Relay: A Review

 

RELAY

I have used the relay service to communicate with the deaf when I worked, many painful years ago, at a probation/parole violators' center. It was not a fun experience and consider it among the three worst years of my life. I would not go as far as saying that Relay was worse than working at that center. I will say that Relay is built on a lot of implausible moments and some awful performances that make it a slog to sit through. 

Mysterious operative Ash (Riz Ahmed) is a go-between for corporate or government whistleblowers who wish to return incriminating documents to their former employers. Ash ensures that his clients are protected both physically and financially. He informs the most recent corporation that his client is returning the material; however, Ash will keep a copy at a secure location. This information will leak out only if his client meets with an unfortunate accident. All the companies have agreed to this, so Ash has a solid track record.

Apart from that, Ash leads a very solitary life. His life is all work with no current vices. Ash's former vice is one we learn about as Relay continues. His newest client is Sarah (Lily James). She has damning information about genetically modified wheat. Feeling the pressure from the corporation, Sarah has been put in contact with Ash. Ash is extremely careful in not leaving any fingerprints metaphorically or literally. He never meets with the clients. He never is photographed. His only communication is via a relay system which is used for the deaf. These calls have the added benefit of never being recorded for legal reasons.

Sarah is facing off against Dawson (Sam Worthington), the corporation's muscle. Dawson and his team now play a cat-and-mouse game against Sarah and Ash. Each is determined to outwit the other and avoid capture. Things take an unexpected turn when Ash ends up falling in love with Sarah and when Sarah neglects to turn over every document. She claims that the few pages that she did not submit were innocuous. Ash realizes that it actually means that they did not complete their side of the bargain. As such, Dawson is perfectly right to pursue them with vengeance. 

Ash, we learn, is an alcoholic. He was a formerly successful Wall Street wunderkind. However, the mix of corporate greed and the pressures a Muslim in post 9/11 America push him to the bottle. He at least has a sponsor, New York City Detective Wash (Eisa Davis). Things come to a head when Ash learns that Sarah will be murdered to keep her silent. Ash now must rescue her at a classical music concert. However, we get one "shocking" twist that puts Ash's life in danger. Will Ash survive this double cross?

Oh, for that "shocking" twist. That "shocking" twist that was both expected and wildly implausible. Perhaps I am being a bit unfair about Relay having a wildly implausible twist. I do not know if Justin Piasecki's screenplay had that twist be totally implausible. I just thought that for it to work, a lot of things had to happen exactly as Relay had them happen.

What guarantee was there that Ash would have that kind of connection with Sarah? What guarantee was there that Ash would care about her ultimate fate? What guarantee was there that he would not get caught? I am never big on films where situations occur exactly in such a way as to have things go the way they did. It just does not feel natural. It feels forced and calculated. 

Relay is curious in that for the longest time I thought Ash was literally mute. It takes a long, long time for Riz Ahmed to speak. Even after we see that he does have the ability to speak, he does not say much that is interesting. It almost made one initially wonder two things. First, it made one wonder if Ash genuinely needed the TDD (Telecommunication Device for the Deaf) versus using it to cover his tracks. Second, it made me wonder if he was using Relay to keep his sign language skills fresh after making Sound of Metal. 

I get that Ash was meant to be a morose figure, alone and lonely, locked away from the world. I did not expect him though to be so boring. Ahmed can act. He just did not do so in Relay. He got some moments to have monologues, such as when he talks to his AA group about how he fell to drink. Even here though, I felt no emotion other than a desire to nod off.

The advertising touts him as "Academy Award winner Riz Ahmed". That is true. He won for co-directing that year's Best Live-Action Short Film. I take the opportunity to repeat that said short film, The Long Goodbye, is total garbage. It is a rap music video that is about how racist white people are. Riz Ahmed won an Oscar for rapping on camera.

The Long Goodbye awful as it is, at least has one thing going for it. It does not have Sam Worthington in it. Sam Worthington is cinematic plank wood. He cannot act. He simply cannot act. The determined efforts to make Sam Worthington into a star continue to collide with reality. Yes, he lucked out by being in the Avatar franchise. However, do people really go to an Avatar film to see the CGI version of Sam Worthington? 

To be fair to director David Mackenzie, no one has managed to get Sam Worthington to actually act. As such, he cannot be blamed for Worthington's inability to play a character. 

Lily James, I think, did do better as Sarah. She did initially convince the viewer that she was something of a damsel in distress. Her twist is not convincing. However, she gave it a good try.

Relay, if not for the "shocking twist", might have been passable fare. It is not great, but it was not terrible. At least until it decided to become more routine in its tale. As I watched, I thought it might have been better to have called it End of Message (how all the TDD calls ended). Relay is a good film to have playing in the background while you are doing something else. 

DECISION: C-

Ring of Fire: The Television Movie

RING OF FIRE

Perhaps Ring of Fire was doomed before it started. The television biopic of June Carter Cash premiered in 2013, eight years after Reese Witherspoon won the Best Actress Academy Award for playing June Carter Cash in Walk the Line. As such, there was always the risk that Ring of Fire was essentially playing as an also-ran against Walk the Line. For better or worse, Ring of Fire will always be in the shadow of Walk the Line. That is a bit of a shame, as Ring of Fire is not a bad production. 

June Carter is part of the Carter Family, one of the most preeminent families in country music. Mother Maybelle Carter (Francis Conroy) is particularly annoyed whenever their music is referred to as "hillbilly". June Carter for her part feels that she cannot measure up to her legendary family. She sings but has little confidence that she is good. She feels her forte is in cornpone comedy, blending her musicianship with jokes.

Eventually, June Carter (Jewel) strikes out separate from the Carter Family. Her star does rise at places like the Grand Old Opry. She also meets Carl Smith (Linds Edwards), a fellow Grand Old Opry performer. Catnip to the women, Smith finds that June Carter is the one for him. They marry but he is a poor fit for the more traditional and respectful Carter clan. 

Less of a fit is the highly talented country newcomer, Johnny Cash (Matt Ross). He is married himself, but he tells June that one day he will marry her. June is faithful to her marriage vows, but Carl is not. She is equally loyal to stockcar driver Rip Nix (Alan Heckner) though they eventually grow apart. Johnny is talented but troubled. June, who routinely tours with him as a "special guest" tries to help him despite his self-destructive ways. She is also unafraid of him, able to stand toe-to-toe with the Man in Black.

Eventually they do marry and have one son, John Carter Cash (Austin Stack). Johnny, however, cannot fully mend his ways. June does all that she can, but even she has her breaking point. In time, June Carter Cash and her husband come to peace through love and music. Only death can separate them.

Ring of Fire is meant to be June Carter Cash's story. I think on the whole it was a strong primer on the Country Music Hall of Fame inductee. A successful biopic does not require for someone to look exactly like their subject. Jewel does not exactly look like June Carter Cash, at least initially. However, as Ring of Fire continued, she began to look more like the older June. 

