Ace Crawford, Private Eye: Inch in a Pinch

ACE CRAWFORD, PRIVATE EYE: INCH IN A PINCH

Written by: Arnie Kogen and Ron Friedman

Directed by: Michael Preese

Original Airdate: March 29, 1983

We get the long and short of things in Inch in a Pinch. The third Ace Crawford, Private Eye episode focuses closer to home with our title character. One would think that having a more contained episode would make things better. Alas, while Inch in a Pinch was better than what we have seen in the past, it still struggles to be good.

The Shanty barkeep Inch (Billy Barty) is getting shaken down by the laundromat. They once had him pay $340 a month (or week) to do his tablecloths. Now it's $1000 a week (or month), or else they'll wreck the place. Inch puts up a fight, but he's no match for Eagle Laundry goons. He'd rather not turn to regular customer Ace Crawford, Private Eye (Tim Conway), but Crawford volunteers his services for his old friend pro bono.

Along with his Guy Friday and CPA, Toomey (Joe Regalbuto), Crawford tracks down Eagle Laundry mob boss Ronnie Blanken (Anthony Charnota) to his regular hangout, Zazu's. You won't find any petals at Zazu's, just dangerous men who launder things other than money. Blanken doesn't scare easy, but Ace has an ace up his trenchcoat sleeve. He's going to catch Blanken in the act on tape taking a bribe. 

To do so, Ace and Toomey have to use the high-tech devices available. That would be Toomey's kids' scissors, walkie-talkies and cameras. The scissors quack and poor Toomey has to climb onto the roof to get the incriminating evidence. A fight breaks out after the botched bribe attempt where the heroes and villains have to face off at the laundromat. 

Inch in a Pinch, if you do not bother taking any of it seriously, is surprisingly not bad. It is not good. Arnie Kogen and Ron Friedman's script can't even bother keeping basic details straight. When the goons first burst their way into The Shanty, they tell Inch that the laundry bill is going up from $340 to $1000 a month. When Inch recounts the story to Ace, it went to $1000 a week. At the end of the episode, we learn that Inch is getting the squeeze from the jukebox suppliers. He now has to pay $3000 a month, otherwise there will be no more Osmonds. 

Month. Week. Month. Can't they make up their minds?

Granted, I am taking such details far too seriously. Still, I find it odd that people working on a show can't keep something rather straightforward straight.

Inch in a Pinch continues a curious trend with its lead character. I get that Tim Conway's Ace is a spoof of hardboiled noir detectives in his trenchcoat and fedora. However, what I do not understand is why he is pleasant and/or oblivious with everyone except Toomey. Ace is faux-tough with the men, somewhat aware that he is catnip to the ladies. 

When it comes to Toomey though, Ace is always curt and impatient. Toomey is a bumbler, but he is a sweet-natured bumbler. Having Ace constantly berate him for having a family or for daring to put his family's needs ahead of Ace's has the unfortunate effect of making Ace a jerk. I think he is meant to be a dimwit whom everyone bizarrely sees as a genius. Unfortunately, in every Ace Crawford episode so far, the contradictory nature of Ace's character sticks out. Ace never has anything nice to say to or of Toomey. I think it would have worked better if Ace had been flustered or puzzled by Toomey's ineptness instead of always angry at him.

The physical comedy is also a bit forced and obvious. What is meant as a big comic moment in Inch in a Pinch is when Ace goes to visit Inch. The joke is that Ace is oblivious to how he is destroying everything around him, unaware that he is stuck in a chair. I think what makes it flounder is again, a contradictory manner. Inch is painfully aware of how Ace is destroying his apartment. Ace, too wrapped up in his sense of intelligence and courage, is not.

One line is surprisingly daring even for early 1980's television. When Ace is getting frisked by one of Blanken's goons, Ace retorts, "You're not from the San Francisco mob, are you?". Such a line is startling in something that is supposed to be frothy. I imagine that today such a line would be met with at minimum some pushback at its gay suggestion. I was a bit surprised to hear that barely subtle suggestion that the goon was getting too handsy with Tim Conway.

Inch in a Pinch is a bit of a departure in one way from the past Ace Crawford episodes. For once, Toomey is the bigger idiot. It is not often that Ace comes across as the more rational one. However, Toomey's unawareness that he can be heard via the walkie-talkie taped to Ace's leg makes Toomey inept and incompetent. How anyone would hire him as a Certified Public Accountant is anyone's guess.

To be fair, this is why Joe Regalbuto continues to be the MVP of Ace Crawford. He continues to play Toomey as the sweet, unaware nebbish who is more involved in finding his family's luggage than in helping Ace out. This is the first time that I paid close attention to Toomey's voiceovers. Regalbuto flows through them with great ease. He doesn't give the faux noir dialogue any sense of cynicism. Instead, he reads them straight, which makes for a nice delivery.

Tim Conway is hampered by the script, which again makes Ace oblivious or pleasant to everyone save Toomey, whom he has a barely concealed contempt for. Billy Barty does well as Inch, who is more than able to hold his own against the goons despite his short stature. Unfortunately, that means that the other two regular cast members (Bill Henderson's Mello and Shera Danese's Luann) barely register. Guest star Anthony Charnota plays Ronnie Blanken as the overt goombah that he is supposed to be. Dick Christie's Lieutenant Fanning continues to be an inexplicable character. He just pops in at the end of the episode, but exactly why he is there not even Ace Crawford, Private Eye could discover.

Inch in a Pinch is not bad. I did not think that it was funny (the laugh track made things worse). However, the other two episodes were pretty bad. As such, Inch in a Pinch works in a pinch.

3/10

Next Episode: The Microchip Caper