more rogue than Miss Piggy", Sophia tells her. However, McClanahan had little to do but go on about the "Duncan/Paxton Osgood case". 

The Truth Will Out is an episode I saw with a new perspective. I grew less hostile to Kirsten Nylund. No, not sympathetic or thinking that she was in the right. However, I think she is not the monster many think she is. Well-acted though with the flaw of the Osgood case, The Truth Will Out works well. 

If Charley needed makeup tips, I figure Coco would have been as helpful to her as Rose would have been.     

7/10

Next Episode: Nice and Easy

The Golden Girls: In A Bed of Rose's

THE GOLDEN GIRLS: IN A BED OF ROSE'S

Written by: Susan Harris

Directed by: Terry Hughes

Airdate: January 11, 1986

For being the most innocent and least sexually experienced of the four Golden Girls, Rose Nylund (Betty White) has the worst luck whenever she indulges in the pleasures of the flesh. Her beloved husband Charlie died while they were making love. Now in In a Bed of Rose's, she faces the same scenario with a more shocking twist. Yes, more shocking than having a lover die with her in bed. Allowing Rose to have outrageous and tender moments, In a Bed of Rose's takes what should be a serious situation and makes it hilarious.

Rose Nylund finds herself in a strange situation when she brings her latest beau Al Beatty (Richard Roat) home with her. This is the first time she has ever brought a potential lover back to her home and she is concerned that her other housemates will discover her liaison. Al assures her that he will be quiet, but the next morning two of her housemates, Blanche Deveraux (Rue McClanahan) and Dorothy Zbornak (Bea Arthur) comment about all the racket they heard from her bedroom last night. Whether Dorothy's mother, Sophia Petrillo (Estelle Getty) heard Rose's "nightmare" is unknown. Sophia, however, does mention that there is a man in Rose's bed. That man, however, just so happens to be dead.

Rose is horrified that she slept with a dead man. Having already lost her husband during a sexual encounter, Rose is convinced that she somehow has the power to kill men through sex. The trauma of a second man dying after having sex with her is already bad enough for Rose. She, however, learns to her horror that Al's "sister" who lived with him is actually his wife (Priscilla Morrill). Rose decides that the right thing to do is to tell Mrs. Beatty in person that her husband is dead, even if it means exposing herself as his newest mistress. 

Rose is devastated by the turn of events and swears off any future romances until Mrs. Beatty gives her unexpected news. With that, Rose opts three months later to try again, but has history repeated itself yet again?

In a Bed of Rose's confirms what will be one of the few elements that stayed consistent throughout the series: how Charlie Nylund died. Charlie Nylund died during an act of lovemaking with Rose, something first mentioned in Rose the Prude and later in The Heart Attack. Now with In a Bed of Rose's, the truth about poor Charlie is revealed to all (Rose having told only her then-boyfriend Arnie and later, Dorothy). We also learn that George Deveraux was killed in a car accident when a driver drove headfirst into him going down the wrong way. 

Two parts are cut from reruns. The first is more about how Blanche learned of George's death, reported to her by a disinterested policeman eating chips over the phone. Blanche observes that Rose would not eat chips while calling Mrs. Beatty about her husband's death. The other cut section is the story Rose tells of Inga Lundqvist, a neighbor who accidentally shredded her husband. This story is brought up when the three other women go square dancing while Rose insists on staying at home. It does not completely impact the flow of In a Bed of Rose's, but it does leave some context out.

Betty White earned the Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series with the episode In a Bed of Rose's, and I can see why. She balances the comedy of the bizarre situation with a genuine heart when making the difficult decision to tell Mrs. Beatty that not only had her husband been unfaithful but was dead. White never hits a wrong note in the episode. She milks Rose's continuing inability to not take the expression "he bought the farm" literally. The combination of shock and sadness when discovering Al's repeated infidelities mixed with her own guilt about two men dying on her makes White moving. 

White has a great reaction to when Sophia rubs in her plight. After Dorothy asks Rose if she'll be all right alone, Sophia replies, "She'll be fine. If anyone breaks in, she'll just have to sleep with them," leading to a priceless White face.

While Betty White won the Emmy for In a Bed of Rose's, I am surprised that Priscilla Morrill was not nominated for Outstanding Guest Actress in a Comedy Series. She too has wonderful facial expressions, such as initially dismissing whatever bad news Rose came to tell her. "Well, you couldn't be pregnant," she states. Once she learns of Al's death, the shift from comedy to drama is excellent. As she attempts to talk herself out of believing the news, we see the devastation she feels, as well as the genuine love Mrs. Beatty had for Al despite his inability to stay faithful. She has a wonderful closing line for her first scene with Rose. After Rose continues berating herself for what happened, Mrs. Beatty looks straight at her. "Mrs. Nylund, you've been sleeping with my husband who has just died. See if you can pull yourself together because in a minute, I'm going to need some comforting myself!"

Oddly, while she is billed as "Lucille", I do not remember that name being used. If memory serves right, she was always referred to as "my sister" (when Al is lying to Rose about who she is), "his wife" and "Mrs. Beatty". She even calls herself "Mrs. Beatty" when she comes to the house to let Rose know that she had nothing to do with Al's death.

In a Bed of Rose's is probably the episode in which Arthur's Dorothy features least. McClanahan's Blanche has her story about learning of George's death. Getty's Sophia throws out zinger after zinger, mocking the dead body she found and throwing barbs at Rose. Arthur is not a major part of the episode, but it is not a terrible thing. 

One thing that did puzzle me is how when Rose talked about dating again three months after Al's death, she talks about going away with "Arnie". Did she get back together with the first man she slept with after Charlie's death? Why Arnie? At the moment, it is the innocent farmer's daughter who has ratcheted up the most lovers with three: Charlie, Arnie and Al. Maybe despite it all, Rose is the slut of the group. 

