Harry & Meghan: Escaping the Palace. The Television Movie

HARRY & MEGHAN: ESCAPING THE PALACE

I often say that a Part III will be either a disaster or the harbinger of a greater disaster. The third and final part of the Sussex Trilogy more than lives up to that idea. Harry & Meghan: Escaping the Palace is one of the worst things ever to be broadcast in human history. This love letter to the Duke and Duchess of Sussex has no redeeming qualities, nothing to say that anyone should watch it outside of psychological torture.

Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex (Jordan Dean) is still haunted by the death of his mother, Diana, Princess of Wales (Bonnie Soper). It is to where when he dreams of his mother's fatal car accident, it is not Diana whom he sees crumpled. It is his wife, Meghan, Duchess of Sussex (Sydney Morton). All that Meghan and Harry want to do is make the world a beautiful place. Unfortunately, all criticism against them is based purely and solely on racism. Harry is enraged that his brother William (Jordan Whalen) will not release endless statements against the racists who criticize Meghan. For his part, William is at most noncommittal on the subject.

Meghan, for her part, is collapsing emotionally. The strain of the never-ending racism, sexism and anti-Americanism within and without the British Royal Family and its supporting institution is leaving her emotionally spent. Just like his mother, Meghan is on the verge of a total meltdown. Soon other resentments come the Sussex's way. Harry is displeased at the criticism that they get for spending three million pounds on their small Frogmore home while William and his wife Catherine (Laura Mitchell) can spend five million. On their trip to Africa, Harry realizes that they have to leave The Firm. Surprisingly, it is Meghan who thinks this is wrong.

Nonetheless, the blocks against all the good that the Sussexes want to do leave them no choice. The Firm will not grant them permission to have a "Sussex Royal" brand that they can market, not even a Sussex Royal webpage. Harry is desperate to get out. Dropping a bombshell on his father, Prince Charles (Steve Coulter), the Duke of Sussex gives his father, the Prince of Wales, a ten-minute warning before announcing what was dubbed "Megxit". 

William is quietly enraged at his younger brother. Harry is more popular than William. William is jealous of his sister-in-law: her intelligence, her class, her compassionate, her kindness. The so-called Sandringham Summit did not please everyone, but now Harry & Meghan will now be free. At last, they in their California exile can speak "their truth" to Oprah, a final mirror between Harry's mother and wife.

Harry & Meghan: Escaping the Palace premiered on August 6, 2021. Oprah with Meghan and Harry premiered on March 7, 2021. This is an important, if not vital detail. I figure that the two previous Harry & Meghan Lifetime films were rushed into production to cash in on the wedding and anniversary. This five-month difference, however, is a surprising turnaround time. I figure that you need time to cast, write a screenplay, gather your crew, make the film and edit it before releasing it; five months to my mind seems an incredibly fast production.

As such, I am highly, highly suspect that Escaping the Palace was de facto Sussex propaganda. It is so openly and shamelessly pro-Harry & Meghan that at one point, I did ask, "Who produced this, Harry and Meghan?". Everything that Harry and Meghan did was good. Everything that everyone else did was bad. I do not know a production where the protagonists were painted in such a way that you end up surprised that you did not see them literally walk on water. 

As a side note, I cannot help noticing that in the Oprah interview, Meghan gets top billing. I do not know why that detail stands out to me. It just does.

Escaping the Palace went out of its way to showcase that the villain in this drama was none other than Prince William. I'm genuinely surprised that screenwriter Scarlett Lacey and director Menhaj Huda did not give the-then Duke of Cambridge a mustache to twirl. I'm also suprised that Lacey and Huda were not taking literal dictation from Harry and Meghan about what to put in the film. It would not surprise me if it ended up that Lacey and Huda collaborated with the Sussexes the same way that they allegedly collaborated with Omid Scobie, a British reporter who cowrote Finding Freedom, which is seen as favorable to them.

William's scowl, his lack of sympathy for the almost divine Meghan Markle, his refusal or reluctance to welcome our bright light of California sunshine, all show him as a cold man. If Escaping the Palace is to be believed, William comes dangerously close to agreeing with all the racists who mock his sister-in-law. This William is a cold, emotionally disengaged figure, one who will not bend on anything. He, for example, refuses flat-out to have lunch with his brother prior to the Sandringham Summit. William does not even want to go and would like to see them cut off entirely.

The villainy of Prince William is such that on their final official engagement, he very pettily had the Duke and Duchess of Sussex's names removed from the program. He also had them sit with Commonwealth officials rather than the Royal Family if memory serves right. All this one-sided animosity, from what I understand, is driven by William's blinding jealousy towards Meghan. Meghan, in short, can be a star, while William will have nothing. 

I cannot help but think that Escaping the Palace had almost a vendetta against the-now Prince of Wales. "You're a disruptor," he tells Meghan to her face when the Sussexes learn their names were stricken off the program. Honestly, it would have been easier if Escaping the Palace had shown William literally shooting at Meghan. 

Even if all that Escaping the Palace showed was true, the entire production has such cringe to it that it was genuinely painful to watch. The film has some truly awful bits of dialogue that no actor could have made them sound anything other than pretty groan-inducing. Meghan has been made guest editor of British Vogue magazine, where she will profile history-making women. Ever professional, we see her typing away, laser-focused on her work.  Harry comes in to see his wife looking admiringly at the various females who will be profiled as Forces of Change. "All these women are going to bend the arc of history," Meghan wistfully notes. Harry, looking like a besotted puppy, adds, "Just like you".

It is a pretty nauseating moment. I do not know of any husband who would make such a statement short of coercion. Many things will Meghan Markle, or Sussex, or Mountbatten-Windsor, or Saxe-Coburg-Gotha will do. "Bend the arc of history" is not one that comes to mind. Become a failed podcaster, she will do. Host a lifestyle show where her guests will praise her, she will do. Sell jam online, she will do. Bend the arc of history, though?