I do not think people often think of Jewel as an actress. She is still remembered primarily for being a folk-like singer. I think that Jewel acquitted herself quite well as June Carter Cash. She has a solid moment when in a forced therapy session, she talks about the frustration that she feels. June has just seen Johnny yucking it up with fellow addicts. June feels that she has had no opportunity to enjoy her life, having cared for Johnny all those years. Now, here he was having the joy that she had not. Worse, he was not sharing that joy with her, but with strangers. Jewel was pretty solid as Carter Cash. She was funny in her comedy delivery and handled the drama well.

Matt Ross was placed in a pretty difficult situation. He already had a daunting task falling under Joaquin Phoenix's Oscar-nominated turn as Cash in Walk the Line. He was also having to fall under the shadow of Johnny Cash himself. I do not think many people would have thought Ross was Johnny Cash. It was not a terrible job acting-wise. He had some good moments, such as his efforts to go cold turkey on his prescription addiction. He was hampered by not looking or particularly sounding like Johnny Cash. However, I think he got close to how Cash was, so it was not all for naught.

Francis Conroy was stronger as Mother Maybelle Carter. She was firm but in a gentle way. Mother Maybelle told the girls early on that she realized that they were missing out on a lot of things their peers did. However, she reminded them of two things. One, this was work. Two, that many people had paid to see them. This was not something to dismiss but to appreciate. 

Ring of Fire does not go very deep into some of the June and Johnny Cash story. Poor Rip comes and goes rather fast. The actual writing of Ring of Fire was given a very cursory scene. I never got what exactly inspired her to write this ode to dangerous love. However, Ring of Fire has other positives. Seeing Johnny and June perform together, especially whenever Johnny is falling apart on stage, makes for interesting viewing. 

Ring of Fire is entertaining if not particularly great. Jewel gives a good, solid performance. That, along with a respectful if perhaps thin overview of June Carter Cash's life and career makes Ring of Fire worth seeing if you come across it.

1929-2003

5/10

With Love, Meghan Episode Six: The Juice is Worth the Squeeze

 

WITH LOVE, MEGHAN: THE JUICE IS WORTH THE SQUEEZE

Original Airdate: March 4, 2025

Special Guests: Ramon Velazquez, Tracy Robbins, Victoria Jackson and Jennifer Rudolph Walsh

Mentions of Joy: 0

Passive-Aggressive Moments: 2

Gushing Praise for Markle: "It could be the busiest day of the year, and Meg's like worried about every single person's preferences, their dietary needs".

For the second time on With Love, Meghan, there was no mention of joy to be heard. Curiously, both times there has been no "joy" is when her gal pals have come over. The Juice is Worth the Squeeze, our sixth With Love, Meghan episode makes up for this lack of joy and edible flower sprinkles with a lot of elevation and seeing the Duchess of Sussex getting her hands basically slapped down.

It's Taco Tuesday and American mahjongg over at Meghan Sussex's rented home/studio. The Duchess has invited her regular group of mahjongg players/friends to come over and have some chat, some laughs and a nice taco bar. She is also having Chef Ramon come over to help her prepare all the delicious, delightful food.

We learn How to Dehydrate Citrus, as we may not want to use all the citrus right away.

Chef and restauranteur Ramon Velazquez dominates the Duchess when it comes to preparing meals. He is pleasant but has zero patience with any silliness or errors in preparation. As Meghan Markle starts tearing apart a chicken breast with her hands, Chef Ramon quickly but politely corrects her. "I usually grab two forks, so one fork holds it and the other fork kinda pulls it," he tells her as he gives her another one to use in place of her hand. All Meghan can say is "Oh, great", slightly startled at Chef Ramon's actions.

Wrong Victoria Jackson!

Once this Mexican shows the Duchess up in her kitchen and demonstrates that he knows what he is doing, we get our trio of mahjongg players. We first have "founder and friend" Tracy Robbins. Shortly after, we see "businesswoman, philanthropist and friend" Victoria Jackson and "entrepreneur and friend" Jennifer Rudolph Walsh. They were different than when other friends dropped by. I do not remember them having to actually make any of the food. I think that they also kept their shoes on. Now, it's on to the backyard, where the New Joy Luck Club can talk about how much fun they have had and how close they are to each other. 

"That sense of community, that's what I love about cooking", the Duchess tells Chef Ramon. She may love that sense of community, but she was clearly not loving Chef Ramon. My impression of Chef Ramon Velazquez is that he was there to cook, not chat. He also was not about to have amateurs, no matter who they were, do things incorrectly. When he, again politely but firmly, corrected Meghan and gave her a second fork to pull the chicken breast apart right, Markle looked almost stunned. My sense is that after hearing nothing but praise for her culinary acumen, she was taken aback and off-guard at someone else so much as suggesting to her that she was wrong. 

Whatever Markle's intentions, her interaction with Velazquez comes across as rather cross to hostile. Perhaps other interactions between herself and With Love, Meghan guests have been misinterpreted. In The Juice is Worth the Squeeze though, her actions, behavior and words towards Velazquez are pretty obvious. She is all but seething with rage at someone showing her up.

Chef Ramon is a thorough professional. He is putting in his effort to make the food correctly. As such, he is not having cheerful conversations as she did with Roy Choi. He clearly loves cooking and takes it seriously. He is by no means unpleasant or condescending towards Markle. He just knows he is a skilled chef and she is not. Velazquez treats Markle as his student and an assistant. He does not treat her as his equal, let alone his superior.

After he stops her from using her bejeweled hand to pull the meat off the chicken breast, we have a couple of very curious exchanges between them. "So, while you're doing that (pulling the aforementioned chicken breasts apart), I'm gonna chop couple of chipotles". After hearing that, Markle replies, "This is how I know you're a seasoned chef: because you're like 'While you do that, I'm just gonna chop a chili'".

I literally, and I do mean literally, cringed at that moment. She attempted to make it a humorous quip. Her body language and vocal tone, however, told me that she was livid but could not openly demonstrate it. That, to my mind, was totally unprofessional on her part. Chef Ramon Velazquez was there to work. He is a professional chef with I presume years of experience. He should not be there as Markle's assistant, let alone lackey. There was something dismissive in her quip. Dismissive, with a tinge of hostility, even anger.

She was doing something wrong. As a professional who was there, in part, to instruct, Chef Ramon did what to Markle seems to be an unspeakable act: treat her as a person, not an exalted figure. I for the life of me do not understand why Markle opted to essentially talk back to Velazquez. Her "I'm just gonna chop a chili" quip was not funny. It seemed very dismissive, very hostile. It came across almost as a way to put him down, diminish him. 

Fortunately for Velazquez, he seemed not to take note of her questionably humorous comment. Later during the cooking segment, he places items into a blender. He then puts the lid on the blender firmly but not aggressively, using his fists to top it off twice. "What did that blender ever do to you?", Markle quips in another apparently jokey manner. Velazquez replies nonchalantly, somewhat dismissively, "I don't know". 