In a Bed of Rose's takes a surprisingly horrible situation and makes it hilarious. Blending moments of comedy with genuine drama and emotion, In a Bed of Rose's is another strong episode.

I figure Coco would have had to carry Al's body to the front yard if Rose had followed Sophia's advice. 

9/10

Next Episode: The Truth Will Out

The Golden Girls: That Was No Lady

THE GOLDEN GIRLS: THAT WAS NO LADY

Written by: Liz Sage

Directed by: Jim Drake

Airdate: December 21, 1985

The four women of The Golden Girls have had romantic issues, but Dorothy Zbornak (Bea Arthur) seems to have the more difficult ones. The only divorcee, Dorothy now finds herself on the other side in That Was No Lady. Strong performances and an interesting dilemma make up for a weak B-plot.

Dorothy is enthralled with Glen O'Brien (Alex Rocco), a gym teacher at the school she is working at. They quickly begin an affair, which she initially cuts off when he confesses that he is married. Conflicted, she finds no resolution when advised by her housemates Rose Nylund (Betty White) and Blanche Deveraux (Rue McClanahan). Rose is adamant that Dorothy cannot run around with a married man. Blanche suggests discretion, though she admits that despite her reputation she herself has never slept with a married man. For her part, Dorothy's mother Sophia Petrillo (Estelle Getty) is firmly against Dorothy being in her words, "somebody's floozy".

Blanche and Rose are for their part dealing with car troubles. Rose needs a new car and Blanche wants to dump her old car for a new one. Blanche offers Rose her car for a two-week trial, which initially works out for Rose. Soon, however, Rose starts having issues with the car which Blanche eventually reveals is a lemon she is trying to unload because the dealership won't give her the full Blue Book price. Fortunately for her, the car ends up stolen.

We learn not much about the characters in That Was No Lady but did get some great continuity contradictions which The Golden Girls became famous or notorious for. Rose recounts how she and Charlie first met. In her yet-unnamed hometown (which so far would be "Little Falls" from The Break-In), Rose met Charlie when she was seven and he was eight. He had a little street stand which sold not lemonade but insurance. It was love at first sight for both. Charlie was so much in love that he paid for a new red wagon when a group of hogs destroyed Rose's after seeing it carry a roast, even though her policy did not cover acts of swine. 

Going by her presumed age of 51 based on Rose the Prude, Charles "Charlie" Nylund would have been born in 1935. With that in mind, poor Charlie would have died in 1970 at the age of 37. I don't think it makes any sense, but by now on Episode 14 the show I think does not even bother to try and keep track of characters' ages or children/grandchildren.

Curiously, Rose's initial story of how she and Charlie met (at a dance) is cut from Rose the Prude when it is repeated, so most people who have never seen the complete episodes would take Rose's story of Charlie's insurance stand as their first meeting. In this situation, I think we do not have to be so strict. 

Three bits are cut from That Was No Lady rebroadcasts. There is more of Dorothy's initial reaction to Glen's confession about him being married. There is more of Dorothy and Rose discussing Dorothy's affair. Most famously, there is when Sophia starts singing Purple Rain while listening to it on cassette. This last part I figure is due to copyright issues. Prince's classic is not actually heard, but Getty merely quoting it apparently was enough to get it clipped from future showings. It is to the editing credit that it does not affect anything.

That Was No Lady is less funny than most Golden Girls episodes, but it is still effective. The secondary plot of Rose taking Blanche's car is not interesting apart from making Rose look dim. This is a more dramatic episode where we see Dorothy's conflict about being someone's mistress.

Arthur does an excellent job portraying Dorothy's various reactions to the situation. She shifts from horror and outrage to acceptance to realization that as she says, she is not cut out to be the other woman. The longing for Glen which makes her party to adultery shows how love can make anyone foolish. Arthur has two great scenes in the hotel room where she and Glen have their trysts. The first is when she shifts from the joy of love to the horror of infidelity. The second is when, after starting up her relationship, she sees that her temporary pleasure will not make her happy.

She and Getty have an especially strong scene near the end. Dorothy is at first defiant about her relationship with Glen, then almost pleading to her mother to see that she is happy. Sophia tenderly states to her daughter that if she is so happy, why does she hear Dorothy pace in her room all night. It is, Sophia points out, a feeling of guilt. She already made her position clear when she scolded Dorothy for being Glen's floozy. Sophia, unlike Rose, does not disapprove due to moral reasons. She disapproves because she knows being a mistress will only end up making her daughter miserable and wants to steer her back to a genuine happiness versus the temporary physical thrill.

Getty is excellent here, revealing a genuine love for Dorothy behind her stern disapproval. 

Perhaps the biggest surprise is McClanahan's Blanche. One would think someone who is known as a sexually vibrant woman would have been the other party in many relationships. However, in That Was No Lady she makes clear she does not step out with married men. Blanche explains it by saying that she knows that a married man will eventually feel guilty and give better gifts to the wife. However, I think she uses that excuse because at heart, Blanche is interested in sex but not at the cost of her integrity or in hurting others; in this case, The Golden Girls does establish consistency in that part of Blanche's character. There will be other episodes where she is firm in refusing to become sexually or romantically involved with married men, and if she does find herself with another woman's husband, she will break it off immediately no questions asked. For all her promiscuity, Blanche Deveraux does have standards. 

As a side note, hearing Rose describe it as a den of iniquity is oddly amusing.

That Was No Lady still has moments of laughter, but they do not spring from large parts of the plot. They have funny lines, such as Sophia advising Dorothy to go bowling where she can rent shoes to wear. There are funny moments, such as when Dorothy in her shocked state attempts to storm out of the hotel room by going into the bathroom. However, That Was No Lady is more a well-crafted character study of finding that something that might feel right is not right.  

If Sophia refused to tell Dorothy where her shoes were at, I'm sure that Coco would have gladly let Dorothy borrow his for her assignation. 