As if that was not laughable enough, we get this monstrous bit of dialogue when news of them stepping back as senior royals hits the headlines. "Megxit. Like it's all your doing. Like you're the wicked witch, stealing their beloved prince because he's no mind of his own". Thus spoke Harry, and that bit is all kinds of wrong. I understand that this is meant to communicate what Harry thinks is the public impression. However, it is too on-the-nose to be believable. It suggests less genuine thought than it does the production's perceptions about the public's perceptions. 

Escaping the Palace has so many awful bits of dialogue. Perhaps the nadir of all this is when they go on that African tour. Surprisingly, it is not Meghan's lament of "I couldn't even speak my truth without all these caveats", the Firm pushing against Meghan's insistence on reminding people that she is a woman of color. It is when Harry decides that they must leave the Firm. As portrayed in Escaping the Palace, Meghan is the voice of reason, urging her husband against even the mere suggestion of stepping away. He insists that he is leaving the Firm, not the family.

"But the Monarchy is a family," she says. Harry responds with "So is the Mafia". It is a ghastly thing to say. Had I been Prince William, I would have been incensed that my brother was comparing my family to a criminal organization.

Escaping the Palace hammers hard on making Meghan the new Diana. We see constant flashbacks and flashforwards between the two, whether suffering breakdowns while pregnant or speaking candidly to the press about their troubled lives inside the Palace. Oddly, the effect is not to make one sympathetic and see the parallels between the Princess of Wales and the Duchess of Sussex. It ends up coming across as calculating on Meghan's part, attempting to force a parallel to her very stupid husband.

There are no performances in Escaping the Palace. I want desperately to believe that Jordan Dean can actually act and was not cast because he is a pale man with bright red hair. Again, the dialogue would test the skills of any actor. However, there were times when I genuinely wondered if Dean was trying to make Prince Harry Scottish. He and Sydney Morton are out third Harry & Meghan, and both are awful. Simply awful. Morton is so blank as Meghan that one would have liked for her to go on a rampage just to see her be anything other than saintly.

We do have some returning cast members from past Sussex films. Jordan Whaley is back as Prince William, making him the villain of the film. Laura Mitchell completes the trilogy as Catherine Middleton. She still looks more like Sarah Brightman than Catherine, Princess of Wales to me. She also made Catherine this bit of a dimwit. One scene has her having her nails done while Meghan discusses important matters. 

Harry & Meghan: Escaping the Palace is as close to pro-Sussex propaganda as one can find outside Sussex Squad fanfic. Terrible in every way (acting, writing, directing, the sappy score), this is enough to make one yearn for the evenhanded tone of With Love, Meghan. As I conclude this Sussex Trilogy, I never figured that each succeeding production would get progressively worse. Then again, perhaps that is a reflection of how the general public sees Harry & Meghan now.

0/10

Harry & Meghan: Becoming Royal. The Television Movie

HARRY & MEGHAN: BECOMING ROYAL

The second part of the Sussex Trilogy came a year after Harry & Meghan: A Royal Romance. They, like the world, were still in the honeymoon phase of their love affair with regards to the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. Harry & Meghan: Becoming Royal manages to outdo its predecessor in sheer awfulness on every conceivable level. 

It is six months before the wedding of the millennium between His Royal Highness Prince Henry of Wales (Charlie Field) and sparkling American actress Meghan Markle (Tiffany Smith). They are passionately in love. They are also passionately besieged by all sorts of people. There are the obnoxious hosts of Good Day UK, Caspian Sharp (Noah Huntley) and Briget Dover (Louise Bond). They make snide remarks, almost always about Meghan, with Caspian being the worst of the two. There is also the less than warm welcome by Harry's brother Prince William (Jordan Whalen) and his wife, Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge (Laura Mitchell). 

Both of them would probably struggle with such things as having a black preacher and a gospel choir at the wedding. They most definitely struggle to understand why the Me-Too Movement is so important. Someone who most definitely struggles with the future Mrs. Mountbatten-Windsor is Sir Leonard Briggs (James Dreyfus). He is openly disdainful of this American showgirl and her independent ways. He might be part of the conspiracy against her for speaking out for women. Meghan is upset over why she is discouraged from wearing a white gown or having the emerald tiara she had her heart set on.

Even more struggles come Harry and Meghan's way. Her father, Thomas Markle has worked with the paparazzi to get favorable photos, leaving Meghan devastated. Fortunately, she does have some allies. There is her mother, Doria Ragland (Melanie Nicholls-King). She will watch after her Flower. Also on her side is His Royal Highness Charles, Prince of Wales (Charles Shaughnessy). They even have Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II (Maggie Sullivun) on their side. Eventually, even Sir Leonard comes around, shifting from enemy to loyal ally. 

The now-Duke and Duchess of Sussex finally marry, but there is still half an hour to go. Meghan pushes for a cookbook to help the victims of the Grenfell Fire. The palace and Sir Leonard suggest a book cover featuring the dishes. Meghan, ever wise, ever strong, ever empathetic, ever progressive, insists on recalling the published copies to change the cover to feature the black and brown women wearing headscarves and hijabs. While this upsets the Palace and William in particular, who sees this as pushing a pro-immigrant agenda, Sir Leonard calmly reminds the Sussexes that St. George, symbol of Great Britian, was not actually British but Turkish. He, like Meghan, fought for religious tolerance. 

A year now gone, and Meghan has changed the world. It is to where Good Day UK cohost Bridget finally stands up to the smug Caspian, calling him out as a miserable, racist, chauvinist pig for criticizing and mocking Meghan, Duchess of Sussex. With that, Good Day UK not only has learnt its lesson, but like the Windsors, has embraced diversity, equity and inclusion by having a black cohost, Sebastian Zink (Robel Zere).  