The thing that makes this segment in The Juice is Worth the Squeeze fascinating to watch is in seeing how Velazquez refuses to play along with her efforts at being charming. He is pleasant and professional with Meghan Sussex. What he is not is jokey, chatty or awestruck by her. Velazquez is not mean or condescending towards her in any way. He is friendly, but he also does not praise her. He is not there to talk about his past or fantasize about opening up food trucks with her. He is there to demonstrate his skills and prepare food. He is also there to instruct Meghan Markle, not take instruction from her. Roy Choi, the only other professional chef so far on With Love, Meghan, complemented her. Ramon Velazques, on the other hand, did not complement her once, at least in my memory of it. 

As a side note, my notetaking was so fast that they read, "that's what I love about cocking" rather than "cooking". Make of that what you will.

I think Meghan Markle embarrassed herself in front of Ramon Velazquez. She could have said, "Oh, I'm sorry" or "Thank you" for him showing her how to do something right. Instead, she opted to make comments about how he essentially was giving himself easy things to do while she had to do all the hard work. That comment about "this is how I know you're a seasoned chef" came across as very arrogant and petty. That might not have been the intended aim. That was just the end result.

Surprisingly, it took almost twenty minutes for her three girlfriends to show up. Perhaps that is why Meghan did not put them to work: it would have required more time and each With Love, Meghan episode is only about 30 minutes give or take. I think we do get a bit of a quick information dump about what mahjongg is and we do see them play some. However, they do look like four random strangers gathered together. Far be it for Meghan Markle to tell us what Tracy Robbins is a founder of. Far be it for Meghan Markle to tells us how Victoria Jackson is a philanthropist. Far be it for Meghan Markle to tells us how Jennifer Rudolph Walsh is an entrepreneur. 

This is a common thread on With Love, Meghan. She gives us the titles that her guests have. She never asks or invites them to talk about exactly what they do. 

The Juice is Worth the Squeeze is boring when we finally have our gal pals break out the mahjongg. It is worth watching only for Ramon Velazquez: the man who dared tell Meghan Markle that she was doing something wrong. And lived to tell the tale.

4/10

Jurassic World Rebirth: A Review

JURASSIC WORLD REBIRTH

Rebirth seems apropos for the seventh film in the Jurassic Park/World series. Jurassic World Rebirth is working to start fresh. It has new characters. It has vaguely unfamiliar surroundings. It is also one of the worst movies of the year. 

Soldier of fortune Zora Bennett (Scarlett Johansson) has been hired by Martin Krebs (Rupert Friend) for a special ops mission. Krebs is an executive with the pharmaceutical company ParkerGenix and they need someone of skill and discretion. Zora is to penetrate the forbidden island of Ile Saint-Hubert, one of the last places to have dinosaurs. 

Also coming, more reluctantly, is scientist Dr. Henry Loomis (Jonathan Bailey). They need his expertise to retrieve blood samples from three living, massive dinosaurs. Mosasaurus is the seagoing creature. Titanosaurus is the land-based creature. Quetzalcoatlus is our avian creature. The blood from Animal, Vegetable and Mineral will be invaluable to find treatments, potentially cures, for human heart disease. Off the coast of Suriname, Krebs and Loomis join Zora's elite team. There is ship Captain Duncan Kincaid (Mahershala Ali). There is security/marksman Bobby Atwater (Ed Skrein). There are at least two other crewmen, but they aren't important.

At the same time that the special ops team is sailing towards Ile Saint-Hubert, the Delgado family is sailing in essentially forbidden waters. Patriarch Reuben (Manuel Garcia-Rulfo) is there with his daughters Teresa (Luna Blaise) and Isabella or Bella (Audriana Miranda). Also joining them is Teresa's boyfriend Xavier (David Iacono), whom Reuben does not like for his arrogance and laziness. They are attacked by the Mosasaurus and are barely clinging on to their yacht. Over Krebs' objections, the crew responds to the Mariposa's SOS. They are together briefly, for the Mosasaurus hunt causes chaos, death and Krebs letting Teresa fall overboard rather than send a second SOS.

Now, the two groups are separated on the mysterious island. The crew continues the hunt for the other two creatures. The Delgados keep pushing towards a village they were told about for a rescue. Eventually, after flipping back and forth between the crew and the Delgados, they reunite, only to face off against the greatest threat imaginable. Ile Saint-Hubert, seventeen years ago, was the secret lab of mad Jurassic Park scientists. Here, they created freakish dinosaurs in an effort to appeal to a new generation of customers. Who will live and who will die in their efforts to escape the island?

Jurassic Park Rebirth is a punishing two hours and four minutes not counting credits. I saw it at an early secret screening, but only now I am reviewing it. My cousins do not like it when I take notes in a theater. Having seen it again after so many months, I marvel at so much about Rebirth. Namely, I wonder how so many people could have participated and seen it and thought that it was any good.

I do not know if people have commented on how disjointed the whole thing is. After close to half an hour, we then get what I dubbed "the Latinos" (while they were the Delgados, I do not remember if the surname was ever used). Seven minutes of set-up (loving but disapproving father, pleasant but slightly rebellious older daughter, obnoxious boyfriend, adorable younger daughter) and the Mosasaurus attack and then we are back to the expedition.

At this point, Rebirth jumps from one group to another with sometimes unhinged abandon. Sometimes we would spend maybe a minute with one group before going back to the other. I started keeping track of the time between "Crew" and "Latinos". I was shocked that sometimes Rebirth would go from Latinos to Crew within a minute, spend four minutes with Crew, then go back to Latinos. The longest that I think Rebirth spent with Latinos was eleven minutes. This long section was for an action sequence that had me all but shout, "EAT BELLA!", before we went back to Crew. After Crew and Latinos get separated, it takes almost an hour for them to reunite.

Rebirth could have focused on the Latinos. Rebirth could have focused on Crew. Rebirth could not focus on both. We got either a wild ping-pong manner to things, or such long stretches from one story that when we jump back to the other, we had pretty much forgotten about them. 

I do not think that Rebirth cared about logic. Why were the Delgados in these dangerous waters? There is, to be fair, an effort to say why (Reuben said that millions of ships sail the waters). How exactly do dinosaur blood help research into heart disease? How are machines and vehicles operational seventeen years after Ile Saint-Hubert was abandoned in chaos and terror? The Quetzalcoatlus nests in what Zoe suggest is an ancient temple. Again, Dr. Loomis is not an archaeologist, so he wouldn't know anything about the who, what, when, why, where and how of this. 

I still marvel that a car which the villain uses to try to escape on turned on so easily with no issues. At the convenience store that still managed to turn its lights on seventeen years after being abandoned, all I could think was how all those chips and sodas probably would be well past their expiration dates. 

Rebirth gave the hopefully well-paid actors little to work with. Scarlett Johannson and Mahershala Ali attempted to use David Koepp's screenplay when Rebirth gave them a heart-to-heart about companions dead and gone. Try as both the film and the actors tried I could not care one bit. Their performances did not help sell the drama. 

