Good Night, But Not Good Bye

I have made a very painful decision.

This may be the last post I make at least until late November/early December.

School has just overwhelmed me.  I could complain about it all (the professor, the course) but it won't do me any good except to get my frustrations out.  All I can do is do the work to the best of my abilities and ask for all your prayers.

I won't be retiring from posting.  No matter how school goes I shall return once it is over.  If there is free time I may come and put up a few reviews or thoughts.  However, I have to turn my attention to this particular course.  One of the two is very easy: I'm racing through it and enjoying it tremendously.  It's the other that is such a nightmare.

I figure I will already bomb the first part of it.  I can only hope to crawl out of it with a B, because anything lower and I have to retake it.  I've never heard of having to retake a course if you pass it with a C.

Well, to my readers, I wish you well.  I know I'll live past all this.  I also know I have to turn my full attention to school.  I can't believe I was able to pass in the summer with a heavier workload but am struggling here.  Who knows: the Lord may yet surprise me by letting me pass.

Anyway, that's all I have for now.  I will be back, that is certain.  I may even post between now and Thanksgiving.  However, I'll be very quiet for a few months.

Hope to see you all very soon, and God Bless to All.

Your friend,

Rick

Behind the Candelabra: A Review

BEHIND THE CANDELABRA

The Piano Man's Mad About the Boy...

Liberace in his life was as gay as it was possible to be without actually being officially 'out of the closet'.   His thin voice, predilection for lavish costumes, effeminate mannerisms, a curious lack of female companionship (apart from his mother) and a retinue of pretty boys would have made people at least wonder whether this talented pianist was homosexual.  Liberace WAS a walking gay stereotype, yet Lee stubbornly refused to even entertain the notion that people would think he was anything other than straight.  Early in Behind the Candelabra, the television film of Lee's romance with Scott Thorson, the young and naïve boy is taken to a Liberace concert by Thorson's latest lover.  When a gay joke is cracked, a little old lady gives them a dirty look.  This group of fans, the blue-haired ladies, equally refused to believe Lee was gay (despite the overwhelming evidence).  I read it somewhere that these women, Liberace's hardcore fans, loved him because to them, he WAS the gay son they had, or had but didn't want to admit they had, or the gay son they subconsciously wanted, the one who would never leave them.  Behind the Candelabra gives us this affair (romance is too fine a word for it, though not because of the gay aspect) in all its gaudy trappings, all its grand spectacle, but it also finds the heart to these two men, in love, in lust, in hatred, and in the end, in terrible regret of all that had come between them. 

Scott Thorson (Matt Damon), a young kid without an official family, loves animals and works caring for stunt dogs in films.  While his foster parents suspect he may be gay, Scott won't admit or deny anything.  He is picked up by Bob Black (Scott Bakula), who happens to know the FABULOUS Liberace (Michael Douglas).   Lee, to his friends, is instantly attracted to the very pretty Thorson, and despite their age differences, Liberace is able to seduce Thomson both physically and emotionally.  Scott tells Lee he is bisexual, but that doesn't stop Lee from making him his newest companion.  Scott soon finds himself part of Lee's entourage, up to being part of the show.

However, Lee's lifestyle turns Scott from his partner to his prisoner.  Liberace soon takes over Scott's life: the younger man is astonished by Lee's voracious sex drive, appalled by his obsession with porn, and in perhaps one of the most jaw-dropping moments of ego, gets Scott to undergo plastic to become a version of Liberace himself.  Scott soon drowns his sorrows and fears in alcohol and drugs, while Lee soon starts getting the wandering eye (and an occasional tryst with even younger boys).  The death of his mother Frances (Debbie Reynolds) seems to free Liberace, while the death of Scott's foster mother seems to seal his doom in Lee's affections.  Despite showing him some kindness, it seems that for Lee, the idea that anyone could take Lee's place is too much.

Liberace turns his attention to what he thinks of as one of the great moments of his life: performing the Best Original Score nominees at the Academy Awards, but by this time Scott is out as Lee's partner.  A furious and scorned Scott does what no other boy-toy has done: sues him.  Lee survives the lawsuit but by now Scott has been reduced to a drug addict who had sold all the jewels given to keep the drugs flowing.

Finally, as Liberace succumbs to AIDS, he and Scott have one last meeting.  Lee tells his once-lover he does not want to be remembered as 'an old queen who died of AIDS'.  Yet, despite his best efforts, an autopsy forced by officials over the family and entourage's objections confirms that this deeply closeted (to himself if no one else) had died of 'the gay disease' as it was thought of then.  Behind the Candelabra ends with Scott at Liberace's funeral, where he imagines how the Catholic pianist might have had it done: as a big, lavish, Las Vegas production, in keeping in tune (no pun intended) with the flamboyant performer's whole life.