Harry & Meghan: A Royal Romance was by no means good. However, frankly I'm astonished that the same writing and directing team (Scarlett Lacey and Menhaj Huda respectively) could have come up with something even worse the second time around. Perhaps it is due to how Lacey worked on the screenplay alone (IMDB crediting A Royal Romance to her and Terrence Coli). Becoming Royal is filled with such awful bits of dialogue and scenes that one at times comes close to gasping at the ineptitude on display.

After Meghan is seen as difficult for insisting on using her voice to speak out on important causes, the tyrannical Sir Leonard is sent over to her. Becoming Royal already established that Sir Leonard is a stickler for protocol and is not fond of Meghan's manner. He comes in and, in a huff, sneers to the stunned Meghan, "THAT old Queen sent THIS old queen to keep you in line". This does feed into the narrative that Harry and Meghan insist on, that no one at the Palace was helping Markle navigate the labyrinthine world of Court life. 

It was probably due to racism or opposition to a strong woman. If Becoming Royal is to be believed, there was nothing about Meghan to criticize. 

That is on the oddball part. There is another aspect in Becoming Royal that is more stunning in its silliness. It is on how laudatory to downright worshipful the film is about Meghan. The television film is filled with downright laughable scenes. Meghan and Harry continue to be the brunt of criticisms and comments filled with racial animosity (because that apparently is the only motive people have against them). Hotheaded Harry wants to strike back hard against those who would speak against Meghan.

"Some people react to violence with violence," she says, "but our retaliation is putting good into the world". This Gandhi-like reaction to being unfairly bashed by smug television presenters like Caspian Sharp brings this reply from Harry. "Every time I think I understand how strong you are, you astound me once again". One does not know whether to cringe or break out laughing at such a line. Charlie Field's near-comatose delivery does not help. 

Perhaps it was his way of stopping himself from breaking down laughing at having to say such pompous things. That, somehow, was not the nadir of Becoming Royal's pomposity towards the importance of Rachel Meghan Markle. That dubious distinction goes to Melanie Nicholls-King as Doria Ragland, who is one of the people reprising her role from A Royal Romance. 

As they ride out towards the church in a luxurious automobile (I cannot recall if Meghan was prevented from riding in a carriage as she had hoped to), Doria offers her insight into how groundbreaking her daughter is. Doria and Meghan converse as they look upon the crowds of well-wishers. "They're cheering for the centuries of history being overturned today. This beautiful wedding is breaking so many stereotypes and pushing so many boundaries. A whole lot of people are going to be lifted up." To put a coda on this bit of gibberish, Becoming Royal focuses on a pretty little black girl among the crowd looking on, presumably one of those people that are going to be lifted up.

It is to where I wondered if Lacey was literally taking dictation straight from Meghan Sussex about the importance of Meghan Sussex to human history. One can watch only in stunned, stoney silence at Doria's absolutely insane pep talk. I got that similar feeling when we saw morning show Bridget finally tell off her smug cohost. To be fair, we did see something of an evolution to Bridget in that her originally snide and snippy comments about Meghan started to be less snide and snippy.

However, her live on-set meltdown was there to drive home the message Becoming Royal seems to push: all criticism about Meghan Markle is based around her race and her gender. It has nothing to do with her as a person. It has everything to do with two parts of her background that she has no control over. She flat-out calls him a racist, chauvinist pig. Sebastian was obnoxious, cartoonishly so, but I do not recall him making any overtly racists comments about Meghan. Again, Becoming Royal put a coda to the suggestion that Meghan Markle made the world better when we see Bridget with a new cohost, who just happens to be black.

Becoming Royal brought back some of the cast from A Royal Romance to reprise their roles. As mentioned, Nicholls-King came back as Doria, forever watchful over her Flower. She was actually good in the role. I also should give her extra points for not openly breaking out into laughter at her "Centuries Being Overturned Thanks to You, Meghan" monologue. Any actress who could deliver such nonsense and try to make it sound reasonable deserves credit.

Also returning are Laura Mitchell as then-Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge. She still looks more like Sarah Brightman than the former Catherine Middleton. She also still continues to play Catherine as a bit dim and disinterested in things, with a breathy voice to speak with. The big surprise of our returning cast is Sullivun as Queen Elizabeth II. There was only a year's gap between the first of eventually three films on the Sussexes. However, I was shocked at how fat Queen Elizabeth II looked. Sullivun made Lilibet look so heavyset that one wondered if she thought that she was playing Queen Victoria instead. Timothy Temple as Prince Philip was so insignificant that I did flat-out ask while watching, "Who is that geezer next to her?". Temple looks nothing at all like Philip. He contributed nothing to the story. I wonder if he just wandered onto the set and decided that he would do.

The newcomers were stunningly worse than the original cast. Becoming Royal's biggest name actor is Charles Shaughnessy as Prince Charles. A running gag in The Nanny (where most people would know Shaughnessy from) was how his character of Mr. Sheffield had turned down the chance to produce Lord Andrew Lloyd-Webber's musical Cats. Even a dolt like Mr. Sheffield would have turned down Becoming Royal. Shaughnessy embarrasses himself as Charles. You do not even see him, but hear him utter, "You're so good at charades, Mummy", when the family gathers for Christmas hijinks. He says it like a dimwitted five-year-old. He makes Charles look clueless and a bumbler, unaware of how to behave around people.

Jordan Whalen takes over the role of Prince William originally played by Burgess Abernathy. Whalen is a slight, slight improvement over Abernathy in terms of looking and sounding like Prince William, but not by much. Whalen could pass for Prince William if one squinted from about a thousand miles away. He had little to do except scowl and be crabby towards just about everyone.