That applies to Jonathan Bailey. When he comes upon the Titanosaurus couple in the act of lovemaking, he seems overawed by the sight. At one point, he looks on the verge of tears. I too was on the verge of tears. Tears of laughter. I guess he did as well as he could. He just couldn't convince me to care.

Same goes for the Delgados. Xavier is so unlikable that no one would believe that Teresa found him boyfriend material, at least without any sex involved. After Xavier risks his life to save her, Reuben compliments him. "You jumped in after her. Respect for that", Reuben tells Xavier. The latter pretty much chuckles and replies, "Whatever, guapo". Do not ask the audience to either care or take things seriously if your characters refuse to do either or both. 

If Koepp or director Gareth Roberts cared about Rebirth, they would have cut so much out. The film begins with a three-minute segment that takes place "Seventeen years ago" on Ile Saint-Hubert. Here, the chaos and slaughter the mutant dinosaurs unleashed was caused by, of all things, a Snickers wrapper. I not only did not care that Williams (Adam Loxley) not only got killed, but I also thought he deserved it. The entire attack on the Mariposa could have been cut. It would have worked better if the crew received the SOS call without us knowing who they were. There was also no reason to separate the groups.

I think that was done to provide what I figure Rebirth thought was a shocking twist from a villainous character. However, you would have to be a blithering idiot if you did not know who the evil villain would be. 

Rebirth has no acting in it. Johannson and Ali, as stated earlier, made something of an effort. However, one could tell that they were trying too hard. For a brief moment, people were trying to convince themselves that Jonathan Bailey was not only a movie star, but the first openly gay movie star. That title still remains open. No one went to Jurassic Park Rebirth because the guy from Wicked was in it. Rupert Friend devoured the scenery the way that the dinosaurs devoured the people. To be fair, I think Manuel Garcia-Rulfo did best as Reuben. He appeared the most realistic character and the one who mostly had sense. David Iacono was just there to be shown either shirtless or with an open shirt. He was terrible no matter what he tried.

All the performances pale to the absolutely ghastly visual effects. I do not know how in the thirty-two years since the first Jurassic Park, the franchise's visual effects look worse. You can virtually see the actors in front of a blue screen. The dinosaurs would not pass muster in a theme park ride. 

Jurassic Park Rebirth is terrible. I think, however, that both Gareth Roberts and David Koepp let their own feelings about both the film and the overall franchise slip through. Early in the film, we get deliberately overly dramatic music after Krebs tells Zoe, "He doesn't know it yet, but we're bringing a civilian". That moment is so cartoonishly over-the-top that you know Roberts and Koepp were playing it as parody. Yes, it's established that the music was part of an animated video at Loomis' exhibit, but it still looks silly. 

"It's dinosaurs. They may be through with us, but we're not through with them", Krebs says early in the film. That seems very apropos to how the filmmakers refuse to let them go extinct. Later, Jonathan Bailey's Dr. Loomis says, "Nobody cares about the animals anymore".

Famous last words.  

DECISION: F

JURASSIC PARK FILMS

Jurassic Park

The Lost World: Jurassic Park

Jurassic Part III

Jurassic World

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

Jurassic World Dominion

William & Kate: The Television Movie

WILLIAM & KATE

The romance of William and Catherine, the current Prince and Princess of Wales, can now be seen as a departure from that of William's younger brother, Prince Harry. While not without its ups and down, the courtship of Catherine Middleton by William Mountbatten-Windsor had less drama than that of Meghan Markle and Henry Mountbatten-Windsor (or Henry Sussex, if Meghan is to be believed). While Harry & Meghan have a trilogy of television films covering their courtship, marriage and flight from the Royal Family, poor Wills & Katie have a mere two films on the same subject: their courtship.  William & Kate is pleasant enough, not well acted but nothing as horrendous as anything in The Sussex Trilogy.

Young Prince William of Wales (Nico Evers-Swindell) is now off to university. His father, Prince Charles (Ben Cross) is today like any other father, worried that his son will find university life difficult. Charles is not the only one who notices the handsome young second in line to the British throne within their midst. Friends both male and female come to help Wills get his footing. Ian Musgrove (Jonathan Patrick Moore) offers to be his wingman. Posh student Margaret Hemmings-Wellington (Tribly Glover), who has run in royal circles, all but declares that she will be the next Mrs. William Wales.

One student who is not particularly impressed is Catherine Middleton (Camilla Luddington). William is not her type. She also has a boyfriend already, so why would she want any other man? As it turns out, William is assigned to Catherine's study group. She would prefer sending everyone emails rather than have individual telephone numbers. Wills wants to transfer universities, but Charles is adamant that he finishes what he started. It is Catherine who persuades William to merely change majors rather than universities. 

Inevitably, William starts developing feelings for Catherine. These feelings are both romantic and erotic, the latter after Catherine makes a splash at a fashion show. "SHE'S HOT!" Willis declares. Eventually, William and Kate move in together, with two other flat-mates. But what started out as friendship has grown stronger between William and Catherine, and they soon begin an affair. William also develops a bond with the middle-class Middletons, who are a solid family unit. What will it take for William and Kate to finally get together in marriage?

When William & Kate started, I saw that Charles Shaughnessy was in the cast. I became very alarmed. Mr. Sheffield had played Prince Charles in Harry & Meghan: Becoming Royal. I was terrified that he would play Prince Charles in William & Kate too. I would have to endure some kind of crazed shared universe between the Waleses and the Sussexes. It did not help that Shaughnessy was absolutely abysmal as Prince Charles. To be fair, he was given absolutely lousy material, but he was still bad.

Fortunately, Mr. Sheffield was not Prince Charles. He had what was essentially a cameo as William's flight instructor. The now-King Charles III was played by Ben Cross. I think that he was slightly embarrassed to be there. Cross did his best to get some of Charles' mannerisms, particularly the pulling on the cuffs. He also tried to match Charles' speaking voice. However, I think Cross was cross as Prince Charles. It was a paycheck, and a chance to play royal to American audiences. It was not a convincing performance.

It was infinitely much better than Justin Hanlon as Prince Harry. Poor Hanlon does not look anywhere close to Harry in this or any other alternate universe. Hanlon also did not sound anything like Harry. In perhaps a curious criticism, Justin Hanlon looked far too young to play Prince Harry. He looked like he was an overgrown twelve-year-old versus a twenty-seven-year-old man. In Hanlon's defense, his "Harry going through puberty" performance towers over the simply godawful Lifetime movies of the current Duke of Sussex in the Sussex Trilogy. He at least had a personality.

Less so were our leads. Neither Camilla Luddington nor Nico Evers-Swindell look or sound like Catherine or William. Evers-Swindell is pleasant but nondescript as Wills. He is pretty but there is nothing extraordinary in his performance. I think, however, that he played the part as written by Nancey Silvers and directed by Mark Rosman. Evers-Swindell's William was a bit shy, pleasant, eager but there was nothing special about William. 