9/10

Next Episode: In A Bed of Rose's 

The Golden Girls: A Little Romance

THE GOLDEN GIRLS: A LITTLE ROMANCE

Written by: Mort Nathan and Barry Fanaro

Directed by: Terry Hughes

Airdate: December 14, 1985

In today's world, the term "midget" is taken as a slur comparable to "the N word" for African Americans or "wetbacks" for Hispanics. In 1985, not only was it seen a a mere descriptive word but something one could find humor in. A Little Romance won its writers an Emmy Award and I think it is well-deserved. I think A Little Romance is the funniest Golden Girl Season One episode yet, outrageous and hilarious.

Sophia Petrillo (Estelle Getty) is not looking forward to spending time with her son Phil and his wife, a welder, or their ten kids. She is leaving to see her grandson's graduation from animal grooming school, so she is unaware of Rose Nylund's (Betty White) newest beau. He is Dr. Jonathan Newman (Brent Collins), a psychiatrist at the grief center Rose works at. Rose is reluctant to talk about Dr. Newman or their relationship. She keeps delaying introducing Dr. Newman to her housemates Dorothy Zbornak (Bea Arthur) and Blanche Deveraux (Rue McClanahan). Blanche takes the opportunity to invite Dr. Newman to dinner when he calls.

It soon becomes clear why Rose was reluctant to have them meet Dr. Newman. He is a dwarf, leading to Blanche and occasionally Dorothy making inadvertently offensive puns. They are charmed by Dr. Newman, but then alarmed when Rose insists that Dr. Newman is going to propose marriage. Rose does not know what to do until the answer comes in a dream. With visits from a miniaturized version of Rose's father (Billy Barty) and "famed psychic Jeanne Dixon" (Dixon cameoing as herself), Rose decides to accept Dr. Newman's proposal. Rose, however, is in for a rude shock when she finds that Dr. Newman is not going to propose.

Despite not being a major part of the episode, we learn quite a bit about Sophia from A Little Romance. We learn that she is the grandmother of ten from Phil alone. Counting Dorothy's two children and at least one if not more from Gloria, she has at least thirteen grandkids. Phil, from these accounts, is not a MENSA member. I think the best description for Philip Petrillo would be "white trash". He married a welder whose father is in prison and who just kept having children after children: six boys, four girls. The grandson Sophia is going to see is 22 years old, meaning he was born in 1963. Why is that important? Well, it means that Phil more than likely met the same fate that Dorothy did, only in reverse. My guess would be that Philip would have had his own shotgun wedding. Moreover, as whether Philip or Gloria is the baby of the family flips back and forth, it is hard to know how old Phil was when he got married.

There is a surprising amount that is cut from A Little Romance on reruns, mostly around the dinner for Dr. Newman. There is Dr. Newman's initial reaction to Blanche's uncomfortableness with his stature. There is Dorothy and Blanche discussing Dr. Newman's merits. There is Dorothy's reaction to Blanche's story about her dating Benjamin, causing a scandal in her Southern community. There are cuts to both Blanche and Dorothy comforting Rose as she struggles with her decision. Most surprisingly is Rose's dream, which goes on much longer than it does on reruns. 

A Little Romance has two great highlights: the dinner with Dr. Newman and Rose's dream sequence. The dinner is hilarious thanks to McClanahan's performance. Blanche's total discomfort at the situation, where she constantly stumbles over her efforts to not offend, will have you laughing. No matter what Blanche tries to say or do, she keeps tripping over herself. Whether offering Dr. Newman shrimp or suggesting that it was a small world, McClanahan has us like Blanche because she obviously means no harm but keeps making a fool out of herself. 

McClanahan has a separate, brilliant moment separate from the events of A Little Romance when recounting her romance with a young man named Benjamin. The Blanche/Benjamin romance should be forbidden by the mores of the times, but ultimately Blanche rose to the occasion and went to Prom with Benjamin. Only Blanche Deveraux would make this story not only into an epic, but also lead us to think it was an interracial romance when the real scandal was that Benjamin was from New Jersey. As Blanche recounts with horror, she went to Prom with a Yankee!

The dream sequence is also brilliant because it allows almost everyone to ham it up and exaggerate to an almost unhinged manner. As it is clearly a dream, we accept the cartoonish manner that McClanahan and Arthur put into the performances. Even Collins is exaggerated in his performance when wooing a reluctant Rose. Billy Barty as Rose's father is not as over-the-top, but still within the spirt of the scene. Curiously, Barty is billed as "Edgar Lindstrom", but I do not remember the name being used. Interestingly, Getty is the only one who is not broad in her performance. She is mostly within her usual Sophia, but like Barty she too gets into the spirit of things. Still, seeing Sophia dressed as a traditional Catholic priest is impossible to resist.

A Little Romance has the first cameo in the series with Jeanne Dixon playing herself. I imagine that most people nowadays do not know or remember Dixon was. At the time of the episode, she was a well-known psychic who was alleged to have predicted the assassination of President Kennedy. I think she is a major flaw in A Little Romance for a variety of reasons. First, she dates the episode, for Dixon is pretty much a forgotten figure now. Second, her oddball predictions such as how Brooke Shields and "Lady Di" would star in a Broadway musical comedy or Jackie O will tie the knot again were not funny. Third, when she is announced as one of Rose and Jonathan's wedding guests, you got the sense that the cast had to pump up the audience's interest by leading the applause.

It is curious that while Dixon is the weak part of A Little Romance, the episode itself is hilarious from top to bottom. The situation itself, the characters' reaction to it, the side story of Blanche and Benjamin, and the twists within it all make it a great source of laughter. We get the twist ending of why Dr. Newman and Rose cannot be together. However, we get another twist when Sophia returns unexpectedly in time to meet Dr. Newman. Everyone handles things so well that it elevates the comedy. 

