Thursday, June 12, 2014

A Special Place in Hell Volume I: 1914-2008

I will bring the Apocalypse
when Robert Pattinson or Channing Tatum
wins the Oscar
over Joseph Gordon-Levitt or James McAvoy!

Now, we close out our Review Retrospective with the bottom of the bottom, those simply dreadful films from yesteryear that I found hideous, evil, I daresay...Satanic.

How to account for these simply horrible, horrible films?  Is there a common denominator to all these films where we can see where it all went wrong?  As I look over the thirteen films that were bombs (financial and critical) before I opened Rick's Café, I think what they all have in common is a failure to communicate. 

They tried to be big, they tried to be fun, they tried to be clever, and all failed because they were simply trying too hard.  In their efforts to be 'epic', to be something far larger than what they actually were, they only ended up looking foolish, pretentious, full of themselves, and insulted the audience in their efforts. 

I found nothing redeeming or good in these films, though in fairness at least for one of them, I do have a soft place in my heart because a.) it was made in my hometown of El Paso, TX, and b.) they at least were not professional filmmakers.  What is sad is that none of these films really had to fail if they'd only scaled down their ambitions.  If they had not decided they were going to be more clever than their audiences, these films might have succeeded.

However, they stand today, not as "Academy Award-winning films" (a term that is losing its impact as time and the Tuesdays With Oscar retrospective keep rolling) but as monuments to the hubris of those in front and behind the camera.

All the King's Men (2006)

Australia (2008)

The Avengers (1998)

Elizabethtown (2005)

Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)

Planet of the Apes (2001)

Sleuth (2007)

Spider-Man 3 (2007)

Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979)

Star Trek: Generations (1994)

Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987)

Superman Returns (2006)

Twilight (2008)
The Horror...The Horror...

Next time, the Worst Movies Seen Between 2008 and 2014, a sad and sorry collection.

Too low?   Too high?  Let me know and I'll take a 'Second Look' (though I'd be fascinated to see how anyone could justify any of these films being good...unless they are 'so bad they're good').

1 comment:

  1. While I hate Spider-Man 3 for being one of the most disappointing sequels ever, I think it is more of a D+, but the movie is definitely not worth a second viewing.

    Superman Returns was terrible!!!! I hated that movie! It was so boring. Bryan Singer screwed two movies when he left the X-Men franchise.

    Thankfully, I have managed to avoid watching Twilight, and, if I can help it, I will hopefully never watch it.



Views are always welcome, but I would ask that no vulgarity be used. Any posts that contain foul language or are bigoted in any way will not be posted.
Thank you.