Our two leads though were just beyond terrible. When casting Charlie Field, I got the awful sense that the casting director was told, "Find a redheaded man who can speak and understand English". His Harry was flat when he was not angry about the attacks on Meghan. I might owe Murray Fraser, the first Harry from A Royal Romance, an apology for saying that he was bad. At least he was able to display two emotions. Field, I think, topped out at one. 

Tiffany Smith, taking over for Parisa Fitz-Henley, was downright disastrous as Meghan Saxe-Coburg-Gotha. She looked nothing like the Duchess of Sussex. That was already bad enough. It was her acting that was dreadful. There was what was meant to be a heartbreaking moment when she calls her father about him working with photographers and selling the pictures. As acted by Smith, it would elicit more laughter than tears at how awful Smith's acting was. Becoming Royal was filled with bad acting all around. Tiffany Smith just happened to be the worst of the lot.

When deciding to approach the Queen about having a black preacher and gospel choir at her wedding, she remarks that she wants "things that are true to my heritage". This is a curious thing for someone to say who went to Catholic school and who, to the best of my knowledge, has no particularly strong connection to any denomination. Harry & Meghan: Becoming Royal is good only if one wants to deliberately listen to bad dialogue performed with bad acting.

Who knew that Becoming Royal involved twerking at nine months pregnant to induce labor? Nothing says "breaking down so many stereotypes and pushing so many boundaries" like gyrating in a hospital room for all the world to see. 

1/10

Harry & Meghan: A Royal Romance. The Television Movie

HARRY & MEGHAN: A ROYAL ROMANCE

There was a time, my dear children, when Prince Henry of Wales and his wife, Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, were not just admired but genuinely loved by the public. This was long before Megxit, long before With Love, Meghan and long before videos of Her Royal Highness twerking while nine months pregnant with the fifth in line to the British throne as her backup dancer. Harry & Meghan: A Royal Romance is the first of three films chronicling the early married life of the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. This first part of the Sussex trilogy has some awful acting, awful casting, awful story, awful dialogue and awful plotlines. It is also surprisingly awful all around.

After brief visits to the childhoods in 1997 (where 12-year-old Prince Harry is struggling with the grief over his mother's death) and 1993 (where 11-year-old Meghan Markle is struggling against sexism in television commercials), we get down to the main story in 2016. 

As a side note, Harry & Meghan: A Royal Romance premiered in 2018 a week before their wedding. 

Meghan Markle (Parisa Fitz-Henley) is a highly successful television actress who exudes feminist power. She in her first scene tells her director (Kurt Evans) that she won't turn her character into a flirt, she asks for changes in the script that suggests she is being coquettish and won't do another scene where she emerges in a towel. A friend sets her up on a blind date while she is in London for work. Meghan, leery of blind dates, has only one question: "Is he nice?". Harry (Murray Fraser) has only question: "Is she hot?". On their date, she scolds the Prince of England for being 40 minutes late. Despite this, an instant attraction develops, helped by their mutual traumas (his mother's death, her struggles against racists).

Harry's older brother Prince William (Burgess Abernethy) and sister-in-law Catherine (Laura Mitchell) look on with wariness at the budding romance. "She's American. She's divorced. Her mum is black. She makes Wallis Simpson look like Dame Judi Dench," the Duchess of Cambridge remarks to her husband's brother. For her part, Meghan is also wavering on pursuing a romantic relationship with Harry. "Glass ceilings, not glass slippers," she confides to her makeup artist. 

However, Harry will not be denied. He keeps wooing his divorced, biracial actress, even going dressed as a frog to a Halloween party for the Suits cast and crew. Here, as they enthusiastically anticipate Hillary Clinton becoming the first female President of the United States, Meghan shows her moxie by standing up to Harry's bullies. He returns the favor by standing up for her to his father, then-Prince Charles (Steve Coulter) and the Cambridges for their racism against Meghan. Through it all, Meghan wavers between her feminist principles and her desire for love until she finally agrees to marry Harry.

This will involve getting permission from Harry's granny, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II (Maggie Sullivun), who has a surprise of her own about the Windsor's own racial heritage. With that, Harry & Meghan can conclude their royal romance on a joyful note.

It is not surprising that television networks, in this case Lifetime, wanted to cash in on this story. As Harry & Meghan: A Royal Romance was essentially rushed into production so as to coincide with the royal wedding, one can see how poor the entire production was. Terrence Coli and Scarlett Lacey's screenplay is sometimes filled with scenes and dialogue that are howlers of comedy. 

Perhaps the nadir of A Royal Romance's script is when Harry and Meghan go to the Suits cast and crew Halloween party. I get that the frog costume was meant as some kind of joke for our Frog Prince. Meghan, for her part, was dressed in a pantsuit and wearing a Hillary Clinton mask. When Harry removes his frog head to have a drink at the bar, he is verbally harassed and mocked by a Suits crew member dressed as a pirate (Corey Schmitt). "Your grandmother can kiss my ass," he mockingly tells Harry. It is at this point that Meghan literally unmasks herself, causing our drunk pirate to literally cower in fear. "Meghan, I didn't realize it was you," he says, trembling. 

The whole thing is hilarious. I understand that he is a Suits crewmember and that Markle may have some sway in whether or not he keeps his job. However, the idea that this man in full pirate costume is bold enough to mouth off to a member of the Royal Family but is left shaking by his actress girlfriend seems wildly off. That she was dressed as Hillary Clinton lends an extra air of the absurd. It is not so much that the scenario emasculates Harry and shows Meghan as almost a warrior queen. It is in how Menhaj Huda directs the scene that makes it all the more hilarious.