Really?  You thought
HE was straight?

For me, the curious thing about Liberace is that I've always felt he deliberately made himself the joke.  He loved camp and delighted in dressing outrageously to an embarrassing degree.  Gaudy, unapologetically over-the-top, he looked foolish but at least he 'cried all the way to the bank', knowing that for all the vulgarity of his shows, it's what afforded him an excessively lavish lifestyle.  The capes, the feathers, the furs, the sparkles: all those things a straight (and I imagine, many bisexual) man would reject, but Lee didn't mind being the Court Jester of Classical Music so long as he could get what he wanted.  Behind the Candelabra could satisfy itself by focusing on the lavish spectacle that Lee indulged in both on stage and behind the scenes, but at its core the film goes into the strange but sad world the pianist and the plaything found themselves in.

Steven Soderbergh is far too good a director to get drowned in the grandiose trappings Mr. Showmanship regularly presented.  Instead, while we get the lavish world of Liberace, we also get these intimate moments between an older man who finds himself famous but somewhat alone and a lonely young man looking for something and someone to love and be loved by.  At its heart, Behind the Candelabra is a sad love story done in by all those things that love stories are doomed by: a lover ignored who starts turning to other stimulants to fill his emptiness, another partner who soon starts tiring of both his younger boyfriend's prudishness and soon turns to someone else to satisfy his cravings, and who finally realize that they've thrown away so much in equal terms.

We do get some shocking, even comical moments.  Liberace kept so much hidden, from his toupees to his passion for sex.  One laughs at how Lee sees nothing bizarre at the thought of Scott getting plastic surgery to look more like Liberace, or how Liberace's own plastic surgery to look younger now leaves him incapable of completely closing his eyes (even when sleeping).  One also marvels at Scott's naivete at being in this world.  Behind the Candelabra also shows some touching, even beautiful moments.  Lee describes how he could be both a practicing Catholic and practicing homosexual.  At one point Liberace had been close to death when he says he was visited by a nun dressed in white.  When he did recover, he discovers that there was no nun in white.  Soderbergh films this in beautiful black-and-white, giving it a haunting (and haunted) style, while Scott's drugged-addled moments are shot in a haphazard, confused manner reflecting his mental stage.

In terms of performance we get two wonderful ones with Douglas and Damon.  Turning to the latter, despite being twenty years too old to play Thorson Damon makes Scott a naïve, clueless boy who gets caught up in a weird and wacky world.  We soon forget that a middle-aged man is playing young, getting instead a person who slips into drugs due to his insecurity about being at the heart of his older lover's affection.  Douglas manages to sound as close as anyone can to the actual Liberace, but he also gives a splendid performance as the flamboyant entertainer, almost clueless in his narcissism, his obsessions, his vanity, and his mad desire to keep private what the world basically knew: Liberace's homosexuality.  Still, at the heart of Douglas' performance we do feel at the end for him, seeing him hairless, fearing that he would not be remembered for what he wanted to be remembered for (his piano playing and joy he brought to millions) but for one aspect of his life.

I do wonder why Behind the Candelabra ended with an imaginary funeral and Liberace telling us one of his famous quips, "Too much of a good thing...is wonderful," rather than giving us his signature closing song, I'll Be Seeing You.  Perhaps that would have been too sad while the lavish faux-funeral tries to end things on a high note (no pun intended). 

I still would have liked for Lee to get his proper send-off the way he did, but then again like Lee, we don't get to end things the way we wish to. 

Behind the Candelabra shows two men who find themselves in a beautiful, stormy, and doomed relationship.  It has moments of shocking humor and tenderness and compassion.  Perhaps Liberace is now thought of as high camp, gaudy costumes, and death.  However, we see that there was something to his flamboyant manner, and since Lee was in on the joke he was able to get away with so much...except the truth of himself and the consequences of his reckless actions.

1919-1987
Mr. Showmanship

8/10

Elementary: Step Nine Review

ELEMENTARY: STEP NINE

Going Holmes Again...

Well, with Moriarty safely out of the way, Elementary, the CBS Sherlock Holmes series, can turn its attention to other matters.  We now have Sherlock (Jonny Lee Miller) and his partner-in-crime solving Dr. Joan Watson (Lucy Liu) in London, where Canon characters are a'poppin' out all over.  If anything, Step Nine has ONE positive over any episode from its BBC rival Sherlock: no one will ever ask or hope that the TARDIS appear in front of THEIR 221 B Baker Street!

Seriously, these Wholockians need to get a life...and a brain!  Even my bête noire Steven Moffat thinks a Sherlock/Doctor Who crossover is a stupid idea, and for HIM to think something's stupid...

