Friday, June 13, 2014

A Special Place in Hell Volume II: 2009-2014

I give you 2045's
Kennedy Center Honorees:
Rebecca Black
Dane Cook
Taylor Lautner
Lindsay Lohan
Jaden Smith
Channing Tatum

And now, the end IS near...the listing of the Worst Movies I have seen since I began writing about films.

I found 60 films to which I could only look back in wonder and wonder, "Why did they make this?"  Well, technically 59, but I threw one more in that I haven't reviewed yet, just to have an even 60. 

With all these films, is there a common denominator too?  Well, I think the big one is the story.  These movies don't have one.  Even those that were adapted from novels didn't have a story or plot that made sense to begin with.  In a few of them, I found at least one good thing (perhaps a very committed performance amid all the stupidity of it all), but sometimes even a good performance isn't enough to save the film.  On the whole though, these films are filled with bad performances, bad scripts, bad directing, and are just plain bad.

This sorry collection of wastes of celluloid will stand as testimony to hubris, to bad planning, to catering to the lowest tastes, to attempting to be more than what they are, and finally, to some simply appalling ideas that would never have worked no matter who was in front or behind the camera. 

Oddly, I noticed Stephanie Meyer wrote a good number of them.  I also noticed Taylor Lautner was in a few of these.  Coincidence...or Works of the Devil?

Too Low?  Too High (if that's possible)?  Let me know and I'll take a Second Look.


A Bonus Round...Films So Awful I actually gave them an F-. 

I Give You...Future Turner Classic Movies Stars of the Month:

Where'd I leave my Tony
for Death of a Salesman?

"To be or not to be"?
Who wrote THIS crap?
When does Ham-whatever
take his clothes off?

I Pout, Therefore
I Am.

I'm this generation's
Shirley Temple!

What do you mean
'talent skips a generation'?

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