Everything in A Little Romance works, making it hilarious without being mean-spirited. Big things, it appears, do come in small packages. 

I imagine that Coco would have had more sense to serve shrimp and short ribs for dinner.

10/10

Next Episode: That Was No Lady

The Golden Girls: The Custody Battle

THE GOLDEN GIRLS: THE CUSTODY BATTLE

Written by: Winifred Hervey

Directed by: Terry Hughes 

Airdate: December 7, 1985

The Custody Battle presents us with a very curious situation. It is the second Golden Girls episode where sisters are fighting. Just like the last battle between siblings we saw, The Custody Battle actually shows that love can spring from hidden animosity.

Sophia Petrillo (Estelle Getty) thinks she is doing well by trying to get her daughter Dorothy Zbornak (Bea Arthur) to go out. Dorothy angrily pushes Sophia's efforts away, demanding to be given space. Their battle is temporarily suspended when Sophia's other daughter Gloria (Doris Belak) comes to visit. Gloria is a wealthy widow in California, with servants and Bert Convy shopping at the same grocery store. Sophia accepts Gloria's offer to move in with her. 

Dorothy is upset at the news, as so are her housemates Blanche Deveraux (Rue McClanahan) and Rose Nylund (Betty White). Blanche and Rose are auditioning for a local production of Macbeth, with Blanche convinced she will be cast as Lady Macbeth. It helps that she slept with the director. Blanche's efforts to sleep her way to the top flop, as she ends up cast as Witch #3 and Rose ends up as Lady Macbeth. After a fight between Dorothy and Gloria, they reveal that each thinks the other is Sophia's favorite only to find that maybe Sophia loves them both the same. 

Judging from The Custody Battle, I think Gloria is the youngest of Sophia's three children. Dorothy makes a comment that it is natural for Sophia to be fond of Gloria as she is "the baby". This, I think, will fluctuate, for I think in other episodes it is Sophia's son Phil who is referred to as the baby of the family. I think Dorothy is the oldest of the Petrillo children. We also see what becomes a regular occurrence on The Golden Girls: Rose and Blanche participating in local theater productions. Dorothy does try out for community theater every so often, but it is more often Rose and Blanche who are seen auditioning. It looks like this is a shared interest for them.  

We learn that Gloria has at least one daughter, Katherine, and that Rose has nine siblings. In The Competition, we learn that Rose has six brothers. We know that one of them lives in Houston per Blanche and the Younger Man. As such, Rose would be one of three girls born to Alma Lindstrom and her husband. 

Only one section is cut from rebroadcasts of The Custody Battle. It is a scene where Dorothy talks about her feelings of inadequacy over Gloria. 

Somehow, it seems that all four Golden Girls have sister issues. While they mostly get along with each other, Dorothy, Sophia, Blanche and Rose all have fraught relationships with their female siblings. I do not know why that is. We saw this with Blanche and Virginia in Transplant. Later on, both Sophia and Rose will have episodes where they are fighting with their own sisters. The Custody Battle focuses on the rivalry between Dorothy and Gloria.

What elevates The Custody Battle is that it rings true. The conflicts within House Petrillo are relatable and none are out of maliciousness. In fact, both of them come from a sense of love. Sophia means well even if she does not know when to pull back. Dorothy and Gloria too mean well, at least when it comes to Sophia. Each of them genuinely loves their mother, even though Sophia has pitted them against the other. We see this in the final fight between Gloria and Dorothy. All this time, the audience is led to think that Gloria is Sophia's favorite (The Heart Attack notwithstanding). Gloria has led a pretty charmed life: a wealthy husband, successful children (save for Katherine who like her mother and grandfather got large noses), shopping with Bert Convy. 

However, Gloria reveals another side to Mother Petrillo as well as her own issues with Dorothy. Gloria had her own sense of inferiority towards her older sister. Dorothy is strong and capable of handling herself, with lots of friends and a career. As Gloria tells her, in Sophia's eyes, she could never measure up to Dorothy, something she pointed out in English and Italian. Sophia, despite being sharp-tongued and at times belittling towards Dorothy, relies on her eldest daughter for protection and security. 

We see this in a wonderful moment between Arthur and Getty when Dorothy comes into Sophia's room as she is packing. As played by them, it is clear neither wants Sophia to leave, but both are too proud to admit it. It is such a well-acted scene: quiet and effective.

It also is charming to think, as Sophia tells them, that while most children fight over getting rid of their parents, her children are fighting to see who gets to keep her. Underneath the sibling rivalries and parent-child conflicts, there is a lot of love.

Blanche and Rose have a lesser plot of who will be Queen of the Scottish Play, but it gives them funny bits to play with. The idea of sweet Rose portraying the wicked Lady Macbeth must reveal an actress of intensity and skill. Who would think Rose Nylund would make such an excellent manipulator and murderess? 

The Custody Battle is sweet and funny, working well in balancing humor and heart.

If Sophia had ended up moving to California to live with Gloria, do you think Coco would have gone with them to for a chance to grocery shop with Bert Convy?  

9/10

Next Episode: A Little Romance

The Golden Girls: Stan's Return

THE GOLDEN GIRLS: STAN'S RETURN (aka THE RETURN OF DOROTHY'S EX)

Written by: Kathy Speer and Terry Grossman

Directed by: Jim Drake

Airdate: November 30, 1985

Stan's Return, also known as The Return of Dorothy's Ex, makes clear what the episode will be about. The ideas of regret play well in the episode, making it better than the last one. We learn that like a bad penny, Stanley Zbornak (Herb Edelman) will not be denied, except for terrific sex.

Homeowner Blanche Devereaux (Rue McClanahan) along with her housemates Rose Nylund (Betty White) and Dorothy Zbornak (Bea Arthur) are considering various places where they could vacation together. Displeased with things is Dorothy's mother Sophia Petrillo (Estelle Getty), who is being excluded from the trip. She is more displeased when Dorothy's yutz of an ex-husband Stanley (Herb Edelman) comes on business. He and Dorothy are going to sell some property that they bought when they came to Miami on their honeymoon where they had hoped to retire.