Yet I digress.  Step Nine brings in two Canonical figures with mixed results.  While both guest stars give strong performances, one seems to be there just because Canon requires it, while the other suggests that there is more to be told about him.

In London, Detective Chief Inspector Gareth Lestrade (Sean Pertwee) has burst into a funeral for publishing magnate Warren Pendry.  He accuses the dead man of using his power to both protect his son Lawrence (Rufus Wright) from facing charges that he murdered his wife and for persecuting Lestrade because he was close to proving Lawrence's guilt.

Meanwhile, in New York, Lestrade's old ally in crime-solving, our Mr. Holmes, is wrapping up a case when he gets a message from Scotland Yard: they need Holmes' help in finding the renegade DCI.  With that, Holmes and Watson go to Holmes' old stomping ground.  After a debriefing at the Yard, it's off to 221 B Baker Street, what Sherlock calls his 'sanctum sanctorum'.  However, it's changed from what it was before: nothing of his is there, and he's alarmed.  It's now that we meet a new figure: none other than Sherlock's older brother, Mycroft (Rhys Ifans), a major restaurateur and a bit of a wastrel in Sherlock's eyes (despite his gaunt figure Sherlock constantly calls Mycroft 'Fatty').
There is obviously bad blood between the Holmes Brothers.

Sherlock soon makes easy work of finding Lestrade, and now Holmes despite his protests to the contrary is going to help his former police contact in solving the Pendry murder.  Holmes has guilt over Lestrade's state, seeing that Lestrade has become addicted to the fame the cases they investigated (Holmes' actions being kept out of the press, of course) gave Lestrade.  However, Lestrade is not a fool, coming close to actually proving Pendry murdered his wife.

Watson, meanwhile, wants to find out more about Mycroft, thinking it could help Sherlock make amends with his distant brother.  She deduced that Mycroft had been ill, and he asks her how he, too, could become Sherlock's friend.  Both Holmes Brothers look back in regret: Mycroft about his relationship with Sherlock, Sherlock with regards to Lestrade's situation.  By actually proving Lawrence did murder his wife, Lestrade's reputation is restored, even if Lestrade did indeed take credit and rush to the press despite Holmes' warning that this time he would reveal his involvement in the case.


Sherlock and Mycroft reach some sort of rapport, and Mycroft returns Sherlock's belonging...after blowing some of it up. 

Step Nine does what Elementary does best: focus on character development over crime.  Perhaps in a procedural the crime should be important, but Elementary has decided that we will have more interest in the lives of the characters rather than giving us some strange, convoluted case.  The actual murder in Step Nine is solved with logic, true, but some of the clues were obvious (the off-kilter mask) and some rather opaque (the 3-D printer making guns).   One really bright point was that at the second murder scene, it was Watson who was putting things together.  Sherlock was hunting for something to put things together: how a smaller man like Pendry could kill someone much larger with the victim apparently putting little to no struggle.  Watson, however, found through her medical training that the victim was murdered with the left hand, while Pendry was right-handed.  If Pendry killed the man, why would he use his non-dominant hand?  THIS was the trigger (so to speak) for Holmes to put it all together.

The case is almost secondary, but the story of the Holmes Brothers is so well-acted that it lifts Step Nine.  Ifans is a delight as Mycroft, bringing some humanity to a character who tends to be this shadowy figure within the bowels of government.  When he asks Watson how to be Sherlock's friend, it is played so real.  One can imagine these two are really brothers who have had a tempestuous relationship.  Mycroft blowing up Sherlock's property adds a touch of comedy and shows that the Holmes Brothers are very unique siblings.

I also found Pertwee did a wonderful job with the craggy Lestrade, less a fool than a disheveled cop.  While Pertwee's performance was strong the disappointment comes from the fact that Lestrade could have been replaced by another character without great difference to the story.  It would be a terrible shame if Pertwee (and Lestrade) were to never return to Elementary.  Part of that would be because Pertwee gave a strong performance, part of it because to have Canon characters just to have Canon characters seems a waste of time. 

With regards to the leads Liu still impresses as Watson, who is stronger and smarter than most interpretations of the good doctor.  With Miller, he has established his Sherlock as a stiff man physically, but I find that here his physicality and his dress describe who he is.  He buttons his shirts to the top, and his holds himself very erect.  I think that this is to show he is someone who wishes to be in total control of himself, sometimes to excess.  It gives his performance an added touch I hadn't appreciated until now.  

In another Canon element, it is unfortunate that 221 B Baker Street was put in the background.  As a side note, Baker Street seems to be in a run-down neighborhood, which is against my memory of the real 221 B Baker Street when I went there.  The area seemed a bit more upmarket, but some liberties should be expected.