I think William & Kate attempted some moments to humanize him. Of particular note is when he attempts to win her back by singing karaoke to her. It does make him look slightly goofy. However, it is not a dealbreaker. At times, though, he was bad. His efforts to argue with Catherine looked almost funny. It did not help that Evers-Swindell is quite hirsute. For a moment, what I thought were burn marks on his neck turned out to be excessive chest hair. 

For better or worse, Camilla Luddington matched Nico Evers-Swindell in the "pleasant but nondescript" department as Catherine. She did not make Catherine into either strong woman or the much-abused "Waitie Katie". To be fair, Luddington did have a few good moments such as when the paparazzi are besieging her. She also worked better when she was with her Middleton family. Luddington looked more relaxed and informal, as if she was with people. Her struggle to come across as human were not due to being in close proximity with royalty. She was a bit awkward with her supposed friends too.

In what I think is either stunt casting or a wild coincidence, Serena Scott Thomas plays Catherine's mother Carole Middleton. Thomas had played Diana, Princess of Wales in the television movie Diana: Her True Story in 1993. It is a very interesting twist that Serena Scott Thomas played the mother of the future King and future Queen of the United Kingdom. She was actually quite good in the role, as was Christopher Cousins as Mike Middleton, Catherine's father. They were helped, I think, in that they did not try to be royal or dignified. Instead, Thomas and Cousins played the Middletons as pleasant, ordinary people who just happen to have the potential future monarch staying with them for breakfast. 

I do wonder if the music was at times too cutesy for its own good. Never was fornication so cute with the pretty music playing as William and Kate kept slipping in and out of each other's bedrooms. 

As I look on William & Kate, I find it overall inoffensive and harmless. It is not good. The final scene where William gives Catherine the engagement ring is filmed in a very amusing green screen that we are supposed to believe is Africa. Most of the acting is not good, though I would not say it was terrible. It was decent enough. William & Kate does not give us any insight into these people. It does say much. However, it is short and doesn't embarrass itself. That is not something to dismiss.  

5/10

Truth & Treason: A Review

TRUTH & TREASON

On September 28, 2025, a Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (LDS) worship center was attacked and later burned to the ground. Four congregants died as a result of the attack at Grand Blanc Township, Michigan. In the aftermath of the attack, a most curious trend developed online. Rather than express shock, or horror, or condemnation at the attack, many were condemning the LDS (also known as Mormon) victims and survivors. Of particular note were many in evangelical circles, who decided this was the perfect time to point out that Mormons were not Christians. I mention all this because Truth & Treason centers around a young LDS member during the Nazi era. Even though Truth & Treason is based on a true story, I suspect that many of those same evangelicals will call it "Mormon propaganda". Truth & Treason is a deeply moving film that tells its story with respect.

Hamburg, Germany, 1941. Helmut Hubener (Ewan Horrocks) is a Hitler Youth member, but he spends his time around his LDS friends than the bullies in the HY. His life is pretty much his friends and his LDS church. However, while his focus is primarily about finding work in the local government, Helmut observes some troubling signs. He is displeased with how his local bishop gives the Heil Hitler salute before the service. He is especially angered by how the bishop has installed a "Jews Forbidden to Enter: sign at the church. This clearly excludes LDS member Salomon Schwarz (Nye Occomore), who is a quarter-Jewish. 

Things come to a head when Salomon is taken by the authorities. Helmut, now working at City Hall despite being only 16, is upset to enraged. Helmut also has access to forbidden knowledge at work and home. Part of the archives involve holding the banned literature, such as All Quiet on the Western Front and the works of Shakespeare. Thanks to his brother who came home briefly from the front, Helmut also has a short-wave radio that lets him pick up BBC broadcasts. Filled with a youthful zeal and righteous anger, Helmut starts typing out anti-Nazi messages and surreptitiously posting them about town. He gets his fellow LDS members Rudolph "Rudi" Hobbe (Daf Thomas) and Karl-Heinz Schnibbe (Ferdinand McKay) to help him post them.

The messages soon attract the attention of Nazi official Erwin Mussener (Rupert Evans). He begins a methodical search for who this traitor is, initially thinking that the educated language makes him a college professor. Helmut for his part soon attracts the attention of Elli Kluge (Sylvie Varcoe), who also works at City Hall. They begin a romance, with Elli having only the vaguest of suspicions about Helmut's nighttime actions.

Mussener's thorough, logical investigation eventually yields results. He is shocked to find that the traitor is a 17-year-old boy. Arrested and put under torture, Helmut eventually breaks and names his two compatriots. Put on trial for treason, Helmut speaks truth to power one last time. While Rudi and Karl-Heinz receive prison, Helmut Hubener is sentenced to death by guillotine. 

I am not a man given to emotional displays. No, I did not cry at the end of Truth & Treason.  However, I noticed that others in the audience did. I also noticed that I felt a lump in my throat when we got to the closing credits. Helmut was a courageous young man, shaped by his convictions and his youthful belief that one person can make a difference. This is a credit to Ewan Horrocks' performance as Helmut Hubener.

Horrocks makes Helmut into a man who went from not being involved in things to one filled with fire and passion to do what he thought right, damn the consequences. Horrock does not make Hubener into an innocent or clueless. He shows Helmut's fears, but how Helmut let his beliefs overcome those fears. 

He also shows Helmut's lighter side. This is a young man who is a Felix Mendelsohn freak, totally passionate about the Jewish composer. He notes to Elli on their date that Mendelsohn wrote music specifically for a soprano, but that his music is forbidden now. The Helmut/Elli romance is both endearing on its own merits and a brief respite from the high drama.

Truth & Treason is a showcase for Ewan Horrocks. He gets what all actors love: a dramatic court scene. Here, Helmut's blend of youthful passion and firm conviction let Horrocks speak passionately about the wrongness of the Nazi regime without it coming across as theatrical or grandiose. Earlier in the film, Matt Whitaker and director Ethan Vincent's screenplay had given us an amusing scene of Helmut making up a pro-Nazi speech to win over his interview board which he pretended to have written out when he was actually making it up as he went along. At the trial scene, we see another paper, and instead of reading out the contrition in hopes of leniency, Helmut speaks from his heart.

"The Reich is not afraid of your little leaflets", the judge comments in a mix of fear and dismissiveness. Without missing a beat or batting an eye, Helmut forcefully replies, "Then why are you here?". 

Truth & Treason is well acted overall. McKay, Thomas and Occomore did well as Karl-Heinz, Rudi and Salomon respectively. Occomore and director Vincent did especially well in Salomon's last scene. As unseen Gestapo are pounding at his door demanding to get in, Salomon takes a chair and a book and sits, waiting for them. There is a mix of fear and quiet defiance in Occomore's face. Once the again unseen Gestapo force their way in, the screen fades to black, then returns to see Salomon's room in disarray. Truth & Treason understands a lesson mostly forgotten in Hollywood films: the less that something is shown, the more impactful it is.