It is after they conclude their business when they go for lunch that Stan breaks down in tears. It is not the sale of what would have been their retirement bungalow that causes the waterworks. It is that Stan's current wife Crissy (Simone Griffeth) has left him for a younger man. This leads to Dorothy and Stan sleeping together, shocking everyone. Dorothy is herself shocked when she finds that Stan takes this ex-sex as a sign that they might get back together. She is tempted to rekindle their romance, but ultimately decides not to. Stan goes after Crissy, who has flown in from Maui to get back with him. With that, Dorothy toasts them alone, accepting that neither of them will get terrific sex.

We learn from Stan's Return that the circumstances of the Zbornak wedding were not exactly ideal. If Sophia is to be believed, Stan got Dorothy drunk when he knocked her up. That does appear to be date rape, which is concerning. For a show that prided itself on its progressive nature, managing to make this situation funny is, well, curious. I wonder if that part of how Stan got Dorothy drunk could or should be cut (currently it is not). We learn that Dorothy and Stan honeymooned in Miami. 

If we go by the characters' ages established in past episodes, especially Guess Who's Coming to the Wedding? and The Competition, Stan and Dorothy would have been married in 1945 when Stan would be 25 and Dorothy a shocking 15. Something I never thought of until now is on Stan's military service; if Stan was 65 when The Engagement took place, which is the age Dorothy said he was, he would have been born in 1920. That would make him 18 to 19 years old when World War II broke out, meaning that he should have been serving in the military. Granted, he may have been rejected for service for some reason, but that is speculation. 

Add to that is the idea that if, again going by what has been previously established in terms of ages, how exactly could two kids from Brooklyn not only afford a honeymoon to Miami but also manage to purchase property there while on their honeymoon? This is 1945 and money is not flowing freely. Again, it may be plausible that Stan and Dorothy bought the Florida property later, but that is not how Stan's Return paints it. It is clear that Stan and Dorothy bought the property while on their honeymoon. One more thing with regards to this part of the plot. How is it that Dorothy never seemed to remember that she owned property in Florida where she now lives? Was her honeymoon so haunted that she just forgot that she co-owned land there?

Only one part is cut from Stan's Return in rebroadcasts. It is an extended scene where Dorothy, Rose and Blanche discuss Dorothy's situation about getting back together with Stan. It is when Rose attempts to draw parallels between Dorothy's plight and when Rose found herself being romanced by Eddie Parker, Aqua Midget. It is hard to know whether it is Dorothy and Blanche who cannot control their laughter at this oddball story or Arthur and McClanahan who cannot. 

Stan's Return is a good, strong episode, tackling Dorothy's conflicted view of her ex-husband. When Stan goes over a potential future with her, such as her opening an antique shop that had been a dream of hers, we see the sadness Dorothy has over whether to take that risk or not. As she contemplates opting to reunite with Stan or not, Arthur gives an excellent performance. We get her dramatic moments balanced with amusing ones. The final scene where she meets the second Mrs. Zbornak is funny, especially when Dorothy mockingly uses Chrissy's nicknames for Stan: Big Stan and Stick Man. 

This is, I think, the only time we see Chrissy, the "dumb blonde" to Dorothy. In her one scene, I cannot say Griffeth was good. However, Chrissy Zbornak was meant to be a bit cartoonish, so I give a little leeway. The subplot of Rose, Blanche and Dorothy planning a trip together without Sophia was there to give the others something to do. I still marvel at the idea that they are so close as to plan vacations together. I also do think it is unfair to push Sophia to be the de facto guard dog. 

Edelman makes the second of many returns, and this is the first time we see him voluntarily appear sans toupee. His baldness will become a running gag. Edelman does wonderful job makes Stan into a yutz, but early on, he was allowed a more complex persona. His latching on to Dorothy, hopes for a reconciliation, and subtle calls to a potential positive future were effective. He handled the comedy well but could do the drama equally well. I think in the future, the chances for that balance would grow fewer and fewer.

Stan's Return handles drama and comedy well. It is funny and at times moving. While a bit perplexing in some places, it is good to see Stan's Return.  

I like to think that Chrissy and Coco would have commiserated over men.  

8/10 

Next Episode: The Custody Battle

The Golden Girls: The Heart Attack

THE GOLDEN GIRLS: THE HEART ATTACK

Written by: Winifred Hervey

Directed by: Jim Drake

Airdate: November 23, 1985

The Heart Attack is an episode that I pretty much skip every time it comes on television. I suppose this might be a filler episode, one where nothing is meant to happen. Bless everyone for trying to make it work, but The Heart Attack is boring and save for one detail that would remain consistent is pretty much skippable.

After a big party the four housemates are cleaning up. Homeowner Blanche Deveraux (Rue McClanahan) mocks some of the guests. Rose Nylund (Betty White) and Dorothy Zbornak (Bea Arthur) continue snacking and cleaning, enjoying the successful party. Dorothy's mother Sophia Petrillo (Estelle Getty) soon starts feeling what she calls a bubble, pressure on her chest she initially thinks is indigestion.

It might be more than that, however. Sophia now believes that it is a heart attack. Paramedics are called, but there is a storm that is blocking roads. With them trapped and Sophia potentially dying, everyone starts contemplating death. Eventually, Sophia's doctor Dr. Harris (Ronald Hunter) arrives and diagnoses Sophia as having a gallbladder attack due to overeating. Crisis over, Sophia takes back what she said to Dorothy about her being Sophia's favorite. 