Craig Sweeny and Elementary creator Robert Doherty's screenplay has great nods to the Canon apart from Lestrade and Mycroft's appearances.  We also get some great bits of dialogue.  When Holmes rushes down to encounter his brother, he says, "Oh...my God".  Mycroft merely smiles and answers, "My...croft".  A bit later, when Watson argues that they are connected because they are brothers, Sherlock snaps, "Our relationship is entirely genetic".  I find that line endless clever and wish I could use that with some thieving cousins.

One thing in the screenplay I didn't care for was when Sherlock was suggesting that Joan's agreement to dine with Mycroft would automatically lead to her seduction (in the same way Sherlock had slept with Mycroft's fiancée to prove she was a golddigger, Mycroft's feelings be damned) as well as some repressed desire to sleep with him.  While I admired how Joan just ignored Sherlock's sex talk, it did seem rather pointless to have this when their relationship has been so well-established.

Minus this small slip-up and a second-rate crime in terms of characters Step Nine is a step positive to the series, and the adding of humor pushes the episode higher.  On the whole, I found Step Nine a pleasant, well-acted story that shows Elementary will be its own thing.  We hope Mycroft returns to delight us with more Holmes Brothers banter.    

8/10

Next Episode: Solve For X 

Golden Boy: The Complete Series Overview

America, how could you turn ME down?
I'm GORGEOUS!

GOLDEN BOY: THE COMPLETE SERIES

Rookie Fails To Advance...

Poor Theo James.  Golden Boy, the television series that chronicled the meteoric rise of former hood Walter Clark, Jr. from street cop to detective to Police Commissioner in seven years time didn't even last half a season.  This was going to be James' breakout role on the American scene, after his scene-stealing turn as the luscious Turk Kemal Pamuk in an episode of Downton Abbey.  You remember, the man who deflowered Lady Mary Crawley and then dropped dead immediately after?

The pitfalls and perils of American television.  Some Englishmen manage to find hit television shows in the States (Jonny Lee Miller in Elementary), while some flounder (such as James).   Granted, Miller had built-in cache as Sherlock Holmes while James had to create a character from scratch. 

I've already covered why I think Golden Boy flopped (a somewhat dull and opaque lead, better secondary characters, and surprisingly dull crimes).  Now it is time to look over the series as a whole, to see what was the best and worst of James' (failure to) launch board.

First, the official ranking of Golden Boy Episodes, from best to worst.

Role Models (8/10)
Vicious Cycle (8/10)
The Price of Revenge (7/10)
Young Guns (7/10)
Just Say No (7/10)
Pilot (6/10)
Scapegoat (6/10)
Atonement (6/10)
Longshot (6/10)
Next Question (6/10)
McKenzie on Fire (5/10)
Sacrifice (5/10)
Beast of Burden (4/10)

Average Score: 6/10

He Shoots...

Now, on the whole I think the show itself started well.  After the second or third episode the focus wasn't so much on the future Commissioner Clark, keeping the flash-forwards to the opening and closing of the episodes.  We then got an above-average police procedural where the cases were excuses to explore both the interpersonal relationships and office politics of the 39th Precinct.  The growing and intense rivalry between James' Clark and Kevin Alejandro's Christian Arroyo was well-acted.  The overall story though, had some rather clichéd moments: the wise mentor, the hotshot rookie, the bitter antagonist. 

We already were having problems with Golden Boy in that, despite the show's best efforts, the most fascinating character wasn't the lead.  I was becoming more interested in Arroyo's journey, his crumbling fall from his unquestioned role as King of 39th to having his power diminishing to this kid.  You can't have a good show when the actions of the main character aren't as interesting as that of the villain.  I already had some difficulty with the closing moments of almost every episode hinting that "something" was going to happen to Chi McBride's Owen.  We didn't need almost repetitive reminders that a major character might meet a shocking end.  Leave that to the season finale, I say, not at almost every turn. 

He Scores...

It was only as the season progressed that Golden Boy started turning into a bit of a soap opera.  In particular the love triangle between James' Clark, Trieste Kelly Dunn's Margot Dixon (the reporter who begins an affair with Clark), and Eric Morris' Deputy Mayor Holbrooke (who happens to be her soon-to-be ex-husband).  The crimes, already not the most original, began to fade further in the background as we focus on Holbrooke's machinations to stop Clark and Dixon's romance.  The story of them wasn't horrible, but it was taking a great deal of time away from both his work and how he rises to the heights of power.  How he was able to rise to Police Commissioner when he didn't seem to be the best policeman (whatever his flaws, Detective Arroyo was a better detective than the pretty Clark) didn't seem as important as how he got into Margot's bed.

As the show kept moving, it started becoming less about Clark's education in the ways of power and more about Clark's way with women.  Again, there is nothing wrong with giving Clark a girlfriend.  There IS something wrong with giving him a girlfriend who somehow keeps getting involved with powerful figures, who in turn keep making crimes for him to investigate. 