A Royal Romance is filled with such oddball dialogue. You hear Prince Harry fiercely objecting to the suggestion that Meghan shut down her blog, The Tig, or at least stay away from commenting on contentious topics like Brexit. Harry as portrayed here must have been totally bewitched by Meghan if he, with a straight face, could call The Tig "a community of inspiration". He then tears into his father, brother and sister-in-law for suggesting that Meghan may not be royal wife material. "What you say what you really mean. It's not just that she's opinionated, divorced, and an actress," pause for effect, "It's that she's African-American". 

This is a strange accusation to level insofar as even in A Royal Romance, the closest anyone has come to make any vaguely racist comments was Catherine when she pointed out that Meghan's mother Doria (Melanie Nicholls-King) was black. A Royal Romance leans in on how so many in royal circles objected to Meghan due to her race. "Do you think she'll (the Queen) let her grandson marry a black girl?" a reporter heckles Doria. Harry at a wedding berates Lady Victoria (Barbara Wallace) for wearing a blackamoor brooch. "It's a symbol of our imperialist domination in Africa, something we should well apologize for, not flaunting," he berates the befuddled, fussy old woman.

I do not know the reason why A Royal Romance opted to use "Lady Victoria" rather than Princess Michael of Kent, who did wear a blackamoor brooch when attending an event where Meghan, then Harry's fiancée, was also present. Also, the incident was not at a wedding but a Christmas gathering. Granted, those are not important details to the story. 

It does, however, reveal a thread in A Royal Romance that race was a major factor in the family's objection to Meghan. It makes it all the stranger given that the Queen reveals that the Windsors themselves are of mixed-race through Queen Charlotte, wife of George III. Sure, there are seven generations and two hundred years between Charlotte and Harry. Sure, the claims that Queen Charlotte was of Moorish heritage are based on an ancestor of Charlotte's that was eight generations prior to her. Details, details. Yet, I have digressed.

In terms of performances, A Royal Romance is one of horrifying levels. Perhaps the worst is Burgess Abernethy as William. Somehow, despite being only 31 years old when the film was made, he looks well past fifty. He looks and sounds absolutely nothing like the then-Duke of Cambridge. Laura Mitchell looked more like Sarah Brightman than Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge. She, like Abernethy, were given leaden lines to read, and both recited them with the enthusiasm and conviction of bored individuals. Steve Coulter's Prince Charles at least had the good fortune to not be on screen long enough to leave a mark. 

He does, however, have a prophetic line. "The monarchy must remain dignified," he admonishes his son when it comes to Meghan's outspoken manner. I wonder if anyone involved in A Royal Romance thought of that line when they saw Meghan Sussex twerk in a hospital delivery room as a way to induce labor.  

Murray Fraser, to be fair, at least came close to sounding like Harry. He did not look anywhere near to him though. His performance was in two modes: sad or scowling. When he isn't missing Meghan or still struggling with the aftereffects of his mother's death, he is going off against racism all around him.

The best of the lot is Parisa Fitz-Henley as Meghan. She both looks and sounds like the Duchess of Sussex. She also manages to make most things believable. Some scenes do not work to be fair. "I worked too hard to be my own woman," she scolds Harry when he releases a statement defending her against "racist trolls". That, however, is the fault of the script, not of Fitz-Henley. She did the best she could with what she was given. She did do a good job, even if at times her "I AM WOMAN" manner came off as more spoof than authentic.

Harry & Meghan: A Royal Romance does remind me of another television movie chronicling the courtship of Harry's father. Like with Charles & Diana: A Royal Love Story, Harry & Meghan: A Royal Romance is at times unintentionally hilarious, dreadfully acted and bad entertainment. 

Who would have imagined that A Royal Romance would lead to this? 

2/10

With Love, Meghan. The Netflix Series. An Overview

WITH LOVE, MEGHAN

Queen Mary took her responsibilities as Queen very seriously. "You are a member of the British Royal Family. We are never tired, and we all love hospitals," she once reminded her granddaughter, the future Queen Elizabeth II, I believe. That mantra of duty above self and of showing enthusiasm for the most mundane of tasks or people has been followed by her successors Queens Elizabeth the Queen Mother and Camilla with perhaps only minor modifications. Her one-time potential successor Diana, Princess of Wales as well as the current Princess of Wales, the former Catherine Middleton, continued or continue that custom.

The late Diana's daughter-in-law Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, however, decided that she was tired and did not like hospitals. For whatever reason, be it a lack of privacy, an abundance of racism, or a combination thereof, she along with her husband Prince Henry, Duke of Sussex, decided to "step back" as working members of the Royal Family. Their first efforts to be "half-in, half-out", where they could take on some royal duties while pursuing outside commercial ventures, was shut down flat. Since "Megxit", she and Prince Harry have inked several lucrative deals for podcasts and Netflix productions. Their first podcast, Archetypes, had 12 episodes and lasted one year. Their first Netflix production, Harry & Meghan, was about themselves. 

Now comes their fifth Netflix production, With Love, Meghan, where Meghan Markle (or Meghan Sussex, depending on whom you ask) transforms into a domestic doyenne duchess, offering her insights into creating an elegant and joyful lifestyle. Having seen all eight episodes of the first of an eventual sixteen (a second set already filmed and scheduled to be released later this year), With Love, Meghan is an awe-inspiring vision of one wealthy woman's journey to the center of attention.  

Each With Love, Meghan episode has a set pattern. Over nice Carolina shag music, the Duchess of Sussex tells her film crew who is coming to visit her rented home, what she will be doing to make them feel welcome and go over what they will be doing with or for her to match the theme of whatever she has decided. It will end with her and her guest enjoying the fruits of their labor while they heap lavish praise on our domestic goddess and relatable gal pal. 