We learn one of the most tragic elements in The Golden Girls: how Rose's husband Charlie died. In Rose the Prude, Rose tells her then-boyfriend that Charlie died while he and Rose were making love. In The Heart Attack, she confirms this when she tells Dorothy that she has seen a heart attack and that it is much worse than what Sophia is experiencing. It is a very moving description of his death, and one can see Rose's continued grief over the love of her life. We do learn that Charlie died after Labor Day, since in her flustered state she started putting white pants on Charlie and he immediately said that he couldn't wear white after Labor Day. For all the inconsistencies and contradictions that The Golden Girls would have, Charlie's death is one of the few that remained constant.

This compares to the inconsistency of Sophia's widowhood. In The Competition, Sophia tells her long-lost love that she has been a widow for 22 years. In The Heart Attack, she says she is looking forward to seeing her husband, whom she hasn't seen in 30 years. What happened in those missing eight years?   

There is a surprising amount in The Heart Attack that is removed from reruns. There is the previously mentioned dissing of the guests by Blanche. There is a listing of how various members of Sophia and Dorothy's family died. There is a longer conversation in the kitchen about the various food they have eaten. There is a conversation between Rose and Blanche about the pros and cons of burial versus cremation. There is an extended section where Rose keeps Sophia company as Dorothy and Blanche look for Sophia's rosary beads.

I was surprised at how much of The Heart Attack was cut from the original broadcast. Oddly, one section from The Heart Attack that perhaps should be cut is Rose telling Sophia what she thinks Heaven is like. I should say, "Heavens", for without meaning to, Rose believes in a segregated afterlife. I do not mean by race but rather by religion. She talks about how she imagined there is a Catholic heaven with nuns and priests. There is a Protestant heaven with people and cows. There is a Jewish heaven with libraries and I think furriers. I know it is meant to show Rose's naivete. However, I think it makes her look accidentally bigoted. Why would Catholics and Protestants have a separate Heaven? Would those who entered Paradise be one with Christ? I get why she would imagine such a thing. I do not get why anyone else thought that maybe Rose should not be seen this way.

I wonder if Rose shared her ideas of a Jewish Heaven with Dr. Harris, who tells them that he is Jewish.

The Heart Attack is boring. I think it is because there is no real plot: Sophia may be having a heart attack, and the three other women react to it. I think it undercuts the drama when we are only on Episode 10, and one imagines that they are not going to kill off a by-now major character. I think the women did as well as they could with the script. To be fair, each of them had a small moment where we could see how death, remembered or contemplated, could be traumatic for them. However, there does not seem to be any real sense of urgency. I can never feel anxious or sad about Sophia possibly dying because I do not believe it. 

Perhaps the oddest element in The Heart Attack is that it aired shortly before Thanksgiving. This meditation on death seems a strange way to greet a holiday built around food and family, not to mention the traditional opening to the Christmas season. It might have been better to have moved The Heart Attack to later in the season. It might have had a greater impact to see Sophia potentially dying (and thus, leaving the series) if it had happened near the end of Season One versus early on. 

Again, I think everyone did the best they could in The Heart Attack. However, I found it slow, dull and pointless. I always skip The Heart Attack whenever it is on reruns, and now I am glad I will never have to watch it again.

I'll bet none of this would have happened if Coco had made all the food for that party.   

2/10

Next Episode: Stan's Return

The Golden Girls: Blanche and the Younger Man

THE GOLDEN GIRLS: BLANCHE AND THE YOUNGER MAN

Written by: James Berg and Stan Zimmerman

Directed by: Jim Drake

Airdate: November 16, 1985

I cannot say for sure but Blanche and the Younger Man may be the first Golden Girls episode where we had an A and B plot. In other words, Blanche and the Younger Man had two stories going on versus one major story with at most a smaller one going on simultaneously. If not for the secondary plot, Blanche and the Younger Man would be a weak and sluggish episode.

Blanche Devereaux (Rue McClanahan) is surprised and delighted when her Jazzercise instructor Dirk (Charles Hill) asks her out. She grudgingly admits that Dirk is younger, though insisting that the age gap is a less than five years. This suggestion makes her housemate Dorothy Zbornak (Bea Arthur) roll her eyes and Dorothy's mother Sophia (Estelle Getty) greets this amusement.

Visiting at the same time is Alma Lindstrom (Jeanette Nolan), mother of Rose Nylund (Betty White). Rose hovers over Alma incessantly, treating her as almost an invalid when Alma is far from it. Rose's smothering of Alma reaches a breaking point after Alma opts to separate from Sophia on an outing. Bizarrely taken to a police station, Alma angrily berates Rose for humiliating her in front of strangers and treating her like a child.

Rose later goes to Alma, explaining that she is afraid of losing her mother, causing her to do what she can to prevent Alma's inevitable death. Alma comforts her daughter, telling her not to focus on the fact that she will die but on that she is still alive. As for Blanche's great springtime romance, she is devastated to learn that Blanche reminds Dirk of his mother. In the end, Blanche sees that though she may be old in years, she still has a lot of life. 

We learn a few things about our group from Blanche and the Younger Man. Dorothy comments that Alma is the same age as Sophia, making her 80 and being born in 1905. We learn that Rose's maiden name is Lindstrom, that she comes from a farming family and that she has a brother who lives in Houston. If we go by what could be Rose's age of 51 from Rose the Prude, which would make her birthyear 1934, Alma would have been 29 years old when Rose was born. It is not known what the birth order is among the Lindstrom children. We can also draw that the unnamed brother in Houston is one of the six Lindstrom brothers mention in The Competition. 

There is only one section usually cut from rebroadcasts. It is a continuation of Blanche's description of her potential love affair with Dirk, along with a story where she claims to have been wooed by Andy Griffith. 

I think Blanche and the Younger Man is a bad title, especially because the episode does not revolve around Blanche and her potential boy-toy. Most of the episode, and the more interesting part of the episode, is in the relationship between Rose and Alma. I think a better title would have been Mothers and Lovers. It would have described both relationships: the conflict between Rose and Alma as well as Blanche being a substitute for Dirk's mother.