Another powerful moment is when Mussenner is ripping Helmut's nails off. We see just the beginning of the torture, then have to rely on Horrocks and Evans' performances to show the horror of what Helmut is enduring. It is a powerful scene, but one where we do not see the brutality. Instead, it is off-screen. That in turn is what I think makes it more frightening.

Rupert Evans does not play a crazed, evil Nazi. His Edwin Mussenner is more a dogged detective, determined to find the culprit. We also get a scene where there is a suggestion that he too doubts, but unlike Helmut won't speak out. He recounts to his wife how when he started at university, he found out from a friend that his first girlfriend was sleeping with his professor and mentor. With apparent regret, he tells his wife that he punched his friend for telling him. His wife, I believe, asks him if he regrets punching the man who told him the truth.

Truth & Treason is subtle enough about the implications of what is being said without saying it out loud. The same can be said when Helmut accidentally drops some government papers, including the distinctive red sheets Helmut has been typing his anti-Nazi leaflets on. Elli runs after him, giving him one that he did not pick up. "Better know which way you're going," she tells him. Again, this statement has a clear double meaning. The characters may or may not know what is being said. The audience, I think, does.

Anyone going into Truth & Treason thinking that this is Mormon propaganda will probably leave disappointed. You do see scenes of Hubener and his friends attending Mormon service. A couple of police officers harassing Salomon and the judge comment on how they are Mormons. The latter even asks what that is, if memory serves correct. We do see Helmut praying near the end and of them singing from their hymnals. However, Mormonism is mostly in the background. No one ever says that they were motivated by Joseph Smith or Brigham Young to take a stand against the Nazi regime.

I do not know if Truth & Treason being released this year was due to 2025 being Helmut Hubener's centenary or if that is a mere coincidence. More surprising is that the film was released on October 17, 2025. That is ten days from the anniversary of Hubener's execution, which took place on October 27, 1942, as we are told in the closing credits. They feature the actors and their real-life counterparts, along with text on their ultimate fates. It is standard, but a reminder that these were real people. 

Truth & Treason is perhaps a bit long, though I did not notice it until late into the film. I also think the title is a bit clunky. Those, I think, is probably some of the film's few faults. 

It is eighty years since the end of the Second World War. It is eighty-three years since a seventeen-year-old Mormon boy was beheaded for defying Hitler not with guns but with words. Even now, these hereto-unknown stories are now getting their due. Truth & Treason is a strong dramatic film. It is a deeply moving portrait of a true profile in courage, a young man executed for speaking up and speaking out against tyranny. Would that God grant each of us such courage and moral clarity.

1925-1942

DECISION: B+

With Love, Meghan Episode Five: Surprise and Delight

WITH LOVE, MEGHAN: SURPRISE AND DELIGHT

Original Airdate: March 4, 2025

Special Guests: Abigail Spencer and Kelly Zajfen

Mentions of Joy: 0

Passive-Aggressive Moment: 3

Gushing Praise for Markle: "I felt like you were Head of Morale on the show".

There was no joy to be found among friends in Surprise and Delight, our fifth With Love, Meghan episode. This is the first time that "joy" is not mentioned by Meghan, Duchess of Sussex. However, the lack of joy is more than made up for with more edible flower sprinkles and even some shade thrown at the Duchess' BFFs by the Duchess herself. 

The Duchess Hostess with the Mostest is going to have a girls' brunch with her nearest and dearest gal pals. They are the advocate Kelly Zajfen and the actress Abigail Spencer. She wants everything to be perfect (and presumably joyful, even if "joy" never crossed her lips). As such, she needs to have a beautiful flower arrangement set up for them. She also needs to get the fish ready for their lunch, which they will join Mrs. Sussex in preparing. 

Oh, what joy! 

Mrs. Sussex goes to a nearby flower shop where she buys many bouquets from Juan. She arranges the flowers but avoids any vases. Once Kelly and Abigail arrive, it is now time to learn how to cook a fish and How to Style Crudités. Meghan and her ladies-in-waiting then can go to the backyard, where they reminisce about their friendship, friendship, just the perfect blendship. 

I have no way of knowing if Kelly Zajfen and Abigail Spencer really did find all the fish gutting to be the highlight of their day. Technically, they did not actually gut any fish. They just peeled off the bone and face. I do question whether this triple threat is as close as they say that they are. 

The reason for my question is that at the brunch, Meghan Markle, Queen of Domestic Doyennes, had one of the most cringeworthy moments in With Love, Meghan. As Kelly and Abigail were gushing about their bond, Meghan's audio-animatronic figure seemed to malfunction.

"You know, I have that on a t-shirt: The Best Ships are Friend Ships", the Duchess of Sussex informs the world. That revelation probably would have gone unnoticed. I figure that quip would have made people at most roll their eyes. 

Yet, for reasons that no one will ever uncover, Mrs. Sussex added to that moment. She did what I consider something thoroughly irrational and cringey. After telling us "The best ships are friend ships", she does some kind of seaside shanty jerky movement and calls out, "AHOY!".   

I do not think that The Office's Michael Scott, in his most clueless and directionless manner, would have done some kind of Popeye the Sailor Man impersonation to cap off this silly little quip. Again, this little "AHOY!" and jig bit reenforce what I am beginning to think about Meghan, Duchess of Sussex. 

Every time she attempts to come across as appealing, helpful, cheerful and friendly, she somehow ends up looking psychotic and dangerous. "If it makes you feel happy, then it's perfect," Mrs. Sussex opines. All I could picture is a John Wayne Gacy or Ed Gein talking about what made them feel happy.

I figure that edible flower sprinkles make Meghan Markle happy. They have returned in Surprise and Delight. However, there is a new twist to the Duchess' favorite condiment. She has frozen them in ice cubes. Now the Silver Girls can suck on edible flower sprinkles while drinking their mint juleps. 

They did not actually have mint juleps. I think it was tea. However, the lot of them might just as well have been drinking mint juleps and talked about how they were all getting the vapors. 

I am perfectly serious: what IS it with her and edible flower sprinkles? What is her obsession with something that I had never even imagined? Here she is, a former Her Royal Highness, going on about the joy of frozen edible flower sprinkles.

Surprise and Delight has praise and shade in equal measure. As Meghan goes to the flower market, she comments to presumably the viewer, "Kelly's a great cook. Abby has...other strengths". I guess that amongst friends, such joshing is fine. I figure that was meant as a humorous tease from one friend to another. Still, her delivery of this barb and the laughter it provokes from her made me raise an eyebrow. Later on, Abigail wonders which one of the bowls is hers. "We know (the bowl) has your name on it," Meghan calls out. 

Again, I think this comment was meant to be friendly joshing. It somehow ended up sounding more irritated than endearing.

To be fair, Abigail Spencer probably knows that between the two of them, Meghan is the Culinary Empress. "None of us, none of us are chefs", Meghan protests too much. "No, you really are," Abby responds. I believe that Abby later said when looking upon either the fish or the edible flower sprinkle ice cubes, "You did this? It's incredible". 