After finishing With Love, Meghan, for better or worse, I was reminded of another royal wife, though probably not the one Meghan, Duchess of Sussex would want comparisons to. Queen Marie Antoinette built a small retreat at Versailles, where she allegedly dressed up as a simple milkmaid and pretended to be a peasant girl, the Ancien Regime version of cosplay. With Love, Meghan similarly came across as this former actress turned royal pretending to be a domestic-minded woman who wants only to bring joy to the lives of average people (there is a lot of mention of joy in the series).

It is strange that the more Meghan attempts to come across as relatable and endearing, the end result is the opposite. She comes across as plastic, desperate even, for affirmation, validation and de facto worship. She is not fishing for compliments. She is throwing grenades into the river to have the fish blasted out of the water. 

The endless praise that her guests heap on her is almost shocking in its garishness and vanity. Some of the things that her guests tell her go past cringe to downright looney. Mindy Kaling has gotten the most press for this, and her statements in Episode Two (Welcome to the Party) did lay it on thick. "When I received that in the mail, a box of your preserves, it was probably one of the most glamorous moments in my life". Any person who thinks that receiving a box of preserves from someone that you may or may not barely know is "one of the most glamorous moments" in their life has led a remarkably boring life.

Kaling also had one of the most viral moments from With Love, Meghan, where she remarks to Meghan, "I don't think anyone in the world knows that Meghan Markle has eaten Jack in the Box and loves it". That statement alone in and of itself is bizarre, as if the concept of an American going to a fast-food place is such a rarity. If it had been Anne, Princess Royal driving up to a Jack in the Box and chowing down on it, then the shock and surprise of it all would have made sense. But for Meghan Markle?

That led to a surprisingly passive-aggressive moment between these lifelong chums when Meghan, in a voice that blended sweetness with barely contained anger, expressed surprise that she kept calling her Markle when it was Sussex now. This is a curious thing to get hung up on as for years after her wedding, people called her "Meghan Markle" without incident in the same way that the Duchess of Windsor was and is still called "Wallis Simpson" and the Princess of Wales is called "Catherine Middleton", though to be fair less frequently now. 

The subject of her surname is open to debate. Less interesting than what her last name is, is the Duchess' reaction. There was an edge to her response, a curious defensiveness that was surprisingly hostile. For someone who is attempting to showcase her hosting skills, Meghan Markle or Sussex or Mountbatten-Windsor or Saxe-Coburg-Gotha for all we know, to all but snap at her guest over something that you have never brought up publicly is so bizarre, but it is revelatory. It suggests that for all the efforts to be graceful and elegant, there is a level of entitlement that you expect from others, even friends. 

The Princess Margaret, Countess of Snowdon, had a similar mindset. She could be down-to-earth and pleasant, almost chummy with others, until you dared called her "Margaret". At that point, she would instantly remind you that she was a King's daughter and the Queen's sister and insist that you pay her the proper reverence. Her circle took to calling her "Ma'am, Darling" in a mix of deference and mockery. The difference between Margaret and Meghan is that while Margaret was born royal, Meghan merely married into it. 

As a side note, I think both Anne and Margaret would loath and be enraged at being compared to Meghan, but I digress.

While Kaling has received the lion's share of notoriety for the grandiose praise she heaped on Meghan, I think the winner in the "It's The Joy of My Life to Bask in Your Presence, Meghan" contest is Delfina Figueras. She is the Argentine wife of a polo player whom Meghan and Harry know and whom we meet in Episode Three (Love is in the Details); after a day of hiking and making focaccia (which is Italian bread and the first time that I have heard of such a thing), they picnic in the backyard of Meghan's rented villa. 

Delfi tells her, "I enjoyed this morning's hike because I saw you being you. And I love that. I love when you are doing your thing, and yeah. I absolutely, I'm obsessed with that face of Meghan. So happy". I think Indians thanked Gandhi less enthusiastically for leading the end of the Raj than Delfi did for Meghan making sun tea and having her make bread.

That may be one of the most surprising things in With Love, Meghan. Markle tells us how she prepared certain dishes and drinks prior to her guests' arrival. However, once they arrive, she also has them essentially make the meal almost as if they were caterers. I figure that Markle thinks this is all fun for her guests, a nice group project where everyone can delight in making a gourmet taco bar while having girl-talk and giggles.  

I come at this from a very different viewpoint. My late mother also loved entertaining. I firmly believe that if she had seen With Love, Meghan, she would be aghast and appalled that any hostess would make her guests do any cooking or cleaning up. Mom was adamant that as the hostess, it was her exclusive responsibility to see that the guests were served and that they were not to lift a finger in preparing any aspect of the gathering. This extended to any offers from guests to help, offers that were kindly but firmly declined. Mom would have made all the arrangements, had all the food prepared, and seen to it that her guests enjoyed the event. She would have been horrified at the sight of making lifelong friends make beeswax candles or horror of horrors, cook their own meals in her kitchen.  

As a side note, Mom would also have been horrified by the sight of any woman walking around the kitchen barefoot, though to be fair she would have approved of seeing the Duchess of Sussex dress impeccably to be on television. Mom might have wondered why she was dressed so elegantly to cook, but at least she would think that if you knew you were going to be on television, you should look your absolute best. 

Almost all the guests gush about Meghan to Meghan, praising her skills to where it transcends hyperbole and slips into farce. Even some of the professional chefs (the only ones whom Markel, or Sussex, or who knows now defers to on With Love, Meghan) seem a bit too enthusiastic about being in her presence. One, maybe two of the chefs think that what they whipped up in the rented kitchen would make for a good dish at said chef's restaurant. If memory serves correctly, only Chef Ramon Velasquez from Episode Six (The Juice is Worth the Squeeze) seems nonchalant about being in her presence, treating her as an eager student versus the more downhome Martha Stewart with a noble title to her name (whatever her name may be). To be fair, chef Alice Waters from Episode Eight (Feels Like Home) seems more perplexed than worshipful at the goings-on around her.