He Bombs!

I found the succeeding episodes were becoming more ludicrous in terms of both crimes and stories.  Some of the crimes were easy to solve, and what was supposed to be a subplot of Clark's romantic escapades instead was becoming THE plot.  The focus, already given to a lead character who was still stubbornly a mystery at the end of the season, got overshadowed by a fascinating villain which in turn got lost with a not bizarre but at times hard-to-believe romance. 

I think in the end the reasons why Golden Boy failed to last a whole season are many.  It isn't because the cast didn't have talent.  If anything it is a loss that Alejandro's Arroyo will have no more stories, for despite the show's best efforts he was my favorite character in his flaws and talents.  The lead character was a mystery which gave us few if any clues.  The crimes weren't altogether interesting.  The stories got bogged down with a secondary story taking over. 

Finally, for a show about police, we were never able to solve the mystery of William Clark.  On the whole, I don't think Golden Boy was a bad show, but I can see why it failed to catch on.  You can't build up a show where your lead remains a little out of reach, no matter how beautiful the packaging. 

The Good, The Bad, and The Beautiful

These Were the Voyages Part II

Last time, I covered the Six Worst Star Trek films.  This time, let us look at the positive.  Granted, of the Top Six Star Trek films I actually only thought well of the Top Three. In fact, I own only three Star Trek films (which are the Top Three of my Best Star Trek films). The other two are not all that good, but bearable.  Let us now begin.

Number 6: Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

 
The Voyage Home was the first Star Trek film I saw, and to be honest it didn't have me wanting to watch any more adventures of the U.S.S. Enterprise.  Part of it was the fact that the movie was The One With the Damn Whales, where a movie became an excuse for an environmental message.  It's a commendable message, but isn't it strange that in Voyage Home the whales don't exist in the 23rd Century, but Leningrad still does? What keeps it tolerable for me was that Star Trek finally allowed more humor and comedy to enter the picture.  It was a lighter Star Trek film, minus the 'save the whales, save the world' deal. Still, I respect the fact that it was trying for something other than a serious adventure and allowed itself a chance to have fun with things.  I probably would have liked it more if weren't for the 'save the whales' thing...and the fact that the events from Star Trek III: The Search for Spock played almost no part of the story, instead being shoehorned in for no great purpose.  However, I'm softening to the 'nuclear wessels'.

Number 5: Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country

I can't blame Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country from trying, and it tried so hard to be relevant with its Klingon/Soviet-Federation/American parallels.  Again, Undiscovered Country has good ideas rolling around in it, and it has a potentially good performance from Christopher Plummer.  I just think it got bogged down in the middle with both 'the murder mystery' and when Iman has to free Kirk and McCoy (though having a few laughs at Kirk's expense is always good).  It comes so close to being good, but it lost its way a bit for me to give it a passing grade.  That, and I still refuse to believe Hamlet is a proper Klingon play.  I still hold that Macbeth is more in line with Klingon thinking.  So close, yet so far...

Number 4: Star Trek: First Contact

First Contact is the first Star Trek film on the countdown that I would qualify as 'good'.  It balances action with a hint of comedy.  It has a magnificent performance by Alice Krige as The Borg Queen.  Moreover, one didn't have to see The Next Generation's two-part The Best of Both Worlds to follow the plot (though it would have helped).  Granted, Data getting it on with Her Borgness was creepy, but it had action, good philosophy on the subject of revenge, and some humor.  Now, I confess that for the first third of the film I didn't know what was going on but once the film settled down I found it both enjoyable and intelligent.

Number 3: Star Trek III: The Search for Spock

The events in Search for Spock relate to the previous movie, which is an intelligent idea.  The action is balanced with a true emotional core involving Kirk and his son. The tension between the Klingons and the renegade Enterprise having to battle them and the Federation to save their friend Spock keeps one waiting to see how it will all turn out.  It did come close to being a bit reverential but on the whole I was both entertained and pleased that Search for Spock had good action, good acting, a good story and what Star Trek should have...hope. 

Number 2: Star Trek (2009)

I'm sticking with my original decision to make the reboot of Star Trek my second greatest Star Trek film.  The franchise needed a giant shot of adrenaline to bring it back to life.  Star Trek was the shot it needed.  The story was exciting, the performance on the whole excellent (playing tribute to the original while making it unique to itself) and the blending of past and present worked...mostly.  It took some time to get things started, and the middle section where New Kirk and Old Spock meet was a bit forced, but I consider these things minor flaws.  On the whole I loved Star Trek, which makes me think so much less of Into Darkness.

And now, the Greatest Star Trek Film of All Time Is...

Number 1: Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan

As if you didn't know.