Kelly might be a great cook, but she did not get this amount of ebullient praise from Abby. Now to think of it, Meghan wasn't gushing with praise for either of her besties. Most curious.

I will say that Suprise and Delight is the least guarded that the Duchess has been. She mentioned her daughter, the now-Princess Lilibet. "Lili would love that," Mrs. Sussex says when looking at pink flowers. To be fair, this is the second time that Meghan, Duchess of Sussex has mentioned her daughter by name on With Love, Meghan. She name-drops the now-Prince Archie and his fishing exploits. There is also a vague reference to her spouse when she comments that "H is a great cook", at least when it comes to his scrambled eggs.

Make your own "scrambled eggs" quip here.

Given how she early on didn't even want to say "Harry", "Archie" or "Lilibet", the usage of first names by Meghan is almost loosening up for her.

As a side note, Meghan tells Abby and Kelly that she insisted that the family cook the fish that Prince Archie had caught. Something about that made me wince. I wouldn't find forced cooking a surprise and delight. 

Surprise and Delight, to be fair, does have an interesting section on flower arrangements. She seems competent in putting a flower display together. She learned this, from my understanding, at the baby shower her friends threw her for the now-Prince Archie. If so, I cannot imagine a less joyful activity than learning flower arranging at a baby shower. 

Some things, however, are as permanent as those edible flower sprinkles. We see both Abigail and Kelly walking around the rented kitchen barefoot. For myself, I simply cannot fathom why Meghan or With Love, Meghan requires those in the kitchen to walk around barefoot. I think of my late mother, who would have approved of them dressing well to be on television yet puzzled over the lack of footwear. 

I perhaps should not have been surprised and delighted that Meghan could not bother mentioning much of what Kelly or Abigail were up to. Billed as "advocate and friend", we get no mention of what Kelly Zajfin actually advocates for. A little online digging finds that she has a nonprofit for pregnant and parenting teens in foster care: Alliance for Moms. I find it interesting that Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, is more concerned about her crudités than asking Kelly anything about what sounds like a very positive endeavor. 

Mrs. Sussex does enjoy hearing from Abigail though about how Meghan was her flower consultant for Abby's own flower company. Mrs. Sussex recalls fondly attending Kelly's wedding. Whatever Kelly Zajfin feels over her not attending Mrs. Sussex's wedding (the who, what, when, where, why and how) we do not learn. Perhaps Kelly could ask Abigail, who did go to Harry & Meghan's wedding.

"It's the little things that matter,", the Duchess of Sussex tells us in Surprise and Delight. Little things, like edible flower sprinkle ice cubes (tip: don't use tap water as they could make the ice cubes cloudy). Little things, like having yacht rock or French dinner music play while arranging flowers sans vase. Little things, like knowing that the Best Ships are Friend Ships.

AHOY!

3/10

Erin Brockovich: A Review (Review #2055)

ERIN BROCKOVICH

Being a single mother is not easy, especially when you are taking on a major corporation. Erin Brockovich tells its story of one person making a positive change through her combination of guts, common sense and boobs. 

Erin Brockovich (Julia Roberts) is having a terrible run in her life. Broke, with three kids from two failed marriages to support, she ends up getting hit by a speeding car. What should have been an open-and-shut case was demolished by Brockovich herself. Baited into cursing out the doctor whose speeding caused the accident, the jury rules against her. Erin is infuriated with the whole legal process. Ed Masry (Albert Finney), her unfortunate attorney, endures much abuse even though the whole fiasco was her fault.

He now has to endure Erin at the office. She essentially bullied her way into working there, though she tells him that if it doesn't work out, he can fire her. Erin, for her part, is reluctant to start up anything with George (Aaron Eckhart), the biker who is her new neighbor. Soon, Erin starts acclimating to the law office and starts a tentative relationship with George, who is good with her kids. 

She is handed a relatively simple case involving a real estate deal. The Pacific Gas & Electric Company (PG&E) is offering the Jansen family in Hinkley, California a good deal to purchase their property. They are so generous that they also have been paying their medical bills. Erin learns this when looking over the real estate offer, as Donna Jansen (Marg Helgenberger) has kept all the paperwork together. Erin is suspicious both of PG&E's generosity and how Donna and her husband have various illness. Erin learns that PG&E have been telling the Jansens that the chromium in the water is affecting them. It is, but it is not the safe chromium that PG&E has been misleading them into thinking is the cause.

Erin's dogged research through water department records shows that the Hinkley groundwater is highly contaminated with hexavalent chromium. That explains why so many in Hinkley have had in some cases generations of major illnesses. No one in Hinkley made the connections between the water, their illnesses and PG&E. Erin has.

Now, through ups and downs with Masry and the various law office staff, Erin becomes single-minded in seeing justice done. Her plain and simple manner earns her the trust of Hinkley residents. Soon, what had been a simple pro bono real estate offer has ballooned into a major lawsuit. Over Erin's objections, Masry brings in Kurt Potter (Peter Coyote), who has years of experience in these types of lawsuits. Again, over Erin's objections, Masry and Potter push for binding arbitration versus the myriads of jury trials Erin favors. Will Erin be able to persuade the over 600 clients to go along with this risky strategy? What of the mysterious Charles Embry (Tracey Walter), who may be the key to tie in the PG&E corporate office to Hinkley? What will be the outcome of the case and of Erin Brockovich?

This is where one is told that Erin Brockovich is a movie, not a documentary. The opening credits do say, "This film is based on a true story", but I figure that there were changes. Fortunately for the viewer, we can enjoy this well-told story. As portrayed by Julia Roberts, Erin Brockovich is a human bulldozer, pushing everyone and everything out of her way. This has its pluses and minuses. When it comes to helping the people of Hinkley, Erin will not be moved. However, at times her single-mindedness blinds her to certain realities. She may think that the hundreds of people deserve a jury trial. However, she seems unwilling to see that PG&E can, as Ed Masry points out, tie their clients up in court for years if not decades.

I like that Erin Brockovich took the time to show that she can at times be unpleasant and if not blind at least myopic to how her zeal affects others. This film is a clear showcase for Julia Roberts, one of America's Sweethearts. She certainly gets many opportunities to make speeches important and trivial. She could be verbally taunting a female PG&E lawyer that the water she is about to drink is from Hinkley. She could also berate George on their first meeting. 

Roberts has a rapid-fire delivery that manages to sound natural. She starts Erin Brockovich by showing off that million-watt smile as she attempts to charm the potential employer. Once she realizes that he will not hire her, that smile is dropped to reveal the firm woman. Roberts also manages to have some light moments. Of particular note is when she plops her ample bosom in front of Scott (Jamie Harrold), the water department records office employee. He is clearly bedazzled by Erin's buxom beauty.