I am reminded of what someone once said about T.E. Lawrence when I think of With Love, Meghan. Like Lawrence of Arabia, Meghan (Markle/Sussex) has a way of backing into the limelight. As tawdry as the previous American-born divorcee who married a British Prince of the Realm might have been, Wallis Simpson (or Windsor if we apply Meghan's methodology) would never be so garish as to be hawking jam and prattling on about making beeswax candles to a television audience. She may have literally cavorted with Nazis, but you'd never see the Duchess of Windsor hosting Wallis' Workshop.

Overall, I think Markle's training as an actress is actually a major hinderance in With Love, Meghan for two reasons. The first is that the audience can never fully shake off the idea that all this is a performance. There is throughout all eight episodes something a bit off-putting, dare I say fake about the entire production. I am not bothered that Markle did not use her actual home. I actually think it makes sense. However, I do not understand why she wants her friends and family to trudge up to a rented house and essentially pretend that they are not performing for the camera. What was intended as a kind of eavesdropping in The Juice is Worth the Squeeze when the girls are playing mah-jongg ends up looking like four people trying to figure out what to do around each other. 

Secondly, Markle never looks at the audience. Sometimes she does not appear to even look at her guests. Instead, most of the time she looks at her director, Michael Steed, and speak to him. I think her acting training to not look into the camera prevents there being any connection between herself and her viewing audience. 

Liberace back on his 1950's television series knew enough to look directly into the camera and even literally wink at the audience. He understood that there needed to be an intimacy between host and audience, even if it was artificial. Meghan, however, never looked at anyone outside her immediate presence, like Steed or sometimes her guests. As such, we lost a sense that Meghan actually wanted us there. Perhaps they wanted a "fly on the wall" manner to With Love, Meghan. However, that to me makes for a strange way to invite people to learn all your various entertaining tips and tricks.

Ultimately With Love, Meghan is boring and elitist. The Duchess' efforts to come across as friendly, casual and relatable end up making her look like Election's Tracy Flick. I imagine that With Love, Meghan would have been the exact thing that she would have done if she had never married Harry and she needed a job after Suits had ended.  

I admit to being at a loss over how hosting a television show demonstrates a desire to live a life of privacy, but there it is. Meghan, Duchess of Sussex has passionate defenders and passionate haters. That may or may not color your view on With Love, Meghan. Separate from one's feelings about the hostess with the mostest, With Love, Meghan never makes a case as to why we should listen to the Duchess on anything domestic. 

2/10

Harry & Meghan: The Netflix Docuseries

HARRY & MEGHAN

Let us start our fairy tale with that oft-used line, "Once upon a time". 

Once upon a time, there was a handsome young British prince. He was beloved and adored by the people, with fame and fortune and everything that goes with it. An eligible bachelor, our Prince of the Realm was the object of many a pretty young thing's affection. Yet, he remained unmarried. Seeing his brother happily married to a popular Duchess, with children of their own, only highlighted his own empty albeit privileged life.

Then, he came upon The One. He was besotted with Her, possessed body and soul by Her, the Woman who could explain everything. She was fount of all wisdom, all truth. Sexual, emotional, psychological, spiritual gratification and liberation he found in Her. She was not just lover but Mother, Friend, Confidante and Confident. She and only She could soothe his soul, spark his erotic desires, love him for himself separate from his title and position. She was light of his life, fire of his loins, his sin, his soul.

She was also, alas, not the type of woman who usually married into monarchy. She was a divorcee and American too. She spoke her mind freely, much to the horror of the Establishment. Would such a woman make for a suitable wife to our Prince? 

It did not matter to him. He must have Her by his side, no matter what the cost. His love for Her was so great, so intense, that he willingly gave up all that was Royal to be with "the Woman he loves". Their love would have to make up for titles and riches, though it would mean a life outside his homeland and separation from his family. They would spend the rest of their lives in luxurious exile, shimmering yet fading lights among the glitterati, faraway yet so close to the British throne.

I would not blame you for thinking I was writing about Edward & Wallis, the Duke and Duchess of Windsor. In reality, I was writing about Harry & Meghan, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. Harry & Meghan is the six-part docuseries recounting "their truth" from their moment of birth to their new lives in Montecito. The aim of Harry & Meghan appears to be of a loving pair that makes some serious allegations against the House of Windsor. It also reveals Mr. & Mrs. Mountbatten-Windsor to be a remarkably boring couple.

Through six episodes, we see their lives then and now. He is the second son to Charles, Prince of Wales and Diana, Princess of Wales. His mother's early death when he was twelve was one of the two turning points of his life. The other turning point is when Harry met Meghan.

She is the mixed-race daughter of a California couple, ambitious for an acting career and a desire to be a positive force in the world. 

They met, Meghan Markle unaware who he was. A whirlwind romance began, and at last, they fell in love, and he fell at her feet to propose marriage. Being the newest member of the House of Windsor, however, was a jolt to the big-time television star. The notion of curtsying to her fiancée's grandmother was comical to her. Realizing that her future sister-in-law and Queen didn't hug her back when Meghan greeted Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge was a bad experience. 

To be fair, the Windsors were nothing compared to the Markles, the latter creating so much drama as to rival anything the royals could do compared to the white-trash version of Dynasty. Windsor wives have faced intense scrutiny before, but Meghan faced the added layer of overt racism. The entire House of Windsor, in fact, has yet to face a reckoning on their role in upholding white supremacy through the Commonwealth, or as one of the Harry & Meghan interviewees called it, "Empire 2.0".

The press intrusion, the Royal Family's refusal to defend the Sussexes, the feeding of negative Harry and Meghan stories to promote and prop up positive press for the other Windsors (and Cambridges as well), all conspired to drive Harry and Meghan out. Despite the Sussexes' best efforts to find a compromise, it was either all in or all out. They chose freedom and a new life in America, where they can be activists for a better world.