Wrath of Khan is an excellent film.  It has action, it has romance, it has comedy.  One doesn't need to have knowledge of Star Trek to know what is going on.  Ricardo Montalban's performance as Khan (or as NuTrek fans know him, the guy who played Benedict Cumberbatch's role before Benny was born...spoilers) is intense and enthralling.  The emotion within Wrath of Khan, with great performances by the cast en masse, is thrilling and ultimately heartbreaking.  No matter what happens in future Star Trek films, they will all be measured against Wrath of Khan, which is why I always call it the Citizen Kane of Star Trek films.      

Well, I hope that the next Star Trek film is truly original, not an imitation, and an imitation of the Greatest Star Trek film ever made. Personally, I don't think many Star Trek films are all that good.  However, at heart I'm an optimist and hope that future adventures of the U.S.S. Enterprise do right by both the franchise and the fans.



Live Long and Prosper...

            

Paranoia: A Review (Review # 571)

PARANOIA

We have to acknowledge something upfront.  The word 'paranoia', as defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary, is "a psychosis characterized by systematized delusions of persecution or grandeur usually without hallucinations" and/or "a tendency on the part of an individual or group toward excessive or irrational suspiciousness and distrustfulness of others"(emphasis mine).  The actions taken by the characters in Paranoia, conversely, are not delusions or irrational.  In fact, Liam Hemsworth's character of Adam in the film is actually correct in his suspicion that he is being watched by nefarious forces.  Being right about being pursued, however, is about the only thing Paranoia the film does right, for this movie bungles just about everything else.  At the screening I attended, certain moments were met with howls of laughter and disbelief.  If I'm honest I have to say I didn't hate Paranoia, but I also see that so much went wrong it becomes more entertaining to see how cast and crew got into this mess than it is seeing the characters get out. 

Adam (Hemsworth) is a Brooklyn kid yearning to move ahead and join that fabled One Percent.  While technically proficient, he still is a drone at Wyatt Industries.  After he and his coworkers give a disastrous sales pitch to CEO Nicolas Wyatt (Gary Oldman) they are all promptly fired.  With Adam still holding an expense card, he treats his buddies, including his best friend Kevin (Lucas Till) to a night on the town, where Kevin hooks up with fellow ex-drone Allison (Angela Sarafayan) and Adam hooks up with Emma (Amber Heard), who has a thing for "bridge and tunnel" guys (those who live in the ghetto of Brooklyn versus the posh Manhattan.

Adam's little venture into larceny is quickly found out (like the next day) but neither Wyatt or his henchman Miles Meecham (Julian McMahon) seem particularly bothered with this.  Instead, Adam is the perfect person to do some industrial espionage against Jock Goddard (Harrison Ford), who has made a career from his former protégé Wyatt's work.  With a little training and make-over by Wyatt's right-hand woman Judith (Embeth Davidtz), Adam goes from 'bridge and tunnel' to posh genius. 

Adam gets hired by Goddard, who once had a son.  Goddard soon takes a shine to Adam, as does Emma, who just happens to work for Goddard's company of Eikon.  Adam develops Type X or a 3PS system (which can pinpoint the location of someone in a group of threes), and Type X has military applications which makes it highly valuable.

However, strange things are happening.  Adam is confronted by an FBI Agent (Josh Holloway), who tells him that others who have gone from Wyatt to Eikon have met gruesome ends, Adam finds his homes is bugged en masse, and to show how serious Wyatt and Meecham are for him to get the latest technological breakthrough, someone runs Kevin down. 

In the end, the generally moral Adam must choose what to do to save himself, protect Emma and his father (Richard Dreyfuss) and bring the bitter rivals of Wyatt and Goddard down.  We have one or two 'twists' in Paranoia that are suppose to be shocking, but more on that later.  In the end, we find out who has set Adam up and Adam cuts a deal that allows him to save himself and those he cares about.

We should also acknowledge that truth be told, Paranoia is in reality the true Biggest Bomb of 2013.  Paranoia was released on August 16, 2013.  I saw it on September 26, 2013 in a second-run theater.  It was pulled from the cheap theaters after one week.  Even other theatrical disasters (The Lone Ranger, R.I.P.D., After Earth) lasted longer in both first and second-run theaters than Paranoia.   The reasons for Paranoia's disastrous run are many.

Let's start out with the obvious: despite both Oscar-nominees Oldman and Ford being in the film (their first together since the far-better Air Force One), the central focus was on the youngest Hemsworth Brother, who despite his beautiful figure and form is A.) not a big-enough name to draw audiences, and B.) pretty (and pretty lousy) in Paranoia.  Having seen only two Liam Hemsworth films (The Last Song and The Hunger Games), I am not convinced that Liam is an actual actor.  Like Taylor Lautner and Channing Tatum, he is very pretty to look at, but has absolutely no range.  I won't compare Liam to his oldest brother Chris only because despite being a Norse God I haven't been particularly impressed with him either (though in fairness, his films have been as of today's writing action films, so I haven't seen a truly dramatic or comedic role).