For the life of me, I cannot understand why the "A" plot of Blanche and her pretty psychotic efforts at being Dirk's lover was considered better than the "B" plot of Rose and Alma. The themes of parents eventually dying are well touched on. We also get a fascinating story from Alma about her time with Ben, a younger man whom she hired as a farmhand after Rose's father died. Their relationship went from employer and employee to lovers, but once the affair ended, both accepted it.

The Alma and Ben love affair, brief as it was, would make for an interesting television movie. It also showed that residents of Rose's hometown were not the blithering idiots they would eventually become. Certainly, the Alma and Rose story, along with the Alma and Ben story, proved more interesting than Blanche and Dirk's story. It is almost sad seeing Blanche, with garish makeup, attempting to be young. 

The "B" plot of Rose and Alma is better and more interesting than the "A" plot of Blanche and the Younger Man. It is a credit to the show that Dorothy and Sophia are not out of things, especially Sophia who becomes Alma's de facto bestie. If not for Nolan and White, Blanche and the Younger Man would have been dreadful.

I do wonder though if Coco would have had designs on Dirk. 

6/10

Next Episode: Heart Attack

The Golden Girls: The Break-In

 

THE GOLDEN GIRLS: THE BREAK-IN

Written by: Susan Harris

Directed by: Paul Bogart

Airdate: November 9, 1985

The Break-In, the eighth Golden Girls episode, is not a "very special episode", though in tackling one of the character's mental and emotional health it came close. A strong performance with some funny lines elevates The Break-In to a good episode. 

After coming back from a Madonna concert, homeowner Blanche Deveraux (Rue McClanahan) along with her housemates Rose Nylund (Betty White), Dorothy Zbornak (Bea Arthur) and Sophia Petrillo (Estelle Getty) find that the house has been robbed. Dorothy finds that her mink stole was stolen, while Blanche finds her mother's jewels are missing.

Most affected is Rose. She has led a pretty sedate life up to now, and the robbery has traumatized her. She has become more fearful, with her buying mace that led to Blanche macing herself by mistake. Rose's paranoia culminated in her purchase of a handgun despite not knowing how to use it. Eventually, her fear and paranoia lead her to fire the gun when she thinks someone is breaking in. Fortunately, she misses killing Blanche's latest beau Lester (Robert Rothwell), who had accidentally set off the alarm. Dorothy counsels Rose, telling her that her fears are crippling her. Rose responds that in her mind, the robbers are still here. 

Rose finds herself alone in a parking garage when a man starts following then chasing her. In the end, Rose found that she is not helpless, the robbers were found, Dorothy's stole is returned, and Blanche finds her jewels which she had forgotten she had put in the freezer. 

The Break-In has one unique trait in that it is one of the few if only episodes to have location footage. Normally, everything takes place either at the house or a location that is clearly a set. Here however, the garage scene was filmed at an actual garage. It would have to, as it would be too hard to make a multistory parking garage believable on a set.

There is not much learned with regards to the characters in The Break-In. What is learned is really awful apart from a mention that Rose has gone to Hawaii and her father was a dairy farmer. In Rose the Prude, Dorothy refers to Rose's late husband as "Charles". In The Break-In, Rose calls him "Charles", which is a break from her usual "Charlie". We also hear Rose talk about "Little Falls", which presumably is her hometown. "Little Falls" makes its debut and farewell here, as I do not think it is ever mentioned again.

I suspect that The Break-In was early on in production, which would explain Rose coming from "Little Falls" where she was married to "Charles". There is a strange formality to "Charles" and "Little Falls" just sounds odd. Those two elements would, fortunately change, but they still ring poorly.

Worse, at least for me, is Rose's monologue about how she wonders if jewelry comes from Jewish people. She mentions that in "Little Falls" the jeweler was Jewish. "Jeweler, Jewish, I wonder if there is a connection," Rose concludes before Sophia tells her that she wonders if there is a connection between Rose's brain and wallpaper paste. I cannot say that this bizarre connection between jeweler and Jewish is anti-Semitic, but it has never sat well with me.

Surprisingly, this section is not cut from rebroadcasts. What is usually trimmed is an extended section where the women discuss the robbery and what to blame it on. Blanche blames karma while Dorothy blames "massive unemployment" for the robbery. This is, I figure, writer Susan Harris' worldview that crime is a result of poverty. People, in this worldview, are forced to commit crimes to eat, the idea that people steal only because they have no other option.

Personally, I think this is far too simplistic an answer, and unproven in The Break-In. The notion that no one wants to commit crimes or wants to steal unless necessity forces them to is wrong. Such ideas like those from Dorothy/Harris never account for a sad human trait: greed. It is not poverty or unemployment, massive or otherwise, that drives crime. There are probably people who do steal to keep body and soul together. However, I would imagine they would steal food, not minks. Even if they stole minks, these thieves would have to find fences to hock them to. 

I am glad that this part is cut, though I wish the "Jewish Jeweler from Little Falls" would be too.

It is interesting that Dorothy is far harsher on The Salesman (Christian Clemenson) trying to scare them into buying an expensive security system than she is on those who created the situation where such a system was thought necessary. She will excuse the robbers who have traumatized her friend, but not the guy who is trying to upsell them what could ease Rose's mind somewhat. 

 It is curious in that I seem to be coming down hard on The Break-In when it has a lot of good elements. At the heart of it is White's performance. She keeps to Rose's naïve, sweet nature confronting a very traumatizing experience. We see her sense of safety and security shattered until she ends up rallying to her own defense. White and Arthur have a great moment when the latter is attempting to comfort the former.

