Venom: The Last Dance. A Review (Review #1889)

VENOM: THE LAST DANCE

I have not been a fan of the previous Venom films, though in retrospect, I think Venom: Let There Be Carnage is mildly passable junk entertainment. Not so Venom: The Last Dance, a nonsensical, chaotic piece of garbage that is so awful it manages to dislodge Argylle as the Worst Movie of 2024 (so far). 

Eddie Brock (Tom Hardy) and his symbiote Venom continue hiding out in Mexico, hoping to clear their names for a killing from the last movie. However, the shadowy villain eventually revealed as Knull (Andy Serkis), who has been forced into a space prison, finds that Venom contains the Codex, the MacGuffin that will free him. With that, Knull sends his creatures to find Venom.

Also looking for our odd couple is General Strickland (Chiwetel Ejiofor), who wants to capture another symbiote whom he considers menaces to humanity. Not with him on that idea are Doctors Teddy Payne (Juno Temple) and Sadie Christmas (Clark Backo), who are determined to investigate what the symbiotes are and what if anything they can do for humanity.

Eddie manages to get into the United States despite both the military and Knull's crickets after him. He bonds with a group of alien enthusiasts determine to get to Area 51 before it is officially decommissioned. They take him to Las Vegas where Eddie gets into the luxurious Paris Casino, loses what little money he has, and dances with a clearly happy Mrs. Chen (Peggy Lu), with whom Venom dances with to Dancing Queen.

Captured, Eddie/Venom are in great danger. Martin (Rhys Ifans), the alien enthusiast, is also in family as are his wife and kids when they sneak into Area 51 before the climatic confrontation, where the escaping symbiotes by accident or design bond with hosts to fight off the growing army of Knull's crickets. Who will live and who will die in this battle royale to save or conquer Earth?

Twenty minutes into Venom: The Last Dance, I pretty much checked out because I simply did not care. There was nothing in The Last Dance that was interesting, not to mention cohesive. I will walk that back a bit, for there was one interesting thing in The Last Dance. That was seeing Tom Hardy evolve into Nick Nolte in voice and in looks. I am often told that Tom Hardy is a serious actor devoted to his craft. That can be the case, as The Bikeriders has shown. However, it is hard to think of Hardy in such lofty terms when he not only appears in junk like The Last Dance but has a story credit with its writer/director, Kelly Marcel.

The Last Dance is rushed to where it is incoherent. I figure that for those well-versed in Venom lore, everything was clear. I however, simply had no idea who the shadowy villain was and by the end, he proved to be nothing that I wondered why we needed him in there. Well, perhaps to set up more films. I would like those who know the name of every symbiote in The Last Dance to explain why we needed a running gag of Eddie constantly losing whatever shoes he had. I cannot explain why anyone thought that was funny.

There was a lot that The Last Dance thought was funny, such as when Eddie/Venom go into the Paris Casino, dance with Mrs. Chen (an entirely pointless section) or Ifans' hippie-drippy alien enthusiast. We could not have original characters with Martin's family: you had the equally addled supportive wife, the sullen and bored teenage girl, and the more enthusiastic but sweet younger brother. I figure they have names, but The Last Dance cares so little for them that I don't think we got them. I found the lot so boring and useless that when they faced mortal danger, I actually wished the guard tower would fall. 

I was amused by Backo's Sadie Christmas only because I asked if her name was some kind of odd homage to Denise Richards' Dr. Christmas Jones from The World is Not Enough. I spent much time wondering why her name was Christmas, which is a sign of how bored I was at The Last Dance. 

As a side note, I did wonder why Mrs. Chen and Venom opted to dance to Abba's Dancing Queen and not Donna Summer's Last Dance. 

There are no performances here. Hardy, continuing some oddball voice, struggles to be funny or menacing. Ejiofor does nothing but look stern, but given the circumstances I can give him credit for not consistently laughing at what he had to do. I'm sure that I have seen Juno Temple in something, but she had no real character to play. Lu is the only one who is clearly having a ball, fully aware that this is nothing but just so glad as to be getting paid for all this.

Perhaps that is harsh on Ifans, who is also aware that The Last Dance is not worth anything other than I hope a good paycheck.

If anything, Venom: The Last Dance makes an effort to get us to feel sad when Venom sacrifices himself. The film pumps out music to try and have us sob both in Dan Deacon's score and the use of Maroon 5's Memories. I did not feel sadness, only a mix of irritation and chuckles. 

I held out as long as I could. I fought off strong contenders like Deadpool & Wolverine and A Family Affair and Joker: Folie a Deux and The Crow. However, I have to finally throw in the towel. Venom: The Last Dance is worse than Argylle. 

DECISION: F