Anyway, back to Liam.  He was shockingly flat and blank, having no expression in any situation.  Whether it is a love scene or attempting to show emotion in his scenes with Dreyfuss, he not only has the same face but forces the words out rather than conveys conviction with his dialogue.  It's already bad enough that Jason Hall and Barry L. Levy's screenplay (adapting Joseph Finder's novel) makes Adam a remarkably stupid character (for someone all but blackmailed to be an industrial spy, he is genuinely SHOCKED to find his home has hidden cameras) but what passes for shocking is all but told to us in Hemsworth's voice-over (and longtime readers know how much I detest voice-overs).  Early on I wondered whether Jock sensed that Adam was a spy because under Robert Luketic's direction it looks like Ford and Hemsworth were told to play the scene as if both knew that the other knew his real motivations.

I can digress to wonder why a director known more for frothy but dimwitted romantic comedies (Killers, The Ugly Truth) would be asked to make what is suppose to be a gritty action drama, but in Paranoia he failed to make things either dramatic or action-oriented.  I like some of Luketic's movies (Legally Blonde, Monster-In-Law...the latter a guilty pleasure), but Paranoia is a showcase for bad acting almost all around.  Beard is not just wasted as "the girl", but one never believes she was the passionate go-getter or bright up-and-comer (nor how she never bothered to tell anyone the guy was a fraud).

Ford and Oldman took these Bartha roles and decided to have fun with them.  Ford was growly as Goddard, Oldman was rant-worthy as Wyatt.  I can't say it was sad seeing these two great actors (and Dreyfuss, who apparently gets what he can get but whose character could have been cut out without blocking the flow of the story) do shoddy work, but so long as they had fun.  Holloway was in two scenes at the most, and how his agent came together with Adam (or the story at all) is left unanswered, and McMahon loved playing up the 'I'm EVIL' character who is auditioning as the next James Bond henchman. 

Till is the only one who appears to do anything of note as the perpetually put-upon nerdy best friend (though when Allison starts texting rather than call the police when Kevin is rundown I was the one howling with laughter).       

On the whole I won't lie and say I didn't enjoy Paranoia; it was amusing (though not in the way intended) and I have seen worse this year.  I, however, recognize Paranoia is not so much bad as it is inept, but it's one of those films we'll look back on with wry amusement, and that can actually entertain if you never bother to think. 

The biggest shock about Paranoia is that it is the SECOND-WORST thing Liam Hemsworth has been involved with in 2013.

One guess as to what was worse...

Too Easy!

DECISION: D+

These Were the Voyages Part I

Well, we've come to the end of our Star Trek retrospective.  I still, after all the films, cannot call myself a Trekker (which from what I understand, is a middle-class version of a Trekkie).  Once school lets up a bit I hope to travel to the Original Series.  At the moment, I've seen only three O.S. Star Trek episodes: Spock's Brain (the Citizen Kane of Star Trek episodes), City on the Edge of Forever (quite a good story), and Space Seed (the genesis of Khan...the original, not the impostor, but more on that later). 

However, I have learned a few things about Star Trek.  At its heart, the series is more than just adventures in space.  They are about the constant search for hope in the future, to improve man's fate among the stars.  Star Trek seeks out new life, new civilizations, but they are never for conquest.  At the most, it is for trade, but generally the Federation of Planets wishes nothing more than to live in peace with other civilizations.  Any hostility or conflict emerges from alien species (or rogue Federation agents) who do not want peace, but instead want conquest or annihilation of others.  Sometimes it comes from fear and misunderstanding of The Other.  On the whole, however, the U.S.S. Enterprise never goes out to conquer, only explore, make contact, and secure alliances.  I can appreciate that, along with the sense of adventure.  Once school ends or lets up, I hope to watch Original Series episodes, but for now I have finished watching all the Star Trek movies and am ready to make my two individual lists.       

Now, at long last, we have Our Ranking of All the Star Trek films.  Let us start with the Six Worst Star Trek Films.  The very Worst Star Trek Film of All Time Is...

Number 12: Star Trek: The Motion Picture
(1979)

Scrapping the bottom of the barrel is the first adventure of the U.S.S. Enterprise.  Star Trek: The Motion Picture is really a misnomer, because it really doesn't move.  The film treats everything as IMPORTANT, with a very hushed reverence that makes the film slow and ponderous.  Worse, for a film that is the beginning we are never formally introduced to the crew.  Instead, it's assumed we know who these people are.  If it weren't for the fact that the Enterprise crew has entered the general culture I wouldn't know either the cast or their relationships with each other.   The film itself is very slow and boring, but its subtle arrogance in the idea that we know everything about Star Trek itself pushes Star Trek: The Motion Picture down.  It's boring, it's just boring.