Harry & Meghan reminds me of when one of my cousins invariably breaks out the vacation photos and videos. Now, I love my cousin dearly. However, there is something difficult about seeing my niece in essentially the same pose but from different angles. We get to see Harry and Meghan as victims and survivors, heroes and role models, speaking truth to power. At least, that is how they see themselves.

Unfortunately, Harry & Meghan reveals more about themselves than what even, I suspect, the Sussexes thought short of posing for Playgirl and Playboy respectively. As a side note, I think people have already seen the Duke & Duchess of Sussex in various stages of undress already, but I digress.

The couple we encounter has one positive: they appear to be loving parents to their children Archie and Lilibet, who are seen just enough to be there but not enough to reveal their faces. Apart from that, Harry & Meghan holds up a bizarre self-worship that veers close to parody. There is a lot of footage that the Duke and Duchess shot of themselves (we even start with a video diary from Harry, who more often than not literally does not know what day it is). We see photos of their first AND second dates, posts of his proposal and video of Harry declaring he's on a "freedom flight" when they leave Canada to slum it in Tyler Perry's mansion.

Granted, perhaps it is a generational issue, but I am forever perplexed by people's desire to chronicle every aspect of their lives for others to see. Moreover, the wealth of footage provided by the Sussexes makes one openly wonder if they had planned to use said footage for such a thing as Harry & Meghan. I cannot say that there was such a plan. I merely offer that if they didn't have that plan, why film and photograph themselves ad nauseum?

Some revelations are damning, some quite banal, all of them unpleasant. We learn that their nicknames for each other are "H" and "M", which I find rather odd terms of endearment. That is more on the boring side. For those interested in scandal, Harry and Meghan state that they were sacrificial lambs to The Firm, lightning rods to spare other Windsors from bad press. "We were being more than thrown to the wolves. We were being fed to the wolves," Meghan states. In short, the Duke & Duchess allege that the House of Windsor collaborated with the British press to portray them in the worst light so as to portray the Cambridges and the now King and Queen Consort in the best light.

Those of very serious allegations, but there is no proof of it. Harry and Meghan do not have to provide any proof of collusion and conspiracy, particularly in Harry & Meghan. This, it should be remembered, was coproduced by their production company, Archewell Productions. As such, we would never get anything other than their side of the story. Harry & Meghan would never contradict or dispute anything the Duke & Duchess, their friends, allies or Doria Ragland (the Duchess' mother) said. 

Their other major allegation (that criticism towards the Sussexes was motivated in part or whole due to racism) is also hard to pin down. Episodes Two and Three are the most "criticizing Meghan is racist" heavy episodes. However, I do not think that having people such as British commentator Afua Hirsh talk about the history of colonialism and calling the Commonwealth "Empire 2.0" is proof that the Royal Family, their handmaidens the British Press or any random outsider is racist towards a very wealthy woman.

Sometimes though, one is left almost in awe at the Sussexes narcissism and almost clueless nature. Hearing Harry bemoan the poor conditions of Nottingham Cottage on the Kensington Palace grounds is a bit bizarre given that it is still a pleasant, comfortable and posh home (if perhaps a bit small for a tall man like Harry). Meghan, for her part, references "that old movie, Princess Diaries" to indicate what she thought her royal training would be like. The Princess Diaries is as of this date twenty-two years old. For context, Meghan, Duchess of Sussex is as of this writing, 41 years old. 

Over and over throughout Harry & Meghan, the portrait they themselves paint is that of a pair of self-important figures, convinced of their victimhood and rightness on everything. Episode Four ends with Leslie Gore's You Don't Own Me playing it out. Why they selected this particular song, I can only guess.

It is not my place to fact-check everything Harry & Meghan say. My job is to review the product presented, not the veracity of said product. There is, however, one point which raised my eyebrows. In Episode Five, Harry states that they were willing to relinquish their titles to make living in self-imposed exile work for them and the Royal Family. However, when asked by Anderson Cooper on 60 Minutes why they didn't give up their titles, the Duke of Sussex replied, "And what difference would that make?" 

To my mind, it strikes me as strange and contradictory to offer to renounce a title before only to state later that it would not make a difference now. It did then, so what changed?

One now-infamous moment is when Meghan finds the idea of curtsying to her-then fiancée's grandmother hilarious. Comparing it to Medieval Times, she makes an exaggerated curtsy while her husband watches, she barely able to suppress her laughter. Somehow, her husband apparently failed to explain that said grandmother is also the Sovereign and that until Meghan came along no one questioned bowing or curtsying to The Queen regardless of familial connection. There is a look of horror mixed with uncomfortableness at how Meghan ridicules showing deference to The Queen.

Perhaps that one moment crystallizes the dynamic of the Sussex's worldview. 

Ultimately, we learn nothing about the Duke & Duchess of Sussex that the public did not already know. Listing a laundry list of complaints about the Royal Family, their alleged collusion with the press to smear the nobility (regal and spiritual) of Harry and Meghan is not worth the time Harry & Meghan took up. Hearing someone say, "Their departure felt like the death of a dream" is hilarious in its grandiose worldview. One wonders, after finishing Harry & Meghan, if this is how the Duke & Duchess saw it as well.  

Harry & Meghan is a puff piece masquerading as a no-hold-barred exposé on the inner workings of the House of Windsor. It ends up revealing the Duke and Duchess of Sussex as almost bitter and resentful towards everything and everyone apart from themselves. 

The Duke and Duchess of Windsor literally cavorted with Nazis, yet they at least never openly trashed the Royal Family. It takes great skill to make Edward & Wallis look dignified, even regal, but Harry and Meghan and Harry & Meghan managed that extraordinary feat. 

3/10