Getty gets to rattle off some great zingers. Observing Rose's fear, she tells her, "You've got nothing to fear but fear itself...and of course, the Boogeyman", which has the intended effect of frightening Rose. After Rose goes in guns blasting, Sophia remarks how she's managed to live 80-81 years and undergone health issues but that one night she'll belch and "Stable Mable" will blow her head off. Her final scene with Dorothy as she attempts to use the word "disdam" is daring, outrageous and very funny.

The running gag about Blanche's Chinese vase seemed exaggerated and not worth the trouble. 

In retrospect, I might have The Break-In higher than I should. There is a lot I ended up disliking. However, thanks to some of the lines and specifically Betty White's performance, The Break-In ends up being better than I remember.

It would have been nice here to have had Coco slap some sense into Rose. 

7/10

Next Episode: Blanche and the Younger Man

The Golden Girls: The Competition

THE GOLDEN GIRLS: THE COMPETITION

Written by: Barry Fanaro and Mort Nathan

Directed by: Jim Drake

Airdate: November 2, 1985

One never forgets their first love, or whatever first love the script presents you. The Competition introduces a character's characteristic that will be seen in the future. It will also, just seven episodes in, make any kind of continuity almost damn near impossible to maintain. 

Sophia Petrillo (Estelle Getty) is delighted due to recent news. Coming to Miami is Augustine Bagatelli (Ralph Manza), her ex-fiancée whom the war separated. At first Sophia's daughter Dorothy Zbornak (Bea Arthur) is happy to see her mother reunited with a lost love. Her joy turns sour when Sophia tells her that she plans to go back to Sicily on a nostalgic return to the San Genero Festival where Sophia and Augustine met 65 years earlier. Dorothy refuses to let her go, let alone give her $1200 for the airfare.

This is where Rose Nylund (Betty White) can help. Rose and Blanche Devereaux (Rue McClanahan) enter a bowling tournament every year. While Blanche enjoys the social aspects of the tournament, Rose is an almost unhinged competitor, fierce and almost dangerous to play against. Determined to win, she dumps Blanche to get Dorothy to be her partner. Rose's competitive streak leads her to secretly dump Dorothy when she learns a better bowler broke up with her twin sister. However, when the sisters reconcile, Dorothy dumps Rose in disgust and joins Blanche. Determined to show that she is not a feeble old woman, Sophia joins Rose. 

The bet is on between Sophia and Dorothy: if Sophia wins, she gets the money, if she loses, Dorothy gets a pair of antique earrings. Who will win The Competition?

We learn new information about Sophia, Dorothy and Rose from The Competition. We learn that Sophia has been a widow for twenty-two years. That puts her still-unnamed husband's death in 1963. Dorothy says she is 55 years old, and that Rose has six brothers. Dorothy therefore would have been born in 1930 (Bea Arthur was born in 1922). That gives us a surprising, almost scandalous situation. In The Engagement Dorothy stated that Stan was 65 years old. That gives them a ten-year age gap. As Stan would have been 25 years old when they got married, that would mean Stan knocked up Dorothy when she was 15 years old. 

Sophia mentions that "The War" separated her and Augustine. World War I was fought between 1914 and 1918; if we go by Sophia's stated age of 80 from Rose the Prude, she would have been between 9 and 13 at the time of the First World War. It looks like the Petrillo women get engaged or married very early. It is also hard to think that Sophia meant World War II. She would have already been living in America at the time, especially since Dorothy and her younger brother Phil would have been born in New York. Add to that how Sophia and Augustine met at the San Genero Festival 65 years ago. That would have been in 1920, two years after World War I and nineteen years before World War II. 

Sophia would have been 15 years old when she and Augustine first met if we use 1905 as her birth year. While that aspect of her story makes sense, nothing else in Sophia's reminiscences does. 

A mere seven episodes into The Golden Girls' first season and now everything is an absolute jumble. Things are going to get hopelessly muddled as the years go by.

There are two sections cut or edited down from rebroadcasts. The first is extended dialogue between Dorothy and Blanche about sneaking in extra bowling practice to beat Sophia and Rose. The second is dialogue at the bowling tournament where they discuss a Viking funeral and how three of them are wearing the same blouse. Finally, this is the first episode to not open with music written for the show. Instead, we hear Sophia humming Musetta's Waltz from La Boheme. Given that Sophia is proudly Italian/Sicilian, she would enjoy opera.

The Competition balances sweetness and comic malevolence well. It is hard not to root for Sophia and Augustine, this adorable old couple reuniting after decades apart. The interaction between Getty and Manza is charming and sweet, selling the idea that these were two old loves reuniting, with fond memories but no desire to reestablish their long-lost romance. 

Each actress gave excellent performances. There was no one that towered over the other here. White was fun and outrageous as the hypercompetitive Rose. Getty was delightful as the happy Sophia and equally strong fighting for what she wanted. McClanahan's Blanche was a delight when she has to face her fear at having the tournament rest on her shoulders or anger remembering how she was dumped. Arthur was excellent in her sarcasm but also moving when she does the right thing by her mother.

What does put The Competition above other episodes so far is how we get a more well-rounded character in Rose. So far, she has been the sweet, naive farmer's daughter. Now we get to see a darker side: the aggressive sports competitor who will stop at nothing to win. She'll betray friends, push others aside and openly mock them for losing. 

I like that The Golden Girls opted to give Rose this flaw. More credit in that it is used for comic effect. At heart, Rose is a generally nice, caring person. However, as she says, she needs to win. The Competition ends quite well. Dorothy and Blanche, understandably, have frozen Rose out due to her outrageous and unsportsmanlike behavior at having won. Rose accepts that she is wrong, apologizes and makes what seems a noble gesture of including all their names on the championship trophy. 

While we don't get to see it, Rose still made her name three times larger than the others. As she put it, it's because she is the one that actually won. This is a nice way to punctuate The Competition, an episode that was funny and touching.

I wonder, though, if Coco would have been Team Dorothy or Team Sophia.

7/10

Next Episode: The Break-In