Number 11: Star Trek Generations

I know many people loved Star Trek Generations, but having seen it twice I still leave unimpressed.  What is suppose to be this epic meeting of the two Enterprise captains takes up a remarkably small amount of the film's almost two-hour running time.  Truth be told, Captain Kirk's appearance in the film is almost unimportant.  Any generic Next Generation cast member could have filled in for him.  The way they were brought together via the Nexus was silly, and worse, Generations does something I detest in time-travel films: basically going back in time to where they failed and trying again.  I just felt it was a totally wasted opportunity, which in my mind is what condemns Generations. 

Number 10: Star Trek V: The Final Frontier

  
Oh, yes, the stories are all true.  The Final Frontier is just shockingly bad.  This quest to find "God" is so embarrassingly laughable, and William Shatner's direction is an exercise in vanity and ego.  The story is nonsensical and when we meet "God", we see it has been a total waste of our time.  Therefore, since The Final Frontier may be one of the worst films ever made, let alone one of the worst Star Trek films, how come it failed to be The Worst?  Well, it has three saving graces.  One, Laurence Luckinbill's performance as Spock's half-brother Sybok is a strong performance that does wonders with an unbearably lousy script.  Two, it didn't waste the meeting of Original and Next Generation characters which genuinely angered me (see Number 11) and in fairness to Final Frontier, it did move and have some sense of action (versus Number 12). 

Number 9: Star Trek Nemesis

 
What a waste all around.  You waste a potentially good villain in pre-Dark Knight Rises' Tom Hardy's turn as Shizon.  You waste viewer's time by having Data 2.0 (one of the biggest cheats in a hoped-for sequel).  You have bizarre moments (such as poor Marina Sirtis' mental rape by Shizon), and you throw in Will Wheaton's quick cameo at the Troi-Riker wedding (so quick I didn't know he was in the film until the credits), and seeing Data belting out a little Irving Berlin is just dumb.  Throwing in Captain Janeway from Voyager throws in more nonsense that adds nothing to the film.  Nemesis had good ideas rattling around it, but with no follow through and with the entire Data subplot it is no surprise there were no more Next Generation films, or that it all but killed the franchise until the next millennium.

Number 8: Star Trek Insurrection

It looked like Insurrection was a test run for the debacle that was Nemesis.  It isn't that Insurrection DIDN'T start out well: the idea of the generally sweet Data running amok is a fascinating idea.  HOWEVER, once we got Data and Patrick Stewart's Captain Picard doing a little Gilbert & Sullivan you pretty much watched Insurrection go down the drain.  Again, it has a boring story.  Not terrible per se, just boring.  Evil people want to move idiotically docile beings from their resort to open up a Fountain of Youth-type resort of their own.  The Ba'ku people (and I SWEAR they stole that name from the capital of Azerbaijan) are so dull in their long lives one wonders why they didn't go postal or stir crazy, and again the whole 'Data will learn to be human by playing with little boys' thing started getting on my nerves.  There is something to be said about a movie where you not only predict what will happen but actually wouldn't mind if the 'cute kid' met a rather gruesome end.

And now, the Best of the Worst Star Trek Films is...

Number 7: Star Trek Into Darkness

I know many people love Into Darkness and think it among the greatest Star Trek films ever made (or perhaps among the greatest films of all time). I also know that Trekkers voted it the Worst Star Trek Film (and even questioned whether it WAS an actual Star Trek film), but I think it has to do more with the fact that Into Darkness is a remake of Wrath of Khan in all but name.  Let's not pretend that Into Darkness is 'original'.  When I was watching Into Darkness (at a midnight screening no less) when we had Benedict Cumberbatch's 'big reveal', I just took my notebook and starting beating my head with it.  I also said, "No, no, no".  I like watching original films, and while I don't object to remakes, I do object strongly to remakes being passed off as original.  Copying whole scenes and plot points from superior films is an insult to the audience.  In terms of acting and visuals, it certainly is above a lot of other Star Trek films (see all those above) but Into Darkness was a cheat and a fraud plain and simple.  Finally, I'm tiring of Benny...just waiting for the inevitable backlash.           

I write this as someone who has never converted to a Trekker/Trekkie.  I shall stay a Whovian, thank you very much.  However, this isn't to say I can't appreciate the positive qualities Star Trek has.  With the exception of the Top Two Worst Star Trek films (and a very shaky Third), there were things in these films that I did or could enjoy, but on the whole I have no desire to watch any of these Star Trek films again.

Next time, the Six Best Star Trek films.