What I think Susannah Grant, in her screenplay, gives Erin Brockovich is a combination of humor and heart. In Erin's at times belligerent manner, we can chuckle at how brazen she can be. However, we also appreciate that Erin is at heart a good person, once she finds a good cause. I would not go so far as to call Erin "feisty". She is more determined.

However, we also get great moments of drama and self-reflection. Roberts has a wonderful scene where she talks about her disappointments after having once been Miss Wichita. Here she was, a literal former beauty queen, now barely surviving. She does have some humor in this scene, commenting that after almost a year of opening grocery stores, she had little time for world peace. However, we got some solid acting from Roberts. 

The film also gives Albert Finney some great material. He is at times beleaguered by Erin, making for some humorous moments. However, he too is able to push back and show that Ed Masry is not someone whom Erin can push or belittle. Finney as Masry points out that he has survived much himself and that he is putting himself on the line financially with this case. As such, Erin's sense of moral outrage whenever he does something she does not approve of is without merit.

Aaron Eckhart had, I think, his breakout role as George, the loveable biker. He does not make George into a dimwit or a sleazy figure. Instead, George is intelligent and genuinely caring for both Erin and her children. 

It is a credit to director Steven Soderbergh that while Erin Brockovich is over two hours long the film moves fast. 

Erin Brockovich is a feel-good film. We end up liking Erin as a woman who has compassion, sometimes excessive zeal, but who wants to do the right thing. It is said that a little learning is a dangerous thing. It can be if Erin Brockovich learns that there is some shady business going on.

Born 1960

DECISION: B+

Roofman: A Review

ROOFMAN

There is nothing more endearing than a cuddly criminal. Roofman, the story of a pleasant criminal, is played for mostly laughs while throwing in a few heart-tugging moments. Roofman is a crowd-pleaser. It did not please me that much, but I respect its efforts to try and do so.

Jeffrey Manchester (Channing Tatum) robs McDonald's franchises by literally going through the roof before they are open. His modus operandi is simple: greet the employees, put them in the storage locker and take the money. He does call the police to inform them of the robbery so that they can rescue the employees and not let them freeze to death. These robberies are to fund a better life for his daughter.

They also involve a weapon. He is finally caught after fleeing his daughter's birthday party. Ending up with a charge of kidnapping due to having locked up the McDonald's staff, he is sentenced to 45 years in prison. Some years later, Manchester engineers a daring escape and finds himself in Charlotte, North Carolina. Manchester wants to get out of the country. His fellow former 82nd Airbourne Division veteran Steve (LaKeith Stanfield) can hook him up with a fake passport and identity but he's out of the country himself right now.

Manchester has managed to avoid the police, but he has to find a hideout until Steve returns. Fortunately for him, there is a Toys R Us that he manages to hide in undetected. He soon starts making the place his home. He taps into the store security system to hide his presence. He eats and bathes at whatever is available. He also hooks up his own surveillance system and ends up looking into the lives of the employees.

Among those employees is Leigh (Kirsten Dunst), a churchgoing divorcee with two daughters. Seeing how her jerk of a manager Mitch (Peter Dinklage) won't accommodate her schedule or provide toys for a church drive, Manchester will do both himself. Circumstances cause Manchester to be invited into Leigh's church, headed by Pastor Ron (Ben Mendelsohn) and his wife Eileen (Uzo Aduba). Now calling himself John Zorn, he and Leigh eventually begin a romance. "John" integrates himself into both the church and Leigh's bed. He also starts becoming part of Leigh's family.

All good things, though, have to end, when Mitch walks in on a nude Jeffrey (him still unfinished with his bathing). As Christmas comes closer, Jeffrey/John finds himself in a curious set of circumstances. Will he find the $50,000 to buy his fake passport and identity papers? Will he abandon Leigh? Will he get caught?

After finishing Roofman (which for full disclosure I saw at a secret screening) I was reminded of another true-life story of a criminal who busts out of prison, hoodwinks others and eventually is caught. I do not think that people remember I Love You, Phillip Morris today. I also doubt that director Derek Cianfrance (who cowrote the screenplay with Kirt Gunn) was attempting to draw inspiration from that movie. However, my mind kept going to how both I Love You, Phillip Morris and Roofman play on similar themes.

Both films are based on true stories that are outlandish but built on fact. Both have a score that emphasizes the comedy. Both involve criminals who are motivated, in part, to provide a more luxurious life for those they love. Both have protagonists that we are meant to empathize with a habitual criminal. Here is where I have a minor issue with Roofman.

The film focuses on how well-mannered he is when stealing. It seems pretty blasé about how Manchester is a habitual criminal. Put aside the deception he perpetrates on Leigh, her children and the congregation. He stole from 45+ businesses. He hocked various games to pay for an unwitting Leigh, down to buying her older daughter Lindsey (Lily Collias) a car. He both threatened the Toys R Us staff and punched the man picking up the store's deposit, who he would have left on the floor bleeding profusely. He damaged property. He blew up a dentist office to try and cover his tracks.

Somehow, I cannot find it in my heart to see Jeffrey Manchester/John Zorn to be a good guy. He may have been a very nice criminal. He was still a criminal. Some may have chuckled at his bungling when breaking into a spa instead of the pawn shop that he was aiming for. I kept wondering what the spa owners or poor dentist did to deserve such treatment from this nice guy.

I had hoped that Roofman would have been when I could finally say that I did not have to see Channing Tatum naked. For a while, it looked like the most that I would see would be his torso. Alas, I had to see his backside once again. I will give Channing Tatum this much: he did try. I will not be convinced that he can actually act. He did, however, do his best to make Jeffrey/John into this almost endearing goofball, sweet and loving. The fact is that he couldn't fully shift into making Jeffrey into a complex person with a dark side versus just this nice guy who robbed people. 

I think Durst was better as Leigh, but not by much. At times, especially with Dinklage, Durst felt almost robotic, playing at a put-upon employee but not convincing me that she was a put-upon employee. 

I can give grudging credit that Roofman had a somewhat more positive portrayal of Christians than most films. I do not know if pastors encourage their congregants to jump into bed with people whom they are not married to. It does feel a bit of a lost opportunity that Leigh's faith was not more explored, nor was Jeffery/John's reaction to it. This church apparently consisted of nothing but singing and eating.  Yet I digress.

I was disappointed that Dinklage's Mitch was nothing more than a cliched jerk boss. I would have thought better if he had been allowed to be a bit more nuance rather than just be someone that belittles everyone around him. It was nice to see Ben Mendelsohn play something other than a villain as the pastor, though he and Uzo Aduba seemed to be playing more caricatures than people. Same goes for LaKeith Stanfield. Other elements, such as Emory Cohen's bullied Toys R Us employee Otis, were underused. 

I think that is a reason why I was not as enthused about Roofman as others. I did not see people. I saw caricatures. Still, I figure that Roofman the movie had its heart in the right place. I cannot fully embrace a film that wants me to like a criminal no matter how outwardly charming and pleasant he appears. Nonetheless, Roofman did please the audience, so while crime does not pay, it does appear enjoyable.

DECISION: C+